A Levels and behaviour incident

[Krest]

Hi guys

I would be very grateful to hear some advice if possible.

I am having some big problems with my DD and applying for 6th form.

So the plan was for her to do her A Levels at the same school she is at now, she is currently in Year 11.
Last year she was finally diagnosed with Autism and a few weeks ago, with ADHD. She often makes poor choices in trying to fit in and be popular. She has had detentions here and there and some incidents but has not been in any major trouble however that all changed last week.

I had a call last week from school – my DD brought a small amount of vodka in her water bottle, and then drank some and gave some to a friend. I was in complete shock when they told me, she had never done anything like that before. I still cant believe she did that.
She was suspended for 3 days. Completely mortifying behavior. She told school that she had been given it at the weekend and accidentally brought it in thinking it was water. Pretty sure that’s not true and bits have come out that she brought it in for a friend’s birthday and “felt pressured”. DD knows right from wrong so there are no excuses from me and she is grounded and no phone until further notice. I was so upset and angry with her.

I just wanted to ask, would this being on her record be a problem being accepted to do A Levels at the school either there or any school? We had a meeting and they did mention it might affect that and I am so worried as she is struggling as it is to get the right grades without this now.

Please if anyone has any advice please let me know!

Thank you

The statutory timescale for an EHCP is 20 weeks. However, some LAs are good and some are appalling! It also depends on whether a) the LA agree to conduct an EHC needs assessment, b) once the needs assessment is done then if the LA decide to issue an EHCP, then c) it is drafted and issued (but you may still need to appeal if the contents or the placement is not suitable.

My son’s pre-school requested an EHCNA in October 2023. The LA refused to issue despite a mountain of evidence from various professional. I appealed and have an appeal date for July 2025. If I win my appeal by the time the EHCP is drafted, finalised and issued it will be TWO YEARS since we started the process!

In contrast to some of the other teachers here, we would not PEx a kid for one mistake like that, nor would we deny them a place in sixth form, especially with her additional needs. 🤞her school is more on our side of the slider.

Have to say I find that very surprising! Clearly none of these things should be happening in school, but I think the DC’s school took the view that there were more important things to focus on.

One of those found with a hip flask containing vodka actually went on to become head boy as he had an otherwise very good record. Vapes weren’t really a thing in the early 2010s but a blind eye was turned to smoking outside the building.

I’m not sure throwing the book at DC over these incidents is the right approach.

Life is so boring now. We used to go down the pub at lunch time with the teachers.

I work in a school and she would be allowed sixth form assuming she gets the entry requirements despite this incident. We would not have permanently excluded for this sort of incident, though clearly different schools will have different approaches. There is a good amount of time between now and September for her to demonstrate good behaviour and to focus on getting the entry requirements. Everyone makes mistakes. Best of luck.

Of course it has something to do with it. Do you understand what ADHD and autism are?!

I wouldn't care particularly about her bringing this to.school if it's just a case of doing something daft/fun/rebellious/trying to fit in - speaking as someone who smoked weed in the sixth form common room.

My main worry would be whether she is doing that because she has been drinking vodka for some time just to get through life.

I'm not saying bringing alcohol to school means that this is the case, but just to have a conversation with her about it and watch for any other signs.

It's likely she struggles with impulse control to. I've done some really stupid things at times and medication does help with impulse control, but while you're adjusting to it it can actually make it temporarily worse so if you trial medication I'd suggest doing it in the school holidays. I did bring vodka to school once around that age, can't remember why, didn't get caught, never did it again. prh47bridge knows what they're talking about so if they've said they can't stop her going to 6th form off what's happened you can rely on that advice.

Same.

No school I have taught in would have made someone caught with alcohol in school Head Boy.
I’m surprised at the number of people who are minimising this.

That said, OP’s school have given a suspension. I have also known plenty of students who’ve been suspended at some point (or points) and sailed into our sixth form.

That said, it’s always good to have a Plan B.

I'm also shocked that a child can make one mistake (yeh a big one but still!) and be permanently excluded.

Some of the shit kids do in my daughter's school is way more disruptive and challenging and yet there they are day in day out shouting at teachers and stopping lessons...

Thanks all.

