Any year 7 without a phone?

[lighttherapy]

DS started at secondary school in September and has settled in happily. His school is a fifteen minute walk away and he has made new friends both at school and on the walk. He's a social butterfly!

He doesn't have a phone as we see no need for it. The walk is a straightforward route in a residential area, well lit, about 10 minutes straight on one main road (just houses on both sides, no shops, no roundabout) and then turning into our quiet side road.

He recently met up with old friends from primary school at a birthday party (communicated via mums whatsapp) and came back saying all of them have phones and they want to speak with him. He also said that before school broke last week his new friends at school and on the school walk have spoken about coming to each other's place during half term for playdates. Now he has no way of communicating with them to arrange any of this. I have no numbers either as they're all new friends.

What should I do? I recently read on the newspapers about some schools / parents commiting to avoid giving them phones until Y9 which I quite agree. I intend to leave him phoneless and use all his social skills in person until then. He's not really begging for it but part of me feels guilty for not letting him be with his friends outside school.

Anyone else with a phoneless Y7-Y9?

Just get him a smart phone and learn how to use the parental controls. Our dc has had a very old iPhone since year 7. No social media, just WhatsApp, goes off 8pm-8am on school nights. Needs permission to download anything and internet browsing is by white listing only.

@swetti yip we forgot times have moved on. I remember one of my friends used her Grans number except she was only at Grannies on a Saturday - how to make life easy
Same friend we arranged to go swimming, I thought we'd arranged to meet outside the pool, she meant inside and we never found each other.
Phone would have been wonderful

In year 7 I used to call my friends after school on landlines. To call my parents for a lift etc I’d use a phone box.
That’s not always possible now. Just get the poor kid a phone!

How exactly does having a mobile phone make a year 7 child safer?

Theres a risk they rely on it, mistakenly, to get them out of a bad situation. Eg if the child is bullied, attacked or mugged on the way home, the mobile phone won’t help him or her. They need to learn how to ask other people for help, how to defend themselves.

Why not use a smart phone with parental controls? You can set daily and app based time limits and also ban apps you don't want them to use with Google parental controls for Android phones. I'm sure the same exists for Apple.
DD has had a smartphone since she was 11 but no social media because they are blocked. If she wants a new app she has to get our permission. However having the student homework app on the phone is very handy... 😉

Exactly. It's easing a parents fear rather than making them safer.
The amount of times I've seen kids almost step into the road, or just be walking along unaware of their surroundings as they're head down into the phone...

I'd be interested to see stats on this.

There's a mental health crisis amongst young people these days and the reliance on technology for everything, rather than real world skills, is the reason I believe.

What app are you using for controlling the phone?
We have Safe kids installed on a tablet for 8yo but maybe there's smth better :))

Never heard of Safekid.
But we use Google Family Link and there is an Apple equivalent.

You can control times in general ie 8am - 9pm
Control the amount of time on each app 30min YouTube is plenty in my opinion- I hate the mindless YouTube scrolling.
You have to give permission for them to download apps.

Time the overall amount of time on the phone

Mine had a brick phone in year 7, and didn't get WhatsApp until she was 13/14, and had to rely on texts and emails (and discord, a bit later). The school didn't allow phones on the premises, which meant there was no pressure to have one there. Her friends who did use WhatsApp were quite good at letting her know if something was being arranged, although occasionally they forgot, and sometimes she had to badger people by text to update her.

I think that at the minimum you should ensure he has a brick phone so texts/calls are possible. If you're lucky, his mates will keep him in the loop by text, but if not then I think I might consider giving him some limited access to WhatsApp at home.

Haven't RTFT but I'm signed up to smartphone free childhood. A brick phone is all they need for texts.

@lanthanum that's great but why have your child relying on someone else relaying WhatsApp messages?
Unless there is a finance issue, I think you want to make sure your kid is 100% incharge of their own communications.

It feels a bit selfish you want to keep your kid 'safe' away from the Internet but are happy for someone else's kids to take the risk.

5475878237NC How old is your kid?

I'm still gobsmacked that we are at the start of the second generation of kids to grow up with phones in their pockets.

Well, for a start, WhatsApp is not supposed to be used by under 13s, and initially she wasn't the only one not using it (she was the youngest, so didn't have the option until later). It was really quite seldom that there was a problem, as usually they talked to each other (face-to-face) about arrangements anyway, so the messages were often only finalising things. She didn't even ask for WhatsApp until a while after her birthday.

