Bullying

[Copasetic]

DS will be going into year 9 soon and has been bullied on and off since the start of year 7 by some boys that the school want out the school but the head needs to manage them out. They are regularly suspended. Initially it was one boy and now it's another. My son said that at the end of last term his best friend said he didn't want to be friends anymore because he thinks he'll be their next target if he stays friends with him. DS has no shortage of friends but had been so much happier the last year with a best friend. He is being bullied because of his extra curricular he does out of school. There is another school a similar distance from us - about 15/20 minutes walk. Last night I applied for a place there knowing it won't get looked at until the start of term. It will be full anyway so the best we could do I think is go on a waiting list. He's not sure if he wants to move school anyway but it all seemed more manageable before his friend ditched him.

What would you do?

Im sorry this must be so awful to your DS and you. I've said if my son gets bullied I'd take him straight out.

It's horrific. I assume the school have informed the bullies parents?

I was bullied my Mum went the police, they took it seriously and the school swiftly moved the bully. I would go hard on the school say you will report them to ofsted etc. Your son can't go back to it.

Yes. One of those. He is very good and school only know how good he is because he wins medals internationally.

He loved primary and most of his friends went to this other school. We left all his friends behind to go to this school.

How do you check if over subscribed? I know it is though as for year 7 I know a few people who didn't get in. We are catchment though.

His current school has a specialism in his out of school activity and it seemed the obvious choice. It's generally a good school and both my other children went there and loved it.

It doesn’t matter what his sport is, nor does it matter what junior school was like - bullies are mean nasty people who make others lives a misery.

If school want them out - they have to go somewhere and by the sounds of it the other school might have to take them - I’m just pointing this out.

Have you look at the complaints procedure - should be online and is a parents charter - go and find it.

I would speak to your DS about moving schools - he may not want to.

I would also ask him to speak to his friend, he could be next regardless.

Good luck to you.

Who is in charge of this extra curricular activity? The school? A teacher?

The Head managing them out, but achieving little in 2 years is poor. Worse still he hasn't actually put anything in place to stop ds being bullied. Have you complained in writing to the Head and the Board of Governors?

It is completely independent to the school. The trouble is, both years my son has only told me when the bullying has got bad or noticed by teachers. He didn't want to make it worse by reporting it. There for a lot of time has been wasted and they have got away with a lot. In both year 7 and 8 it has escalated towards the end of the year so I can't say the school have had two years of mismanagement. At the end of year 8 they did say he wouldn't come in contact with his again that year because he was suspended but he still came back and managed to bully him again. This is something they did mismanage.

So does this boy bully ds at the actual outside activity aswell ?

And then again in school?

Because surely you need 2 separate complaints. Against the club eg football /judo organisation. Who is nothing to do with the school. Just uses their facilities to run the class.

And against the school. Because bullying is going on, on school premises during school time.

Op check with your local authority or send the school an email or phone them?? Got to be worth a try x

The extra curricular is not related to school at all. In a different venue with different people. Bully boys only know about this extra curricular because DS is very good and competes internationally. The school share his success on their social media. If they hadn't then probably no one would know. However school also have a specialism in this and DS does a little with them so they might have done anyway.

There's not a lot I can do currently as school is closed but I've emailed the current school asking for a meeting. I'll ring the new school as soon as they are open.

Good post.

I would add that the school's bullying policy seems to be failing, perhaps request another meeting with the HT and ensure they are aware and deal with this robustly. They must adhere to Government guidelines.

I'm the safeguarding lead at a secondary. And have four children (three are teens).

I wouldn't change schools, if this was my son. The primary issue for your son here is that he is not reporting things as they happen. If that doesnt change, he risks finding himself in the same position in a new school, but with the added instability of a school change at a key time.

Nasty behaviour has to be repeated to meet the definition of bullying. How will school evidence this is repeated, if he doesn't report it? School do not have a crystal ball to magically know these things. Neither can they accept "it's been happening loads for the last year" (or similar) if that's a single report. That would not stick as a fair or reasonable way to get a sanction, because anyone could say that about anyone else.

A typical process to defining and dealing with bullying is:

• child nasty to another child. This IS NOT bullying.
• victim reports it. School talk to both, possibly others if they were there. Perpetrator warned it must stop.
• Same child nasty to same child again.
• Victim reports it. School speak to others to investigate what happened.
• Perpetrator now told - you've had a warning and you've done it again. Here is a sanction. Don't do it again or there will be a bigger sanction.
• Happens a third time. Reported, investigated, escalated sanction.
• and so on.

There is an added aspect to do with power imbalance. But the essential here is - your son needs empowering to report things as they happen. I would suggest

• weekly check in with HOY to chat about what happened in last week
• notebook to jot down stuff to discuss with HOY
• time out card, or equivalent, to access support at any time
• resilience work. Because there will be a whole other side to this that your son isn't telling you about.

Unless the bullies leave, nothing is going to change. Your child has to move schools unfortunately, whether he wants to or not. Bullying can have a life long impact mentally. Nothing is worth him staying in that hellish environment. I am surprised you didn’t apply for the new school earlier on.

No.

Children get suspended for all sorts of reason. That is not a reason to decide not to investigate reports. Do you understand why?