Bullying

[Copasetic]

DS will be going into year 9 soon and has been bullied on and off since the start of year 7 by some boys that the school want out the school but the head needs to manage them out. They are regularly suspended. Initially it was one boy and now it's another. My son said that at the end of last term his best friend said he didn't want to be friends anymore because he thinks he'll be their next target if he stays friends with him. DS has no shortage of friends but had been so much happier the last year with a best friend. He is being bullied because of his extra curricular he does out of school. There is another school a similar distance from us - about 15/20 minutes walk. Last night I applied for a place there knowing it won't get looked at until the start of term. It will be full anyway so the best we could do I think is go on a waiting list. He's not sure if he wants to move school anyway but it all seemed more manageable before his friend ditched him.

What would you do?

Hi op, been in this situation with my ds mainly from year 7-9 and then it died down a lot with occasional bullying until my ds left school and then got chased and beaten one evening when he was out with a friend luckily someone called the police and my ds was brought home.

The sad thing is my ds never told me until he'd left school! He was too scared of them to tell me but it explained his behaviour at home and it makes me feel so sad for him that he couldn't tell me and how it affected him.

He would go straight to bed for hours after coming home from school that I'd actually taken him to a doctor as I thought something was wrong as he was tired all the time.
He got very disruptive in the house, moody cheeky, angry ..my quiet boy turned into a very cranky teenager..if only I'd known why
He even stole money from my purse to give them as they made terrible threats to him every break time..again all of this was told to me a few years too late..it really affected my son mentally he had no confidence he was so unhappy even after leaving school...

I really feel for you op it's heartbreaking my heart broke for my ds to think what he went through..if I knew I'd of taken my ds out of the school and kicked up a storm..my advice get your son out of that school asap.. good luck op

I think you may have hit the nail on the head. He hasn't reported it much. When I said the bully was suspended several times that was only once to do with my son and even then it was that and other issues that lead to the suspension. In year 7 it was a different boy in the same group but he is rarely there now. Not sure why. Imagine a group of 3 or 4 boys of the worse in the year, trousers hanging really low, showing their pants, calling their friends their fam and bruv and innit. That's these kids. They are regularly suspended.

When you say about resilience and there being another side to this, what do you mean?

Another person said that if his current school does expel then the potential new school would have to take them. That is a good point I hadn't thought about.

That group on 3 or 4 boys who regularly get into trouble, all schools have that kind of a group. Changing school won't likely escape the existence of this kind of group - they'll just be different people.

The fact that one of the boy has had a previous sanction in relation to treatment of your son is a good thing. It means he's on the bullying log. So if he reports again, the school can escalate. He needs to report as things happen tho. Specific incidents - what happened, when, where, who was involved. Report it swiftly so it can be investigated.

Incidentally, schools can (and often do) investigate without disclosing your son reported it. Stops the fear of being labelled a 'snitch'. They may say the incident was seen by a third party, or seen on CCTV.

Resilience work may not be relevant. But school deal with many parental reports of bullying that on investigation do not meet the definition of bullying. In such cases its important your son doesn't feel invalidated just because the incident isn't bullying. It doesn't have to be called bullying to mean it was an absolutely awful experience with others.

For example you talk of one boy being horrible and getting a sanction. Then another time a different boy did something. That incident with the second boy may not be bullying, especially if its a first reported incident. It doesn't invalidate how he feels about it tho. And if it does feel to him that because its not defined as bullying then it means noone cares, that indicates he needs some resilience work.

@Pterodacty1 talks complete sense.

Why hasn't ds1 told you, and you reported it repeatedly in year 7, then 8. He needs to accept that without reporting, no action can be taken. You need to talk to him generally about his self worth and recognising issues promptly.

Op there is no need to wait to contact the school. No need to wait until the beginning of the year. Start writing your email now it will take you at least a week to prepare and get all the examples and times.

yes it's historical and you apologise for not bringing it to their attention before - he didn't feel up to it and he's only just managed to verbalise it.

and send it to Head and HoY, as soon as possible and then at least it will be recorded and there will be a paper trail.