14yo DS' terrible school report - drastic changes needed

[RealHousewivesOfTaunton]

My 14yo DS' school report came out yesterday and it's very hard reading. He's causing low-level disruption in one lesson, not making enough effort in others. His marks are atrocious. He barely does his homework. He's a bright boy but his attitude stinks.

At home, he says that school is boring and doesn't see why he should bother in "useless subjects". He spends most of his time in his room building his own online business. I monitor his internet use and his phone. He also loves playing football, plays for the school and a local team and has coaching in-between.

He had a really lovely group of friends but seems to have gravitated away from them into a group with one or two boys who concern me. They're into Andrew Tate and other online influencers who don't have healthy views about women and life in general. I monitor his laptop and phone and have parental controls set up that limit his time and access on both. I challenge views that come from AT and his ilk.

On the back of this report, I've confiscated his laptop and told him that there will be drastic changes to adjust his attitude towards school. He's in year 9, going into his GCSEs in September. Any advice?

This sounds like my brother. Very bright and self motivated but academically not very interested. He took started his own little business as a teen but struggled massively with his gcse.

If this were me I would have a sit down with him about his future. Do it in a shoulder to shoulder wat not face to face, so in the car or walking the dog so it's less confrontational.

Find out what his aims are and how he can get there, temper his expectations with your experience and knowledge about the work place. Does he want to get further into coding, what about a business qualification or apprenticeship etc, what does he need to do to get there.

Then talk about back up plans (AI could render his business redundant) talk about how in some ways you need to 'play the game' which means setting a minimum set of GCSEs which is needed for the work place. Maths and English, 5gcse at C or above or whatever the job specs say these days.

Offer him more freedom in exchange for agreeing and acting on these things.

I also agree with pp that he sounds like an accomplished young man and will probably be ok, just needs expectations to be put in place. And the incel stuff is more worrying then the academics.

Do you have an idea how much money he's actually making? The financial steer and HMRC thing will be a great move.

Both male and female role models would be wise - get him off the screen where he might also be getting more impressions of what women are than the warped crap AT pushes.

But having his own business at that age - sounds like Richard Branson.

It's worrying that he got such a low mark in English.

Could you find local tutors who can come to him at home to help him with these three subjects in particular on a weekly basis?

I would suggest making enquiries now, before tutors are booked up for the autumn term.

@RealHousewivesOfTaunton

Would he be interested in the Sea Cadets? There may be chances to go to sea and I wonder whether he would engage with that.

https://www.sea-cadets.org/

There's a unit very close to his school, so it's a possibility.

Definite yes to tutoring. I've told him before that it would happen if his marks continue to go down. It needs to be the right tutor though to get him to engage. Any ideas on finding one?

Is that possiboy combining lang and lit and he didnt revise the texts?

Tbh a lot of younger teenage boys are exposed online to AT and the like. Unfortunately it sounds superficially appealing until they think through the misogynistic implications.

Important to keep talking to him about it, hopefully it’ll pass.

He's only in year 9 so hasn't studied the GCSE syllabus yet.

He's just come home and called me "a slave to capitalism" for asking him to choose from a shortlist of tutors 🙄

Because a bit of part time drop shipping or buying cheap crap from China isn't really a valid lifetime business. Yes, it will give him a bit of pocket money. But in reality, it's a very easy business model to set up and doesn't really teach them anything about real businesses. It's also highly risky in that all it needs is someone else to undercut his prices and he'll see all his customers disappear in a flash.

It "may" turn into a proper business that makes decent profits, but 99% of such businesses don't, and he'll need new ideas and new directions to create a business that will pay his bills (and more) for the next few decades, which requires a business that other people can't easily copy/emulate/compete with.

It's hard to imagine how someone could get such a low mark in English. That suggests he didn't even try in the end of year test, especially if he otherwise has a half decent grasp of real life English and literacy. Do you have access to his test paper to see what the problem is? Did he even bother answering all the questions or did he just give up and stare out of the window??

"Calling you a slave to capitalism" really isn't great. He needs a whole attitude readjustment.

Your holiday plans sound great for getting him away from screens. I'd limit his device access to the minimal amount of time he needs to run his business.

At 14, he is just about still under your control and influence. You gave him a consequence for poor grades and now you need to see it through otherwise it won't improve. I would be choosing a male tutor, based not only on skills but on appearance as it can absolutely make a difference, preferably with a traditional 'Alpha' male presentation, he isn't likely to work well for a woman or a smaller, timid type of man.

It was perfectly possible for my DD a few years back. School realised far too late she just didn't 'get' how to answer the lang exam.
A massive effort and good controlled assessments she scraped a pass in the end.

Apparently he fell asleep midway through. I'm going to get him to the GP as he's suffering really badly with hayfever this year and been falling asleep all over the place. He got a detention the other day for napping in detention...

You could ask his football coach/PE teachers if they know someone who would tutor.

Seems unfair on the child who tries really hard, behaves really well, but just doesn't have the ability to get those grades no matter what they do.

Basing it on behaviour would be better.

Tricky. Let him keep his business running, but only if the school basics are done first. He has to pass maths and English gcse. Might he like business gcse aswell? And he'll do pe gcse aswell.

You mention an online business and I think that's important. In his mind he probably thinks that this will be his money maker so school doesn't matter. I know because I also had a little side business (parked ice cream van) and cared about nothing more than making my money in the school holidays!
But what he doesn't realise is that a good education gives you options. I was always a lazy school kid and only realised this once I was out in the world so went back to retrain alongside full time work.

If he's business savvy then maybe frame it through the scope of him gaining the grades and skills to help with his entrepreneurship? Would he watch shows like dragons den or the (old) apprentice (even if passively at first - you put them on in the evenings under the guise of you watching)? This could spark him a little further about the importance of education and appearances.

Maybe sparking his interest in one of two 'business useful' subjects might have a knock on effect? But ultimately you know best, you're his mum and we aren't seeing the attitude at work!

Helpful!

Most secondary school teachers will tell you they don't judge kids by what they are like in year 9

He's clearly motivated. He's started his own business. He has skills way behind his years in some areas it seems.

The reading dodgy content happens. You can talk to him and guide him. But use things like showing him how people who share dodgy content online can affect their businesses because he needs to be motivated to look at more mainstream ideas rather than just being told it's wrong which won't fly with a 14yo!

Remind him that even if it's not now there are politicians etc who are having what they said online 10+ years ago bite them on the arse now. Does he want to build up his business to lose it all overnight when his unpopular views are discovered.

Honestly if you fight him he'll fight back. You need to help him develop who he is but a better rounded version of it and get him to realise for himself what he needs to do.

Hi, teacher here, this is going to be your issue, i.e. 'One of them's on a managed move' - this is code for 'we can't cope with their behaviours and we believe there are wider issues affecting a whole friendship group within our community across several areas'.

Further, do you have access to your kid's bank account? I hear what you say about a business, but please think about tracking income and expenditure just so you know where money's coming from and going to.

A massive % of business entrepeeb

A massive % business entrepreneurs are adhd

Hay fever, some medication can make kids more drowsy than others. Do ask pharmacy for better choices. Also, eyes wipes used daily when pollen counts are high do also used over eyebrows areas.

My DS has a friend that did what your DS is doing. Didn't bother with schoolwork but set up his own business from 14. He is worth an absolute fortune in his mid 20s.

It’s usually only at Uni level and if at Uni on an athletic scholarship. You have to maintain minimum grades to keep your scholarship otherwise you are disenrolled from the Uni and once no longer a student can’t be on the Uni team

Uni is called college in the US which can be confusing, what we call colleges they call high schools.