Secondary schools in NYC

[Dexter77]

Hello,
we are relocating to New York in summer ‘25. My oldest will need to start secondary school there (currently year six).
I’ve been looking at private schools in primarily Manhattan, but we may well end up buying a house in Brooklyn, so great Brooklyn schools would also very Much be of interest.
I’m finding it a bit hard to read between the lines of the various descriptions and reviews of the well respected schools. I suppose we’re looking for a well-regarded “elite” school with excellent, humanistic academic focus and well-rounded pupils who are natural strivers, but equally we’re not keen on an overly discipline-focused school where children learn in perpetual fear of the next bollocking.

I gather from various reviews etc that many of the best private schools are either “progressive”, “child-led”, “social justice focused” and all about nurturing, which doesn’t fill me with confidence regarding the academic side entirely, and make me worry they’ll be too woke; or very strict, elitist, rigid, offering Latin etc but not very caring at all.

I suppose we’d ideally like something in the middle, if that exists at all? I believe in good discipline and hard work but not harsh punishments for a laughing or slightly unkempt child, would like strong arts and social sciences rather than a big focus on STEM (because of my daughter’s natural interests), some pastoral care from engaged staff in small classes who care, but minus all the talk about “the system” oppressing you and decolonisation and so on.
Does such a school exist in NYC?

My child is bright and curious, excellent in writing and reading etc, struggling a bit in maths but mostly owed to Covid, quite sensitive, very hard working but on occasion discouraged or buckling under stress - eg when she feels unprepared for a test or when the classroom becomes very loud and rowdy, or when bullying occurs.

Any advice from parents who have experience of any NYC private schools would be greatly appreciated!

FWIW, I’m currently interested in Nightingale-Bamford and Dwight, followed by Dalton and Columbia prep, followed by British international, Calhoun
and Leman probably. Plus a few others.

Many thanks in advance, and apologies for the long post!

I think your DC would be going into middle school in the states, not secondary?

The only one I know anything about is Dalton, my cousin’s kids went there. I got the impression that they chose it for the creative & nurturing side of things. They have all gone on to good universities (but not Ivy League) and are lovely young adults.

"we’re not keen on an overly discipline-focused school where children learn in perpetual fear of the next bollocking."
I do not think this is a valid concern about any NYC private sschools. Latin is not a marker of strictness, just academic expectations!

The points I would worry about are:

1. the pressure to perform academically as well as in everything else - music, art, sport, community service, etc, etc, to be perfect in all ways, to get into Harvard, Princeton, Yale, etc. It can feel crushing, especially at the very top schools and because of what US colleges require.
2. "Wokery" - especially depending on your views on trans issues.
3. Getting in! It's incredibly competitive!!

Your school list is rather eclectic. You list NBS first, but not Spence, Chapin, or Brearley. You list Dalton, but not Trinity. Dalton and NBS always used to be in a totally different league from the others you mention (but similar to the ones I've added). In Brooklyn, there's St Anne's and Brooklyn Friends, but you could also commute in to some Manhattan schools.

My info is not totally up to date, but I hope helpful.

Many thanks for all this info! I didn’t mean to say Latin is an unwelcome marker of strictness - I enjoyed it for 7 years myself in school and would quite like for my daughter to at least have the chance to think about choosing it, too. I meant it appears as if the schools offering Latin are overall placing a premium on more rigid tradition and formality - I may well be wrong! Just a first impression from afar.

Very interesting re your point about wokery, can I ask what you mean by that? I’m a gender critical feminist and feel very strongly about not wanting my daughter, who is quite impressionable socially, to be brainwashed in this area, or generally led down an overly woke/socialist political path by her teachers.

You are right - our list is very eclectic at the moment, I should add we have only begun researching schools. I liked aspects of them all - some seem to have richer timestables and extracurricular offerings than others, whereas others seem to have huge parental fan bases praising the lovely atmosphere, or a focus on active debate in each lesson, and so on.
All the others you mention are on our long list - and we will most likely try to view them also. I didn’t love them at first sight and Brearly for instance seems to be too social justice and community service focused for my liking, similarly Spence and Chapin.

Thanks so much for your insights, so appreciated!

Calhoun is worlds apart from Nightingale Bamford. It’s totally woke with no classroom walls etc. I know kids at both but no personal experience.

Oh is it not called secondary school in the US? I suppose many middle school grades are part of one entire high/secondary school?

