Blindfolds

[BePearlCritic]

DD’s school have sent a letter home stating that they are going to start doing team building activities and the children will be blindfolded for most of them. It will involve things like sitting on a chair and trying to work out where the noise is coming from and having a sighted child guide a blindfolded child around the school. They are then going to Kingswood in a few months where they’re doing a blindfolded assault course.

DD told me she’s really scared (and I could see it on her face) about not being able to see as she’s never been blindfolded before but her friends are actually all quite excited about it.
The head teacher mentioned it in assembly and a lot of the children squealed ‘YESSSS’.

I think her fear comes from the fact that the school are very strict at removing girls’ nail varnish and come round most mornings doing ‘nail checks’ whilst holding a bottle of nail varnish removed and cotton wool which has made her a bit scared of them.
DD loves nail varnish but I always make sure hers is removed before school (which deflates her) so the school doesn’t take it off her themselves.
A few of her friends have been given disciplinary action for reapplying nail varnish after they’ve had it removed in school.

I think she’d be fine when she has the blindfold on but do you think there’s anything I can do to help her leading up to it?

I have no idea how nail polish checks means she is scared of being blindfolded.

What is the connection between nail varnish checks and blindfolds?

Does your daughter put nail varnish on every evening and then remove it in the morning? That can't be good for her nails.

Obviously play a few games with her that involve being blindfolded so she gets used to it. Blindfold her and give her various fruits/ vegetables to identify for example.

Perhaps you could try using a blindfold at home, both of you. Let her get used to understanding that everything is still the same, even if she can't see it.

How old is she? If you try blindfolding her at home, start with something that lets in some light, like a bandanna folded over only once, which she might find less scary.

In fire training at one hospital trust I joined some time ago they had a portacabin set up like an elderly person's living room with randomly placed trip hazards like small tables and zimmer frames. They filled it with harmless smoke so there was literally zero visibility and we had to get across the room.

That is a sort of scenario you could discuss with her and let her try the task wearing a blindfold instead of smoke.

Or review Chris McCausland's strictly come dancing journey, scroll through to clips of Dianne discussing the particular difficulties he had to overcome and chat about that. Maybe she could have a friend over and they could try teaching each other some dance moves while one is wearing a blindfold instead.

You could take her to Claire's Accessories to choose a nice pretty sleeping mask, they have a good selection. If she is able to put the mask on herself and take it off, she might become more comfortable with it. I remember being scared not of the darkness itself, but the brisk and businesslike way a youth group leader tied the scarf over our eyes for a game, and then advancing on me with the scarf outstretched when it was my turn. But I probably wouldn't have minded putting a mask on myself.

She’d love to if she had the choice but I can’t really let her as I know nail varnish remover isn’t good to be constantly used on nails.
And I can’t let her wear it to school because they’ll take it straight off and that’ll deflate her.

There’s not much of a connection but the nail varnish checks walking around asking girls to extend their fingers out whilst waving nail varnish remover and cotton wool in the air made her a bit scared of the teachers and I think she feels scared being blindfolded knowing that these ‘strict’ people basically have control of her whilst she can’t see anything.

They even made one girl remove it from her toes as it was spotted when the girls were barefoot during PE but they’ve now let girls wear it on their toes and only come round to check and remove it from their fingers.

She wouldn't be scared of the nail polish checks if she stuck to the rules and didn't wear nail polish. It's that simple. And before you ask - I have two DDs who had to adhere to the rules at school related to clothing and make up and had to accept sanctions if they broke them.

She does and I make sure if she has varnish on it is removed.
But seeing her friends have theirs removed on the spot made her fearful of the senior teachers.

If she's still regularly putting it on despite knowing it will be removed then it will be far better for her to face the consequences. She needs to be the one checking and removing it.

She's clearly not that scared of the senior teachers if she's continuing to try and flout the rule.

It's a good exercise for them to see what it's like to be blind. I remember doing that when I was at primary after we'd had someone come and talk about Guide Dogs, and it makes you see more than any other way how hard it can be to be disabled.
We also had a teacher in a wheelchair who did a talk where she showed us just going through the school (which had been adapted for her arrival) how things could be difficult. Things like if one of the ramps had moved and she then had to go round a longer way to get in, and bags left in a corridor could mean she couldn't get down there. It gave a very powerful message to us how easy it is to not realise things that are a problem.

