Does my daughter need a toilet pass?

[BeFunnyAmberPlayer]

My daughter who is in year 8 has told me that toilets are locked all day and are only opened at break but they are too busy and she can’t find the time to go. She has stopped eating or drinking at school as she doesn’t want to have to use the toilet but this is really stressing her. She wears 2 pads on her period because she can’t change it at school and I wanted to email the school asking for a toilet pass but she told me I will be denied as she doesn’t have any medical conditions. Do you think she needs one?

@KerryBlues you clearly don't know anything about social anxiety!

@BeFunnyAmberPlayer I would contact the SEN provision at school, hopefully they will be understanding. My son also has social anxiety/selective mutism and would not cope in that type of situation either and would likely need a toilet pass. It may not be a physical medical condition but it is a condition preventing her being able to use the facilities at particular times.

Is your daughter under SEN provision for her social anxiety? I have found them extremely helpful for my son who is in a similar situation.

I can only imagine it being doubly traumatic for a girl with having to cope with montly periods on top of this too so I would definitely contact the school stating what you have mentioned here.

Exactly this! If schools need to Police the toilets then that’s what needs to happen. They can’t just stop all kids using them it’s awful.

Well, go to the gp she has a medical reason! If she has anxiety that is affecting her daily living (which it is) then its a medical reason. Get help for her anxiety whilst you're there.

Toilets in DDs secondary schools are horrendous. Bullying, vaping, vandalism and disgusting behaviour, such as smearing poo and period blood up the walls. The school was completely unable to control the feral behaviour, so the toilets are locked most of the school day. Only open during break times, so queues are long.

Consequently DD never goes to the toilet at school, which means she's stopped eating and drinking during the day. It seems to be a common problem in many schools. I've no idea why the behaviour in toilets is so out of control in so many schools.

OP - ask for a toilet pass. Your poor DD sounds like she's really struggling. Get her some period pants too so she's not wearing 2 pads during the days she has her period.

What a horrible thing to say. I don’t think you have any idea of the realities of anxiety.
I should imagine that queuing for the loo, probably pushed for time and having to ‘go’ overheard by an audience, is hell for most teenagers.
What if all workplaces implemented this? And staff were only allowed to go to the loo at certain times of the day. There would be an outcry; there already has been at some workplaces.
The issue is that schools need enough private and decent loo facilities.
Your poor daughter. Yes she needs a loo pass. Speak the MH lead at her school. There is a legal obligation to make reasonable adjustments if her anxiety is severe enough to be considered a disability.

Which teaching staff are they going to make redundant to pay for approximately 18-20 (to allow for lunch and break covers) toilet attendants?

I'd be very concerned about her not doing any work too. How will she be learning anything?

It means the queues are so long that they are locked before everybody has been. My son and my friend's daughter have both had UTI's. Nobody dares have a drink. This is now spreading to primary schools and small
Children coming home wet. It's utterly disgusting.

This topic blows my mind.

I'm pushing 40. I am so very old or did I just go to a reasonable school? We just asked the teacher in the lesson if we could go, they'd say yes, we'd go and come back.

Has this gatekeeping of toilets been around for ages or is it new?

My daughter has anxiety and can't ask to use the toilet or go when it's busy and the school gave her a toilet pass. She is under care for anxiety and has some other accommodations as well as this one. It's a horrible situation but she is doing much better with this and a couple other simple changes.

It's awful. I know school isn't the workplace, but it does seem a useful rule of thumb that if something would get a union rep out instantly, it wouldn't be acceptable. There's a difference between not being able to use the loo immediately (like on a checkout) and the loos being completely off limits, for what could be quite a while (my school timetable had 2 hours between lunch break and the end of the day, and are the loos even open at the end of the day?). Social anxiety is a completely valid reason for the toilet pass so I'd get her one - even if she doesn't use it much the thought of it may help the anxiety.

My son was given toilet pass, not for a medical reason, but because he wasn't drinking as the toilets were always broken or locked, and there was only one set year 7 were allowed to use. He is on the SEN register though.

My daughter has a medical card for her enuresis. It means she is allowed out of lesson if she asks. But the toilets aren't locked. There are supervisors who go around checking toilets and taking names of the children who are out of lesson. My daughter is actually too nervous to ask to use the medical card but I am glad she has one for when she feels brave enough. It's difficult because primary would let her go whenever she needed to as she can't hold it in.

What are you doing about this? She needs intervention now. She isnt working in class, isnt eating and drinking, wont go to the toilet because it is busy? What hell is she getting?

Why should anyone have a pass? Let’s treat our teens like the responsible, capable humans we want them to be instead. Let them go to the toilet in lessons, they can’t do that responsibly at the moment because they’re locked! Would not be surprised if this locked loo situation is ongoing from when there was a whole other batch of pupils. Talk about learned incompetence.

Can you imagine the outcry of this happened in the workplace. Students are treated like shit at school be it uniforms, toilets, food etc.......... no wonder some are rebelling.

I am aghast that anyone is deprived of access to toilets.
Back in the 80's I had a particular Deputy Head that HATED anyone using toilets in lesson times. Even pupils with kidney conditions, like me. Op Id absolutely contact the GP regarding a toilet pass.

Can you imagine toilet doors being kicked in, sexual assault and vaping indoors being accepted in the work place?

@ButterAsADip while I agree that most teenagers are responsible and capable, I’m afraid there are also too many who use the toilets to vape, use social media on their phones, shove rubbish down the toilets etc etc so locking them during lessons is often the only practical solution. Believe it or not, teachers have more important things to do than patrol toilets! It should be possible for a teenager to go a couple of hours without having to use the loo.

I think if parents would like schools to open toilets during lesson times they should volunteer to go and sit in them during those times to stop the vandalism, vaping etc, that has caused them needing to be closed.

Yes this, they are opened enough for people to go no one's child is more precious than another, children need to go when it is opened

I’ve worked asa teacher in a school where students could queue all break and still not get to the toilet by the end. It definitely affects girls more than boys and I’m sure there’s probably a discrimination case in there somewhere. Schools really should have adequate toilet provision.

If you can get a medical note for your daughter, go for it, but ideally the best solution would be to get a group of parents together and apply pressure for better provision.

It isnt. Damage to toilets can cost in the thousands. Parents dont pay for damage caused so that is money that should have gone elsewhere.

the problem with most schools is that they were built for significantly fewer pupils than they currently have. They dont have the size of facilities to deal with the numbers.

Presumably you didn’t have a phone that you’d just used under the table to arrange to meet your mate there, or a vape tucked into your bra?

Schools have totally different challenges now to the ones they had when we were at school.

OP, if she has social anxiety and struggles in lessons, are you already in touch with the SENCO? This is ‘reasonable adjustment’ territory (eg, toilet pass or access to a quieter bathroom)