Help needed so I can help my year 10 son

[2023ideas]

I need your advice please.

I have a year 10 son, who is doing averagely in most of his subjects. He’s not particularly academic, but his target grades are 5-6 in almost all subjects. His school seems to have many behaviour issues, so a lot of classes are disruptive, and he seems to have a lot of cover teachers. I feel I need to help him outside of school.

We are a family that values education (both me and dh have degrees and good jobs, and dh has continued studying - for various work exams - pretty much ds’s whole life. He knows our jobs - and therefore standard of living - is down to us working hard and getting good jobs). However, he doesn’t seem interested in achieving anything for himself. At February half-term, I sat down with him and we looked at the exam boards for all the exams he’s taking and noted what was required. We made a timetable and he promised to do 1 hour every night to solidify what he knows. I have bought the recommended text book for each subject. (His school doesn’t set much homework, if any, so I thought 1 hour a night is not unachievable).

However, we are now at Easter holidays and he has hardly done anything. Just argued with me. This holiday I signed him up to some online revision, which he has done without too much argument. It seems he needs structured lessons to learn, rather than being able to just go through books himself. Obviously to get online teachers is extremely expensive. The next level is pre-recorded online teaching. Then there are the free resources on You Tube, but I am worried they require too much effort for my ds to work through
as they aren’t as structured.

I am aware that I am running out of time and just need to find a solution. Please can someone help me work out the best way forward? Any recommendations very gratefully received!

Stop pushing so hard as it will have the opposite effect to the one you desire . What does he want to do / be ultimately as you are more likely to inspire him that way . Nagging does not make children revise .

There is no best way forward if your DS is not motivated or willing to put the effort in, unfortunately. I know this is not what you want to hear.

However an honest conversation about what he plans to do post GCSE may be the carrot he needs to achieve his grades. It's hard. 14/15 yrs old is an annoying age when they think they know everything and yet have no idea how their work now impacts their future. If he, for example, wants to do A levels at his school what is the grade criteria to achieve that? Ditto sixth form college? Or is he looking for an apprenticeship and qualifications that lead to a practical career? If so, he needs to work out, with your help, what he needs to do now to achieve his next step.

But in all honesty, you can sit him in front of a book but you cannot make him work.

In year 10 it is worth sitting down and having a conversation with him about future plans.

Any course after GCSEs will want him to have maths and English gcse otherwise he will need to resit, so it is worth focusing your efforts on these.

Beyond that, you need to find out what he wants to do or doesn't want to do. So if he hates languages, and definitely won't be studying them further no point doing additional study there.

There is a lot of demand now for outside school tuition and you may find that group online or in person maths and English classes are helpful for him. They are significantly cheaper than 1:1 tuition.

Do you have time to actually sit with him? I have bought the appropriate study guides and question books and signed up for Cognito (science and maths). I sit with DS for a short time every day and structure what he does much like a lesson, including giving him retrieval questions etc. He seems to cope with that as we are 'in it together'. If I sent him away to do it on his own, at this stage, he wouldn't do much and would be resentful.

For maths you could also consider working with him.

So for example he could do the Corbett maths 5 a day and any question he can't do he can use the videos to work out (or you can help him).

It means he is revising all the topics and finding the holes.

There are similar for other subjects.

corbettmaths.com/5-a-day/gcse/

Would online things like Seneca help?

What does he want to do post GCSEs? I'd definitely look at T-Levels/BTECs alongside A levels at this stage.

Doing 'extra' in y10 may seem a long way from GCSEs to him. Better might be to prep well for any tests with proper revision cards / mind maps so by end y10 /start y11 he has good revision material for all the y10 work, that would put him ahead of most.

If you push him too much in year 10 he will switch off. Make sure he is doing his school work to the best of his ability and all homework.

@2023ideas is he actually year 10 - so not taking his exams for another year? Or is he year 11 and starts exams in a month?

If the former, there is still a good deal of time to make a difference. I agree with PP, it's difficult to persuade a student to work at things they are not interested in. Yes, focus on his maths and English - how is he going to do, realistically? Those are crucial ones to pass.

After that, I agree with the suggestion to talk to him about what he might want to do - don't make it open as that is scary. Find out about some college courses and chat them through - would they be of interest? Or apprenticeships - look at what is on offer and what grades they need (obvs not for him now, but for the future as possible avenues). Or even fidn some josb he might like and see what they require.

He might be a it more motivated if he can see where it might lead.

I feel I need to help him outside of school.
Most need this even in great schools. They need to be focused at home to achieve the best scores they can.

If he needs the structure, would set times help? So plan his day like a timetable, activities in blocks of time. Have study sessions, lunch, activities he enjoys, activities that are good for him. And move them around accordingly.

Run / bike ride / gym / sport club / walk dog.
breakfast / Shower / dressed for the day.
40 minutes study (x3)
See friends.
40 minute reading.
Movie.

I would have a sit down talk with him about the scary future. The best thing you can do is go into this prepared so you already know the answers to the questions you are asking. Look at the sixth forms locally, what grades are they asking for entry? What grades are they asking for particular subjects? For mine entry was 5 x grade 4 but for some subjects like science they needed a minimum of a 6 to carry on. What are local further education colleges offering? BTECs? Vocational courses? Sit with him whilst he looks these up.