She does remove it herself to be fair to her, even though wearing it to school would probably be her biggest dream but I just make sure anyway.
Her favourite part of the summer holidays is having them painted constantly.

She doesn’t feel safe around some of the teachers. She doesn’t feel she is in a supportive nurturing environment. She is probably already on hyper alert just to get through the day. She’s not comfortable with the level of vulnerability she will feel blindfolded in this situation. I think you should take her misgivings seriously and tell the school she won’t participate

I would agree if the reason was something other than she is uncomfortable because they tell people off for repeatedly doing the same thing wrong.

I used to work at Kingswood, the blindfolded assault course won't be anything to worry about. It'll have a rope that they have to hold onto and the person at the front is supposed to tell the people behind what is happening. There might be a small 20 cm or so drop into a muddy hole and a tunnel to crawl through etc. they'll likely wear gloves and helmets too for extra protection.

Get her an eye mask and practise playing some of the games at home and things like Heads Down Thumbs up.

The nail varnish link is a bit weird rules are rules but she could still wear a clear coat if she wanted to

I’ve seen pictures of some of my friends kids doing it at Kingswood and it seems alright.
I remember seeing it when I went myself when I was in primary school but we didn’t actually do it.

I think I’ll have to blindfold her at home and see how she goes.

I agree but I think the girls who repeatedly wear it comes from their parents telling them that the school removing their nail varnish is ridiculous so it fuels the girls to keep wearing it, going off their parents’ opinion on the rule rather than the school’s actual rule.

They even made a girl sit on a chair in the office and remove it from her toes after it was noticed during PE.

You’ve posted about the nail varnish before (your, uh, zeal in discussing it felt familiar).

It comes across rather oddly to post about it again, and alongside the topic of blindfolding preteen girls.

A whole host of team building games, all blindfolded, that warrants a letter and a mention in assembly? Very odd.

Some children are more anxious than others. It may not be the same teachers planning the trip as it is taking the nail varnish off. I would contact them and have a discussion about how your dd feels and how they can support her to participate. Things such as letting people have the choice between face covering or closing their eyes. Having discussions before about how it feels to lose control and also discussion around consent. It sounds like most of them are really excited so it is unlikely to change the activities for most of them.

This thread is strange. Most schools have rules about uniforms, nail varnish, excessive make up etc. Most teens just roll their eyes at the teachers enforcing it. They aren't scared of them. Just practice at home with a blindfold. She'll be fine.

All feels a bit mollycoddling to me, 'deflated' because she can't wear nail varnish? It's been a school rule for as long as I can remember, in both primary and secondary, why should your child be different?

To make being blindfolded such a drama, most children would have had experience of this I'd imagine.

And we wonder why the children and teens of today are such (to use a word I really dislike) snowflakes...

I don't think it matters that she likes nail varnish. People like all sorts of things. She has twelve weeks a year to wear nail varnish.

Being afraid because she has seen so some of her friends being told to remove nail varnish is something I would be concerned about if I was her mother. One of my teenagers is a worrier. So I do things to try to help her with that as I don't want her being an adult woman who worries and who is afraid of living her life. I don't indulge her worrying about things that don't matter or that she can't do anything about.

My dd would definitely be worried about doing things blindfolded at school. But I wouldn't think 'oh yes, she's worried about that because she's never been blindfolded and she's scared of the teachers because she's seen other people being told to remove nail varnish'.

I'd think 'this seems like something that could help me dd feel more confident in her relationships with her friends and more importantly, the staff that she seems afraid of because they have told off someone she knows for breaking a school rule.' And 'she might not feel comfortable with this is what can I do to help her'

And if I didn't see the value in the activity I'd use the internet to try to find out why other people thought it was valuable.

I didn’t see the letter as strange as I remember my primary school did the same thing in the early 90’s.

At no point did I say she should be different.
I just said that it’d deflate her if she had to remove it in front of an entire class with everyone watching so I make sure she does it at home.

Your DD is deflated at not being able to wear nail varnish? And being able to wear it in the summer is the best bit? I think she needs to mature a bit.