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Secondary education

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Original poster

A Levels and behaviour incident

51 replies

Krest · 15/01/2025 13:19

Hi guys

I would be very grateful to hear some advice if possible.

I am having some big problems with my DD and applying for 6th form.

So the plan was for her to do her A Levels at the same school she is at now, she is currently in Year 11.
Last year she was finally diagnosed with Autism and a few weeks ago, with ADHD. She often makes poor choices in trying to fit in and be popular. She has had detentions here and there and some incidents but has not been in any major trouble however that all changed last week.

I had a call last week from school – my DD brought a small amount of vodka in her water bottle, and then drank some and gave some to a friend. I was in complete shock when they told me, she had never done anything like that before. I still cant believe she did that.
She was suspended for 3 days. Completely mortifying behavior. She told school that she had been given it at the weekend and accidentally brought it in thinking it was water. Pretty sure that’s not true and bits have come out that she brought it in for a friend’s birthday and “felt pressured”. DD knows right from wrong so there are no excuses from me and she is grounded and no phone until further notice. I was so upset and angry with her.

I just wanted to ask, would this being on her record be a problem being accepted to do A Levels at the school either there or any school? We had a meeting and they did mention it might affect that and I am so worried as she is struggling as it is to get the right grades without this now.

Please if anyone has any advice please let me know!

Thank you

OP posts:
HPandthelastwish · 15/01/2025 13:22

It is going to be entirely school dependent. If they are over subscribed then they aren't going to want to take on someone with known poor behaviour, although the diagnosis may help with that. I'd get an EHCP pronto which will give you a bit of weight behind any applications.

PlateOfFer · 15/01/2025 13:24

I think they will be monitoring her future behaviour to make a decision about the A level place. The best thing your DD can do is focus on revision and doing well. I would also be fast tracking an EHCP for her too as leverage.

The issue with post 16 education is that there is no legal requirement for her to be educated so they may be able to prevent her applying for her place based on this incident. Hence the EHCP being a good thing to have to be able to potentially explain her thinking when it comes to sixth form places.

Snorlaxo · 15/01/2025 13:28

My son did something similarly stupid (vaped at school) and received a Sixth Form place. It was a one off rather then regular fuck up so not a deal breaker for his state comprehensive.

Regular bad behaviour can result in not going to prom though. Your dd might want to bear that in mind if prom is important to her.

Original poster
Krest · 15/01/2025 13:38

Thanks guys, she was diagnosed quite late (ie back end of last year for autism and just last week for ADHD) so I dont know how quickly i can get the EHCP but will work on that
Yes she cannot go to the Prom, but thats fair enough given what she has done.

OP posts:
MrsHamlet · 15/01/2025 16:03

We would have pexed and she would not be allowed into sixth form

Octavia64 · 15/01/2025 16:12

You should be working on a plan B regardless - just in case she does not get her grades/etc.

Is she medicated for adhd?

MyNameIsErinQuin · 15/01/2025 16:18

She’s lucky, we would have done a permanent exclusion for bringing alcohol into school and sharing it.

prh47bridge · 15/01/2025 16:36

Contrary to what one of the posters above says, this is not school dependent. A sixth form college can do whatever they want, but a school is bound by the Admissions Code. This specifically prohibits schools from refusing to admit a child on behavioural grounds unless they have been permanently excluded twice and the most recent exclusion was less than 2 years ago. If a school (including her current school) refuses to admit her to sixth from due to this incident it should be straightforward to win an appeal.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 15/01/2025 19:54

There's zero chance of getting an EHCP any time soon. The waiting list is months, if not years...

Hapagirl48 · 15/01/2025 19:58

My DD is also ADHD/ASD and makes really stupid choices to try and fit in. She did the exact same thing as your DD (is there a manual?) and she got a couple of days suspension. I can't remember how many. She stayed on in school and is now at uni so it is a possibility that it will not affect their decision. It was an independent school though if that makes any difference...

itsgettingweird · 15/01/2025 20:10

prh47bridge · 15/01/2025 16:36

Contrary to what one of the posters above says, this is not school dependent. A sixth form college can do whatever they want, but a school is bound by the Admissions Code. This specifically prohibits schools from refusing to admit a child on behavioural grounds unless they have been permanently excluded twice and the most recent exclusion was less than 2 years ago. If a school (including her current school) refuses to admit her to sixth from due to this incident it should be straightforward to win an appeal.

This.

And the whole point of fixed term exclusion is that's the consequence.

Original poster
Krest · 16/01/2025 08:48

Octavia64 · 15/01/2025 16:12

You should be working on a plan B regardless - just in case she does not get her grades/etc.

Is she medicated for adhd?

Yes I am trying to see what our next option would be

Not medicated, she got the official diagnosis last week and awaiting follow up session to discuss things like medication etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krest · 16/01/2025 08:49

MyNameIsErinQuin · 15/01/2025 16:18

She’s lucky, we would have done a permanent exclusion for bringing alcohol into school and sharing it.

