Any year 7 without a phone?

[lighttherapy]

DS started at secondary school in September and has settled in happily. His school is a fifteen minute walk away and he has made new friends both at school and on the walk. He's a social butterfly!

He doesn't have a phone as we see no need for it. The walk is a straightforward route in a residential area, well lit, about 10 minutes straight on one main road (just houses on both sides, no shops, no roundabout) and then turning into our quiet side road.

He recently met up with old friends from primary school at a birthday party (communicated via mums whatsapp) and came back saying all of them have phones and they want to speak with him. He also said that before school broke last week his new friends at school and on the school walk have spoken about coming to each other's place during half term for playdates. Now he has no way of communicating with them to arrange any of this. I have no numbers either as they're all new friends.

What should I do? I recently read on the newspapers about some schools / parents commiting to avoid giving them phones until Y9 which I quite agree. I intend to leave him phoneless and use all his social skills in person until then. He's not really begging for it but part of me feels guilty for not letting him be with his friends outside school.

Anyone else with a phoneless Y7-Y9?

My son is also y7. He got a phone last Christmas (so in y6). I don’t agree with it but it’s the fact that all his friends have one so socially it would be a huge inconvenience for him not to have one

also the school communicates about homework and other things via an app. A lot of the homework is done on the app. Admittedly this could be via a tablet rather than a phone.

My DS is in a very similar situation to yours, OP. Started secondary in September, a 15 minute walk away, no phone. He has made lots of new friends, has settled well and is very happy. Up to now, no request for a phone which I'm happy with and I'm hoping to avoid getting him a phone for at least a year or two. He has two older siblings who both got smart phones (with restrictions) once they started in Year 7 - mainly just because it seemed like everyone else was, and it was the "done thing". I've since read more about the Phone free movement for under 16s and it changed my outlook. I've also noticed that there are a few of my 12 year old DS's friends who also don't have phones.

Mine will be getting a Nokia brick phone next year in Year 7 as they need to travel. I need them to be able to call me and look up public transport disruptions etc should they occur.
They will also be getting an IPad, Apple Pencil and keyboard with controlled educational apps only to do their homework on. That will be their end of Year 6 present.

I think no smartphone till year 9 is the way forward, nevertheless I got my DD one in year 7. She is a very sociable child and hated being only one without phone..I couldn't cope with her going on and on about it, it was like a broken record. She has no social media other than WhatsApp, and so far it's not been as bad as I feared. She needed one for my sanity.

I need them to be able to call me and look up public transport disruptions etc should they occur.

How can they do that if the brick phone has no intenet access @Araminta1003?

They will call or text me @RampantIvy and I will look it up!

I suppose it might also depend on schools
Homework is on apps
Ordering food on app
Check money balance on app

I'm sure there was another one but I can't remember what it was.

@Needanewname42 I was born in 1991 and have a 9 year old with a phone. Yes, I would have actually waited until secondary given optimal circumstances, but she was inconsolable at being unable to contact me on "daddy weekends" and he's a prick who wouldn't let her use his phone.

My generation literally hit teenage years at the same time instant messaging, phones and social media were a thing and from talking to friends and peers, seem to agree that the unmonitored access we had was terrible but the social aspect is great. There are so many locks and controls on her phone you wouldn't believe and, having grown up around it all I'm just as savvy as the current teenagers.

Got a 17 year old brother who my parents parented the same as me vs and that's scary. Because while 30-somethings were eased into things naturally by technology progression, he was given a phone and internet access by parents who thought normal restrictions and old school thoughts applied.

My personal feeling is that it's better to give a child a smart phone in Y7 and heavily regulate and monitor.

The idea of suddenly giving 16 year olds a smartphone and access to social media is really quite terrifying.

It is a million times easier to communicate with an 11/12 year old over phone use, ask to see their messages etc than it is to do that with a 16 year old.

One thing I have noticed is that my DD's peer group (Y11, 15-16) have zero interest in things like 'likes' on Instagram and Facebook and are far more focused on content, or on communicating with each other. This is very different from the now 20 year olds, who 5 years ago were utterly obsessed with getting validation on their posts.

I suspect making smart phones forbidden fruit will cause more problems in the end.

Will also point out that I know quite a few children whose parents are very proud that they have resisted the smart phone. What they don't know is that their kids all have illicit smart phones that they know nothing about - gifted by friends when they upgraded, and run off wifi.

Aside from technology the world really isn't that much different. People are people. You need to teach your child what to do in an emergency.

I've told this story before. A woman I know, early 30's so not born in the 80's either, her child started high school with oligatory smartphone. About 2 weeks in, the bus he was travelling on broke down and kicked out all the passengers. She phoned me ranting and raving about it later saying it was a disgrace he was, and I quote', left to fend for himself' on the pavement because the charge on his phone had all gone.