Haha, yes, that was my impression too! What do I know - at this point we need to consider all the good, if very different options I think.
I went to a school like Nightingale myself and loved it, but maybe these more modern schools are appealing too, I’m curious to find out more. In any case, I suspect it would be good to apply to some less competitive schools also as backup? Or is the competition similar at say Calhoun and NBS? How many schools do New York parents apply to? 10? 15?
Many thanks for your answer!

Oh that sounds great! Good to hear that people have found Dalton nurturing, given how elite it is, that’s helpful, thank you!

Indeed, "secondary school" does not exist. These private schools, where they are "all-through" (kindergarten to 12th grade), will have lower, middle, and upper school. The latter = "high school".

Yes, easily 10-15 schools if you're applying to the most competitive ones. I think she'll need to do ERB standardised tests, which you should research. Her score would then probably give an indication of where she stands a good chance.

As a GC feminist (me, too), you will need to probe schools carefully and may not like what you find at ANY NYC schools, except maybe Catholic ones - maybe Sacred Heart?

See some blogs below - not my usual news sources, but chimes with what I've heard:
https://www.yahoo.com/news/trans-students-test-identity-u-girls-schools-164505048.html

https://www2.cbn.com/news/us/trans-toddlers-gay-grandads-teen-abortions-stunning-reading-list-top-ny-private-schools

https://www.firstthings.com/web-exclusives/2022/12/the-sad-fate-of-girls-schools

Keep in mind, though, that they are assessing parents as well as the child, so tread carefully.

The two children I know at Calhoun are now in the High School section. They are both confident but not in an OTT way. The learning style suits them but they’re not really pushed. Aiming for good schools but not Ivy’s e.g. USC and U Mich though. Very liberal, lots to get involved in, extremely inclusive, rumours of a “furrie” who identified as a cat but not sure how true that actually was!! Both children and parents very happy. I think it’s relatively easy to get into if you can pay the fees.

NB is a lot more traditional but still feels quite progressive. Feels a bit more “old money”. Single sex education is quite rare in the USA. Obviously has a uniform whereas Calhoun doesn’t.

Don’t discount some of the public high schools though. Many many people send their children to them because they are so good. Obviously come with the disadvantage of being enormous schools, but with that comes huge advantages in terms of opportunities and extra curriculars.

You might benefit from hiring an "educational consultant" like this (note, not specifically recommending this one! I have no experience of them!)
https://abacusguide.com/

Very interesting! My daughter has been in two state primaries in London, one very poor, hence school change, current one as good as a central London school with 80% of kids on FSM can be. She’s struggling with the cultural aspects of the school - everyone is 10 and has a smart phone, nobody reads, etc.
Her learning style and personality would benefit primarily from smaller classes and more academically focused learning as well as, frankly, a more selective student body, clear rules and little chaos, hence our thinking to go private next year.

But I‘m not opposed to state in principle, though I have only heard horror stories of NYC state schools - which clearly won’t reflect the whole landscape ofc.
If you happen to know of any decent state schools, I’d be very keen to hear about them!

Thanks so much for sharing your insights.

To be fair, the schools I know a little about are in Long Island, Staten Island and Westchester as opposed to Manhattan. For example, The Wheatley in Old Westbury. Very affluent area (high property taxes!!!) All have parents who commute into the city.

I also know Staten Island Technical High School as a friend used to teach there. One of the top ranking high schools in the USA. Has a large Asian contingent (just over half the school) - think tiger mum territory.

Obviously worlds apart from the private offerings but the results aren’t to be sniffed at!! NY private schools tend to be very much in a bubble. Quite elite socially. Many kids also head to top end summer camps and mix with similar profiles there too.

There are selective state high schools eg Millennium in lower Manhattan. They will take kids from a wide areas as far as I know (eg friend lives in Upper West Side and her son went there).

There are hyper-competitive state ("public") high schools like Hunter, Bronx Science, and Brooklyn Tech, but you're looking for 7th grade. There are also some good middle schools, but hard to get a spot. The issue is that the top public schools in NYC have always had a reputation as a place where a fantastic education is available, but it's up to your child to go out and get it. So, amazing for some, but other children will slip through the cracks. May have changed now, but they are very big, so can feel very anonymous. The private schools are much smaller, tiny class sizes, and generally supportive, or at least good monitoring- that's what you're paying for!