Absolutely agree, I did think she could be expelled for something like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krest · 16/01/2025 08:49

prh47bridge · 15/01/2025 16:36

Contrary to what one of the posters above says, this is not school dependent. A sixth form college can do whatever they want, but a school is bound by the Admissions Code. This specifically prohibits schools from refusing to admit a child on behavioural grounds unless they have been permanently excluded twice and the most recent exclusion was less than 2 years ago. If a school (including her current school) refuses to admit her to sixth from due to this incident it should be straightforward to win an appeal.

Thank you for this

OP posts:
Original poster
Krest · 16/01/2025 08:51

Hapagirl48 · 15/01/2025 19:58

My DD is also ADHD/ASD and makes really stupid choices to try and fit in. She did the exact same thing as your DD (is there a manual?) and she got a couple of days suspension. I can't remember how many. She stayed on in school and is now at uni so it is a possibility that it will not affect their decision. It was an independent school though if that makes any difference...

Thank you, that gives me hope. My DD has only ever got in trouble for the choices she has made to impress others, and we struggled through all of primary and most of high school without the diagnosis and its been hard. But this is by fat the worst thing she ever did and I am also expecting social Services to call as I believe school have to refer for this.

OP posts:
ThanksItHasPockets · 16/01/2025 09:43

She was really lucky to dodge a PEX and frankly probably only did because it's January and schools are so paranoid about accusations of off-rolling.

TreeSquirrel · 16/01/2025 13:09

I am astonished that schools would permanently exclude for this. Totally inappropriate yes, but it was vodka not crack cocaine and I assume both were 16. Ultimately, there was no disruption to learning and no actual harm done.

Meanwhile, students who assault each other and staff get a slap on the wrist at best!

TeenLifeMum · 16/01/2025 13:19

I just want to reassure you this isn’t an unusual thing for a year 11 to do. I went to a “posh” girls school and some brought in baileys saying it was milkshake… one of those involved became head girl in upper 6th (they weren’t caught).

obviously you need to deal with it but in this house it would be a conversation and discussion re behaviour in different settings and the potential consequences. I’d be getting dd to write an apology for her error of judgement and a commitment to learn from it and move forward with her studies (hoping that would be enough for school to forgive her).

TreeSquirrel · 16/01/2025 13:21

My DC are mid 20s and there were at least two incidents of alcohol being brought into school while they were at secondary (one at a school dance and the other at lunchtime).

All that happened was that the culprits lost their prefect status for a month and got a stern talking to. They still got to go to prom as normal. Have times changed hugely in the last 10 years?

MyNameIsErinQuin · 16/01/2025 14:24

TreeSquirrel · 16/01/2025 13:21

My DC are mid 20s and there were at least two incidents of alcohol being brought into school while they were at secondary (one at a school dance and the other at lunchtime).

All that happened was that the culprits lost their prefect status for a month and got a stern talking to. They still got to go to prom as normal. Have times changed hugely in the last 10 years?

Yes! Absolute zero tolerance of alcohol, cigarette, vapes, drugs in my school

Original poster
Krest · 16/01/2025 16:26

Thanks all. Yes she has definitely lost the rights to Prom but to be honest I was just relieved they didnt expel her.
I was shocked to the core when I got that phone call.
Social Services rang me today about it (referred to by school), and they were actually really helpful. They seemed to focus on the autism and ADHD diagnosis and help with that as they appreciate a lot of my DD's bad choices and issues have always stemmed from trying to fit in and be "cool", and is quite vulnerable in that respect.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 16/01/2025 16:41

MyNameIsErinQuin · 16/01/2025 14:24

Yes! Absolute zero tolerance of alcohol, cigarette, vapes, drugs in my school

Show quote history

Ds (Private) would be expelled for alcohol, tobacco, vapes or any other drug on the premises. They have even been warned not to pick up a vape if they see one but leave it and report as if they pick it up even to dispose of it they will be deemed to be in posession of it and expelled - however, I expect this is to get around a mitigation someone used.

ohtowinthelottery · 16/01/2025 16:57

My DS's school advised us to look elsewhere for 6th form places as they weren't sure they would offer him a place due to his behaviour. He also has an ASD diagnosis. His behaviour didn't involve drugs or alcohol but he could be disruptive.
In the end, they did offer him a place, which he accepted as he wasn't keen on the other 6th form college.

LoveSandbanks · 16/01/2025 17:05

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 15/01/2025 19:54

There's zero chance of getting an EHCP any time soon. The waiting list is months, if not years...

There’s no such thing as a waiting list for an ehcp. The local authority have to
meet statutory timescales in assessing. They may refuse to assess but this is often just a stalling tactic and the criteria for assessment is that the pupil may have sen. At worst you’d end up at tribunal but even so it won’t take “years”. An ehcp allows a pupil to stay in education until they are 25 so may well be worth the effort.

mitogoshigg · 16/01/2025 17:17

ADHD and autism has nothing to do with bringing alcohol to school. She has messed up, received punishment but as long as she's squeaky clean til the end of the school year I'm sure they will overlook a single transgression