I wasn't expecting anyone else's kids to take a risk - they could also have stuck to texting, and indeed, it was easier for them to do that because they wouldn't have been the only one.

@Whymeee just using the inbuilt Apple screen time controls - they work pretty well as long as you use a pin there’s no way they know. Plus we ‘inspect’ his phone regularly and he knows he’ll lose it (he’s 13) if we find he’s found a way around the controls. He is allowed to ask for amendments/apps/access to things and where we can we say yes. So for instance he’s been playing what I would consider to be a trashy (but suitable - think candy crush) game with friends this half term which we said yes to as we had a 5 hour car journey, but we’ve said if he can’t control his use of it long term we’ll delete it.

@5475878237NC how are they going to FaceTime with a brick though? Or plan travel arrangements etc. My 13 year old finds all sorts of apps useful for scout planning.

Smartphone free childhood is misguided in my view - they should be highlighting smartphone controlled childhood it would be more accessible to more people and lead to a much higher buy in.

It's interesting to see from the replies that the majority of parents still support a smartphone for an 11 year old (with various controls), a minority supporting a brick phone, and in my case a small number giving no phones at all.

I've been reading up the Smartphone Free Movement and while I agree with the principle I still struggle with the practical solutions to help my child navigate the social scene at secondary school.

This is a big market for Big Tech so why they have not promoted something like Whatsapp Kids - similar to Youtube kids or Kids bank account, linked to parents accounts and only parent approved numbers / groups can contact, and parents have full visibility of activities until 13/14.

Also a kid version smartphone would also be of interest to parents, where it's fully linked to parents phone.

The reason for not having kids versions of WhatsApp is they'd be no real difference between it and the adult version.
The Government has set the laws that under 13 aren't allowed on Social media, aren't allowed banking apps. Can have parental controls.

The second they turn 13 they have full adult rights inc the right to turn off parental controls.

I feel that age should be raised to 16. With some relaxation of laws from 13, ie allowed to chat on WhatsApp type apps but not put photos on FB.
But that's easier to say that to actually create legislation for.

Even I wouldn't be seen dead with that lump of shit and I am 58! I'd expect any secondary school child would prefer to bin it. I would.

Get him a smartphone so that he can use WhatsApp. Set the parental controls on it. Spot check on his messaging and activity.

My dtwins started year 7 in September, neither have a phone. It’s a very short walk to school. They are not socially isolated, if they want to meet up with friends then I organise it via their friends parents. They’re 12 and far too young to be glued to a phone. They aren’t particularly bothered by not having a phone and we’ve agreed that we’ll reassess at age 14.

My 10 year old and 13 year old both have basic smart phones, eldest got one just before secondary, youngest summer of year 5 as he was going to be walking home, some days to an empty house, in year 6. Just put on restrictions, set limits and stick to them. My 13 year old is well aware he can turn off the restrictions on his phone, but knows if he does it he will lose it for a while, which is awful for his social life, so he doesn't do it. Youngest doesn't use his phone that much but its helpful if he wants to go to the park on the way home from school or go to a friends house. Ideally the youngest would have not had one for another year but then ideally, I wouldn't need to work.

Do you live in the rural area? I live in London. Go to Nexdoor and read what is happening around you.

Forgive me but you sound very naive

Did you have those stats then? The ones that back up your statement that 11 year olds are in more danger than ever these days? And the ones that prove 11 year olds are safer with a phone?

I'd prefer to avoid the personal attacks if that's OK, it's not conducive to learning much.

My daughter has just started year 7 and was the only one without a phone when she was in year 6. We have bought her a phone as she is now doing after-school clubs, goes to the park afterwards with friends and we live a 40min walk away. She can only text in it as we've said no to any social media - which she has been fine with. I work in a school and have seen the damage social media can do to children and friendship groups. I'm in absolutely no rush to allow her access to it!

I have a year 9 and you need to give him a phone. All communications among friends are using WhatsApp. DC1 didn’t have instagram and Snapchat until 13 because sadly that’s the age limit on those apps and I can’t sound convincing if I say she’s not allowed. I wish they are 16+. (Apparently this is linked to country’s legislation).

Use Google or AI. Not sure where you see personal attack. An experience of somebody living in big cityis totally different than in the rural area. For the big city person what you wrote sound very naive. Nothing personal about it