There was a shop right there. A shop he could have walked into and politely explained what had happened to the owner who I'm sure could have contacted her parent. But oh no, he didn't know her phone number NOR did he have the common sense to even think of going into the shop, could have asked the owner to charge his phone enough to phone his mum. Zero common sense, zero social skills.

I blame her for not giving him the life skills to deal with an emergency. As a 12 year old I dealt with a car accident. Without a mobile phone shock horror.

Honestly, a lot of people not born in the 80's are not giving their children adequate life skills. What on earth are they all going to do with a solar flare knocks out our smartphone technology and they are sans phone!

Just let him have a phone.

You can still parent a child with a phone/tablet/computer console and you can put limits or parental controls on it.

@mumyes I would argue your DD does have a phone based on the access you’ve given. She could have a phone of her own that was that locked down anyway.

@LittleMissFuckUp
All makes perfect sense. I don't think for a second your DD is the only child with separated parents which has been a driver for kids phones. I'm sure it's a driver for many primary aged kids.

They'll also be kids who are tweens, early teens now who's driver for getting phones was covid lockdowns, and restrictions when they were young enough to want friends contact but didn't already have phones.

I was late having my kids, so was in my 20s before my first mobile, and smart phones came later. But I also have 20 something neices who grew up with phones.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow very good points there.

The people who are suggesting brick phones are you the generation who had bricks as kids?
Because to me it's barely a step on from the people suggesting no phones use the land-line.

I am giving my youngest a brick phone because I now disagree with Year 7 smart phones, from past experience. They distracted my older DC - especially one of the Covid teens became almost addicted to Snap Chat. And of course I read the Anxious Generation by J Haidt.
Plus all the rich and influential people are doing it because they do not trust social media giants with their kids personal info. They could be blackmailed in the future.

@Araminta1003 why in earth would you allow an 11 year old to have Snapchat though? The phone isn’t the problem it’s the parents.

No @Spacecrispsnack - DC did not get Snapchat until 14. They got WhatsApp earlier because it was Covid and they were lonely and wanted to chat to all their friends in a group and was also on WhatsApp calls during the Covid period to work with friends to avoid loneliness. They got more screen access to make up for Covid and the isolation.
Now I do not see the need for the youngest to live and socialise virtually as much since we are not in Covid anymore. We are a household were adult DCs still hand in screens and phones, of their own volition. There are no parenting issues here. All are hardworking high achievers. I am just anti smart phone for young teens now, just as I am anti alcohol and anti vapes for older teens. I am not the only one. There are plenty of parents like me now around.

it's better to give a child a smart phone in Y7 and heavily regulate and monitor.

Exactly

Is it here where I live a different planet?
Most or rather nearly all of the kids had phones in y6. In Y6 they had several Whatsapp groups and that is how they keep in touch even now when they went to different schools.
Same with Y7. Kids do have Whatsapp and Discord account. Snapchat is not a popular thing

I held out and said no during primary school (despite a lot of pressure). Year 7 my child got a smartphone prior to starting secondary. A brick might be an option for some children, but my child would rather have no phone than a brick - and frankly I wouldn't want to embarrass them. As PPs have said, lots of schools use them for their apps (for example messages often come first thing in the morning about instructions for first thing - like assembly etc) so it wouldn't be ideal not having a smartphone. If your child is using public transport (I note OPs won't be), then they could do with bus or train apps to check running information etc.
Smartphones do concern me even for Year 7 - but you need to have rules. We even made a contract! It is about managing it.

@lighttherapy Any further forward in your thoughts?
Just another thought for you. As a short term fix from now to Christmas if you don't want to buy an phone now. You could get him a phone number and activate WhatsApp on his tablet.

Really there is little difference between having a smartphone and a tablet. But people go banana's at the word phone. Snapchat, Facebook, all available on tablets. You don't need a number for them.

There was a thread last year with the mum of a tween, trying to find a portable way for the kid to play music, too old for child options too young for a phone.
The obvious answer was an old phone without a sim. Some posters were going daft at the idea of a 10yo with a phone but no sim, but would happily give them an iPod touch or tablet.

thanks

we have not discussed this at all during half term and we intend to leave it as late as possible. DS went to a family party with us last night where most kids were older and they all took out phones while sitting together. I felt quite guilty then as DS was the only one without a phone but one of the mums told me she wished they were not having phones and actually talking to each other.

DS isn't raising an issue but I do feel we will have to reconsider as the afternoons get darker earlier now and DS stays at school till 4.30 a couple of times a week for his clubs.

Do u want him to feel isolated or do u want him to fit in?

I have had the issue of kids pulling the phones out, and made them stack them up! The kids actually started talking.