Does my daughter need a toilet pass?

[BeFunnyAmberPlayer]

My daughter who is in year 8 has told me that toilets are locked all day and are only opened at break but they are too busy and she can’t find the time to go. She has stopped eating or drinking at school as she doesn’t want to have to use the toilet but this is really stressing her. She wears 2 pads on her period because she can’t change it at school and I wanted to email the school asking for a toilet pass but she told me I will be denied as she doesn’t have any medical conditions. Do you think she needs one?

This was the same at my daughters school. Toilet passes were only given to children with medical conditions.

I'm not saying this was ok, but it was my experience.

No. What needs to change is the availability of the toilets.

Infuriating to read this.
No child should "need" a toilet pass, but the world we are in where schools are expected to manage so many things aside from learning, this is just a method of reducing further issues.
In the circumstances you describe, yes I would contact the school and explain all as you have here.
Your daughter needs to be comfortable in school, staying hydrated and being able to manage her own personal care is not a luxury. Be polite but firm.

You can only ask.
If her periods are heavy, I'd ask for a GP's note and include that with my request. You could also point out that she's not eating or drinking which becomes an 'eating disorder' risk.
As a teacher, I can see both sides but there must be a way for 'good' kids to have straightforward access to loos.

When you say the toilets are locked all day and only open at break that means they are locked during lessons which is entirely reasonable. Your DD just needs to make sure she goes at break time. When she says they’re too busy does that mean she doesn’t like queuing or doesn’t like it when they’re really busy? She maybe just needs to work out when it’s quieter during the breaks. She doesn’t need a toilet pass.

She has social anxiety so she says she can’t go when it’s busy and usually the queues are so long she doesn’t have much time in there

Exactly this.
Why should she have a pass to go during lessons because she doesn’t want to use the loos during breaks?

It’s because she’s too nervous to go when it’s busy

If she can sit in a classroom she can use a loo.

She panics a lot during class and doesn’t really do any work because anywhere with more than 1 or 2 people is overwhelming for her

If she has anxiety around using the toilets then school may accept this as a medical reason.

At my school as long as parents were prepared to phone up and ask for one they were given out.

A child who is not eating or drinking all day to avoid using the toilet is clearly struggling a lot and needs reasonable adjustments.

Can you talk to her about what she’s nervous about?
If she has her period it will be better to quickly change a pad that risk leaking and being really uncomfortable. Not going for a wee for 6 hours could cause a UTI.
If she has to queue so be it, I mean it’s the same for women’s toilets everywhere!
However if she needs to go at another time due to whatever reason she should be able to go and shouldn’t need a ridiculous pass.

I would ask the school about getting one, she’s not eating and drinking, it’s causing her anxiety

The problem obviously runs much deeper than toilets. I hope she is getting support for her needs. Speak to school about the toileting issue.

You've clearly not hung around secondary toilets at break time (I do a break duty there). It's not the same thing at all. Navigating the kids who pile in there to vape...

I'd push the stopping eating and drinking angle and the anxiety.

So this is part of a much bigger issue. Is she getting any support from anyone else in or out of school for her anxiety?
She may possibly be allowed a toilet pass, but missing part of lessons to go to the toilet isn’t exactly an ideal solution either - disruptive to her learning. I would ask for a meeting with the pastoral team and come up with a plan which doesn’t involve missing lesson time.

Cross post with @kenidorm

We would ask for medical evidence of need to issue a toilet pass, however we do issue them from time to time on a discretionary basis for issues such as anxiety & SEN and would do this via the pastoral teams.

I’d suggest dropping an email to your DDs pastoral manager explaining what’s going on and take it from there.

Social anxiety is reason for a pass. It's hard to balance. Free access to toilets leads to all manner of things (from sex to smoking to bullying).

We have a toilet rota and have to sit outside taking names during classes - 2 at a time allowed. It works

Exactly this!
I couldn't believe it when my daughter said they were locked and only opened at break times. Then there is a massive queue so it still makes it difficult for her to use them. She has also stopped drinking at school

Locked toilets are crazy! DS Y7 came home bursting yesterday because he has two periods between lunch and home time then bus home so nearly three hours without a loo break… it was a hot day so he’d had plenty to drink… totally stupid situation kids need to be allowed to wee when they need to!!

Imagine needing medical evidence to use the toilet. Pathetic.

Kids need to not smash up the toilets, smoke, take drugs or do anything else that they do when staff aren't able to supervise them, then.

Often the kids who just want to be able to perform normal bodily functions are not the ones wrecking the place, but they still get punished.