Yes I do think my DD struggles with impulse control and trying to fit in. She often makes poor choices as a result. I would say her autism/ADHD was a factor in doing what she did however she is well aware that it was wrong and she does know right from wrong so I would not use it as an excuse. In the meeting with school, I just kept apologising, mainly I was so mortified that she did this.
Last year we had issues with self harm as well.

It wasn’t a big mistake. She hasn’t done anything cruel or even dangerous. A small amount is just showing off and there will be. Bigger quantities of much less legal substances in the hands of much savvier kids. Legally a single event involving alcohol and a child with two diagnoses wouldn’t meet the criteria for exclusion or preventing access to sixth form. I would change your mindset and become more determinedly aggressive in your advocacy for her. Don’t feel let down she is doing better than last year if she isn’t self harming and this was just a daft idea. It only really matters if the others are manipulating here. Social services will feel the same. This call will be very light relief for them.

I would be surprised if this meets the criteria to pex if challenged.

Agreed. I’m generally pro-exclusion where needed to protect staff and students or prevent disruption to learning. However, I would strongly resist if a school tried to exclude for an offence like this.

I have since spoken to DS (26) about this and he says that as well as that two incidents I mentioned, teachers at his school also turned a ‘blind eye’ to a few bottles of beer at a student leadership camp he attended.

Those students went on to get straight A*/A grades and on to top universities, so I doubt a few drops of alcohol indicates that DC are hoodlums.

Teachers doing that now would rightfully lose their jobs.

At
College ( Mathematics) a lad used to come on reeking of weed- He had a load in his sports bag and was rolling up under the desk.
We warned him, but the lovely Tutor Dr C walked in and said “ I think we’ d better open a window, don’t you?” And opened several to get a through draught.

He ( Dr C said “ why make things more difficult than they are already for the student- who to be fair never brought obvious weed into college again.

He knew DrC had been fair to him.

The system has gone seriously wrong then in my view, if that is now the case. Of all the issues in our education system (particularly with behaviour), a few 16/17 year olds having a few bottles of beer while teachers sleep elsewhere is not one of the more serious imo.

It would be seriously counterproductive and damaging for good teachers and responsible DC to be harshly punished for such an event.

I agree- DrC had students that went to study Maths at Cambridge ~ but he took just as much care over troubled kids retaking their GCSE’s.

A humane and gifted teacher.

Thank you, I really appreciate this. My instinct was (and still is) to feel mortified, angry and shocked. I wish I could help get through to my DD not to make such impusilve decisions that she knows are not good. She has had issues with friendships for the whole of secondary school and has always just wanted to be popular and fit in.
Social Services were actually really helpful, they will send me some help and supporting documents in regards to the ASD as they appreciate this incident and others do play a part and I worry she is vulnerable.

Hi OP, it's good to plan ahead obviously but I myself would focus heavily on where your DD is at right now emotionally and academically. You need to help her deal with the fallout from this serious incident. Have you had any interviews or meetings with the school about the aftermath of the suspension? Will she be searched for example in the mornings? This is something some schools do as a harms reduction measure. I think my school would do this as she shared the vodka with other students.
And have the school exams team taken on board her duel SEND diagnosis for access arrangements?
And of course young people make mistakes, this is a pretty big one but it's not in my experience a nasty or malicious thing to do.
It's a great learning experience for her but she will need help with the consequences I think.

Hey

Thanks for this.

Yes we've had a meeting - tbh I think DD was happy to be back at school as she found the suspension isolating and boring and she's been in a good mood but of course needs monitoring.

She did tell me she got assessed whether she needed extra time in exams before Christmas and nothing came of that, it went through her and not through me. However I will ask again given her ADHD (low focus type) diagnosis last week. It's been tough as she has also been diagnosed previously with a genetic condition that required time off for appointments.

I really worry she won't be accepted anywhere to do her a levels and I was worrying about that before this incident happened

Hi OP, I would recommend that you contact the head of year 11 or exams officer to check about access arrangements extra time and small room provision in particular. Your DD doesn't have to use the arrangements if they don't suit but it's a good idea to sort all this out in advance.

Sadly she learnt a life lesson. Misbehave and suffer the consequences. No excuse on her part as old enough to know better.

Thank you, I'll definitely be doing that