Hello, we are in exactly the same position! Son currently in Year 6, moving to NYC for September 2025 (so Grade 7, I think). So far we have 8 schools on our list, because I think a lot will depend on if places are available — given it’s a non-traditional entry point. We are looking at Collegiate (may be long shot!), Columbia, Browning, Trevor, BIS-NY and a couple more I can’t remember! The BASIS school in Brooklyn is also supposed to be very good. We’re not keen on hothousing (having experienced that in some schools already) and would prefer a smaller more nurturing environment. We have a few top ones on there just to see where he lands.

(Also to add… we liked the sound of Dwight, but not too keen on IB given what we’ve heard about the workload.)

Limesqueezer I’m shocked by these articles! We’re in New York every year for several weeks and ofc it hasn’t been lost on me that DEI initiatives have captured many institutions and businesses, but I had no idea it was this bad! Paying $60k to receive emails only about “holding space” and “affinity circles”?? WTAF!

I have to say that I could not stomach if an all-girls school my child went to were promoting books about trans toddlers etc, this would mean the a school for girls doesn’t believe sex is real and being a girl or woman is just a costume. I think this rules out NBS and Brearley and Chapin then, Anne’s too! Where can one turn? Or could one try to enrol and then form a parental resistance group once in the building?

I think I will heed your advice and engage a consultant, many thanks for the tip!

Many thanks, that’s very useful info. My first impression is that the top state schools often have a STEM focus, whereas some private schools seem to tend to offer a very rich curriculum on the arts front.

I will do some more research.

Oh great! Are you relocating from London?
I actually, in my haste between meetings, mistyped yesterday, my daughter is currently in year 5 so will be moving to NYC for entry in year 7.

Columbia seems like a decent school for sure, friends of hours went to Horace Mann and Fieldston as boys but that was over 20 years ago. BASIS, both the Manhattan and Brooklyn branches, are on our current “long list”, they seem to be getting excellent academic results.

That’s where the tiger mums come into play. The kids are schlepped all over the city for the “best” dance, drama, music, art and sporting opportunities after school and at weekends. It’s kind of expected both in private and public schools that you have to have a wide extra curricular program both in school and out. Some kids I know have nannies who literally do all the running around.

It’s honestly a very different world.

Why would anyone trek across town for extracurricular activities if the private schools offer such extensive options for extracurriculars? Wouldn’t a child just stay in school for all these? Our biggest obstacle in daily life in London atm is that my daughter’s school has very limited extracurricular activities and hence we have to ferry her across town for choir and ballet sessions on top of very stressful working weeks. I’m very keen to limit this in future.

I’m also interested in Birch Wathen Lenox - which seems to have very interesting activities on offer and embrace a good balance of being academically rigorous but not overly elitist. If anyone has any info on this school I’d be very interested to hear it!

In the same way that parents in the U.K. do - to access a higher level of coaching and achievement (and bragging rights). If your child is a dancer then sure they could have dance lessons at school and, yes, the private schools will offer a plethora. But all the other dancers will also be having lessons outside school too. Ditto the lacrosse players, those on the tennis team and the child who has the lead in the school musical.

There’s things like the Juilliard MAP program for musicians at weekends. Junior programs at the Vanderbilt Tennis Club. Teen sketching classes at the Guggenheim. These resources are there, people like the name and prestige and want their children to access it. They have the money and means. This is the world you are entering into if you go to a place like NB.

Parents start preparing for college admissions way in advance. Their children are having impressive CVs curated for them. Competitive parenting is rife.

Of course, not every parent is like that, but there’s a reason the parents get interviewed as well as the children. There are many, many, lovely down to earth parents who are totally normal. But it’s like London 11+ prep. Everyone does it. They spend a fortune on it. Lots of bright children arguably don’t need it, but parents still do it because 1) everyone else is and 2) they don’t want their child at a disadvantage.

It’s probably a long way off but just Google US Ivy League admissions extra curricular.

All schools, including public high schools, usually have a huge array of extracurriculars. Academic clubs (robotics, coding, MUN etc) are well catered for. There will be drama clubs, choirs and sports teams galore. Your daughter will be spoilt for choice and there is no real need to go elsewhere. Just be aware that at those top private schools people do.

If you’re not used to the American way of life it can come as a huge culture shock.

Tbh in your position I'd try for the selective public schools.