Shouted at daughters bully

[Jenwilks82]

So I think I may have messed up.
My almost 13 year old daughter has been getting targeted by some horrible girls, one in particular being the ringleader. The rumors about her, isolation, inviting her to places just to be the butt of a joke.
We were driving home and the main girl was on the path, I stopped and shouted at her to leave my daughter alone, and it's not big or clever to bully. They ran after the car shouting abuse, so again I shouted at this girl saying it's wrong, how would she like it if someone said things to her or called her a mess and a fat cow etc (things my slim little daughter gets called and now won't eat!).
Long story short they recorded me and the parents of this girl are rough! They said they are going to the police, school etc and I'm pretty sure this video will make things worse.
I know I should have kept my emotions in check and I'm in the wrong for shouting at a minor, but how much trouble could I be in?

I don't want to make you feel shitter op but that was a really bad move and was very unlikely to result in an improved situation for your DD. Although I do have a huge amount of sympathy for you and your DD. I agree with a pp...if you can change schools, I'd do that

It's funny how the parents won't take the slightest bit of notice about whether what you've said about the bullying is true.

Immediately they are on the defence and it's you at fault.

I know you're never to confront a child (teen) but when you see the heartbreak it's causing your kid it can take over you.

I think I'd have done the same.

I’m the same age and was mouthy but parents and adults would have made me wary.

I dont condone shouting at children and expecting them to cower in terror. However, when dealing with this situation I was shocked that tweens were openly aggressive to me as I passed by (without engaging).

You did absolutely nothing wrong, maybe the school and/or police will ask questions as to why you said what you did. This situation needs bringing to a head and sorting. If you had attacked her (tempting as it maybe) that really would have been a different story.

Are the school aware of the bullying?
If it were me I'd contact the school this morning to make them aware before the other family do. tell them that you acted out of extreme frustration and emotion but the bullying has taken its toll. Admit that you should've handled it better but then ask school what they can do to support your daughter.
If they don't offer support then I'd move your dc.

The problem is that the girl was on the path at the time while you were in the car, so this is going to look like an unprovoked verbal attack.

I would report the interaction to the school. I would also ask the school while they have failed to manage this so far. It's not good enough on their part.

After my dgc was bullied and parent complained to the school, my DD was beaten up outside the school by the the parent of the bully, for complaining!
The school gate/playground is a very different place from when I was a kid.
If you feel the school aren't adequately dealing with the bullying, go to the police.
But ultimately get looking for another school.
A word of caution though, if the next school isn't too far be prepared for friends and relatives of original bullies to take the baton and run with it 😔

OP I have done similar. In fact, I did worse. I chased down one of the kids who had got my son on the floor in the park and had gone through his pockets! I then told him that should he go near my son again I would knock his mother out. I did worry afterwards that his mum could be a 6 foot MMA fighter but I can hold my own despite being just 5 foot 3 and nothing ever came of it. The kid never went near my son again but sadly it didn't stop others. My son is now home-schooled due to the impact it was having on his mental health, he's also autistic so perhaps that makes him more vulnerable to this kind of longstanding abuse.

This was after he'd already been subjected to a long campaign of bullying, complaints to school, governors and switching schools! When you've exhausted all avenues and watched your child suffer with, seemingly, no one giving a fuck then things like this will happen.

I agree with others saying to approach the school with what has happened, they can keep a closer eye on your daughter in case this has a knock on effect.

Or even better ''Move area''. Like people have a few hundred thousands {or millions if it's London} in the bank to move to a ''nicer area''.

It’s not the police or the “rough” parents I would be worrying about, but more the video circulating on social media and adding fuel to the bullying. I have often seen children become laughing stocks because of their parents being recorded on social media for the most minor things, let alone shouting at a group of kids. I would talk to the head of year as soon as possible so they can get ahead and stop the video being shared if necessary.

So my mom did this to my bully and they did leave me alone after 😂 my mom is a bit of a hard nut and did say get your parents to talk to me if there's a problem and I'll tell them everything you've been up to, they never did!

Good grief...This is awful.

I'm appalled that a parent of a vile bully would attack the child victim for telling an adult about it.

What on earth is society coming to? Ferals.

My son {a man now} paid privately for a vasectomy as he is adamant he doesn't want to bring children into the society we have now.

They didn’t attack the child, they attacked the child’s mother (not that this makes it ok, of course)

I too went after a group of teen boys who sold my son something that was faulty and then mocked him for buying it.

I was fuming - I think kids can tell If you are genuinely furious- anyway, I got the money back!
I was called a 'Psychopathic bitch' by one of the cheeky teens- but I didn't care.

However, that was before smartphones were a ''thing'' that every kid had.

Oh sorry, my mistake ''Grandchild''...and your Daughter got beaten up.

That's still dreadful.

Still feral a parent for attacking her.

@oakleaffy

I assumed dd was a child too!! Easy mistake.

You’re human and you have pointed out to them what they’re doing wrong. You haven’t broken any laws .

I wouldn’t be worried about yourself, I’d be worried about your poor daughter. These don’t sound like girls who will have taken that well or will back off as a result - your daughter may well find the bullying she’s experiencing gets far worse as a result.

Children are vile, yes, and bullying is awful, but there are far better ways to respond. You likely won’t get into trouble…but I’m very surprised your response is to think about yourself and implications for you and not how it might affect your child

I understand your actions, I remember one occasion pinning a scumbag to a wall and screaming I would tear his skin off if he ever threw a stone (rock) at my child's buggy again.

I remember the adrenaline and thinking back to my law days and remembering I had a legally precedent defence.

Unfortunately you don't have the defence and now a days the issue is it is likely on a social media platform. Are you in a job that this could cause issues?

You may well end up on a local FB group as “look at this horrible woman shouting abuse at my angel child” so just be prepared for that.
Are the school aware of the bullying?

Can you fight fire with fire and get the police involved? If an adult was doing this to another adult then you'd get a restraining order and try to get them done for harassment. They are over the age of criminal responsibility. Your dd needs to start writing everything down with dates and times, try to get as much audio or video recording as possible.

I approached my child's bully in a calm
Non threatening manner and reminded him that now he was ten he could be arrested and prosecuted so to think very very carefully about throwing pieces of glass and stones at people. He never did it again .

When my son was assaulted by another bully at high school I just rang the Schools Community Police man and he sorted it out. I contacted the school after contacting the cop . They were not happy but tough . My son was never bothered again as it went like wildfire through the school that the police were involved. Try the schools Community cop route .

Whhhhoooaaaaa. First of all that seriously sucks that your daughter is being bullied. These girls sound horrendous.

But - never ever ever ever address these kids yourself. Ever. You are the adult here and need to act like it - however awful they are they are minors. You will only ever make it worse and now the focus is on your behaviour and not on the girls bullying. What if they lie and say they were intimidated and scared etc. They may go to the police and it’s their word against yours. Technically they can say they were being threatened and verbally assaulted by you (yeah it could be a lie but the police don’t know these girls or what they have done). Why would you invite that into your life? You are now dealing with another issue and frankly could have made it worse for your daughter. How are they going to react when they next see her?

You need to address this with the school (as per their policy) and ensure they are dealing with it there. Document everything and keep records. Speak to them regularly and often. Good luck.

Or "LTB". That's right, a decade of marriage to your child's other parent out the window (not to mention selling the family home) just because Karen on Mumsnet thinks he's "vile".