If he can see what he might need to open more doors then it might motivate him a bit. He probably knows how much his phone costs or something he loves like gaming console, whatever. How will he afford to pay for those things in future? For mid teens a minimum wage job sounds like a hell of a lot of money, but that is when they are living at home with no rent, no bills to pay. Maybe look at rooms to rent in a shared house locally to see what he would be paying when he wants independence and to move out of home. What are local rents/house prices if he wants the whole place to himself? They actually did this in my children's school, gave them imaginary jobs and got them to find houses they could afford to rent within few miles of school's postcode. Lots of no way am I living in that conversations went on.

I did this with my children from very early on. They understand that GCSEs are a game, learn how to play the game to get the most points (mark schemes) get higher grades. The higher the grades the more doors open to them in terms of the next step which for them was A levels, then it was universities. I would be showing him all the variety of jobs there are and university courses, just pull up stuff locally to you. Let him think beyond GCSEs which they will have had rammed down their throats since year 9.

I would also be telling him that year 10 summer is the time to go back over his year 10 exams and find out how to improve those marks and still have plenty of time for fun stuff too.

I’m a ex secondary teacher so I have some advice from that point of view rather than that of a parent.

Are you sitting and working with him? If yes, that’s great but 1 hour 1:1 is a long time you need to cut back to 45 mins max or 30 mins if he just isn’t into to. He is unlikely to just do it himself so he will need active input from you or his other parent. A good activity is for him to create a quiz while you learn the info and he can test you and then you can ask him some questions afterwards. Teenagers are a bit like toddlers and need lot of praise without being patronising.

The text books are often wordy and off putting. I would try the CGP revision guides instead.

One of the biggest issues at this age is working out how to revise and trying out a few things to see what works for him. Then he needs both subject knowledge and an understanding of how to answer the questions.

Meant to also add, assuming he is in year 10, yes it is a great idea to write up and revise any topics done now. DD says she wishes she had done that with her year 10 geography case studies (just as an example). Same would apply as @TeenDivided says, to Eng lit book or books already covered - mind map, flash cards, spider diagram, whatever works.

Get in touch with the school complaining about homework not being set, sssuming they have a policy to set it. Ask for things like Seneca learning if individual teachers aren't setting work. Bribery, see if you can convince him to study over a Costa treat twice a week.

Thanks all. Really good advice. I appreciate you all replying. I agree that he needs to consolidate what he’s learnt so far - that’s what I’m trying to get him to do, and I nag as he doesn’t do anything at all (including homework) if I don’t go on at him.

I think that part of the problem is that he has no idea what he wants to do when he leaves. I always kind of assumed he would do A levels, but he doesn’t even know which subjects he would do, so that doesn’t bode well.

@Stringing i have been the same with him growing up and knowing the value of things. He is aware how much it is to rent locally and knows he won’t be able to afford it on a badly paid job. We have sat and looked at job adverts - and pay scales - and discussed. We have got the prospectuses for local colleges and been to careers fairs but he has no idea what he wants to do, or even an area to work in. He speaks to someone and is then dead set on doing that until he speaks to the next person and does a complete change. I think he always expected to do what his dad does, but it’s a niche job and he would need to be excelling at school to do it. It’s getting increasingly clear he won’t do it, so it’s kind of left a void.

@Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop thanks for the advice. They are CGP revision guides he has. I do try and sit with him but don’t have much time to structure things. He has dyspraxia so organisation isn’t his strong point and it would take him ages to write a quiz for me!

@clary good tips. I’ll show him this thread. Tips from other students should motivate him (although his friends are all hard workers / high achievers) and he knows how hard they work.

@WonderingWanda thats a brilliant idea actually. I am acutely aware that I don’t want him to shut down and not do any work, but don’t want him to slack up. Well, if he starts …

Mix it up as well.
Cornell notes topics of the text book at this stage. Flash cards from those notes come later.
Seneca.
BBC bitesize.
GCSE pod is a good one too.
year 11 can then be about make notes more concise and ppqs.

The other thing to consider is environment. My childhood home wasn't at at chaotic, we had desks and our own rooms, but I still couldnt focus at home. Me and my friends would go to the reference library in the town centre and work there for hours in the holidays and at weekends. But that was the 90’s and well before computers.

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled i think that’s part of the problem. I used to study - I was worried about doing badly. My son doesn’t seem to care. I was a history and English loving girl. My son hates those and is better at the sciences (if he puts in the work!) He reluctantly does things - like the revision lessons this Easter - if I find them, sign him up, make sure he’s up and got everything he needs.

I think I’m just a bit disappointed that he’s so different to me!

To be clear, I am not expecting him to get grade 9s. 6s would be good - I just don’t want him to miss out on future opportunities because he’s done badly. (I have told him this and used jobs as examples). Maybe his mock exams will focus his attention?

That’s fine. Looking for the info a writing a quiz is good learning. Even if it takes him 25 mins to write 5 questions for you that’s one revision session covered. You need to remember he is only 14/15 yrs old and it will take him much longer to do things than you. You need to meet him at the level he is working at.

@Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop thanks. I do need to remind myself that. And yes, it is a good idea. Definitely one to throw into the mix. I can see he might quite enjoy it in the right mood. Thanks again.

You need to meet him at the level he is working at.

This is a very good point (for all of us!) @Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop so thank you from me too - I suspect I am guilty of not always doing this.

@2023ideas you say you are disappointed that he is so different from you - please don't be. He is the person he is and is working towards the person he will become. None of our children is in any way a replica of us nor should we want them to be. He will find his path - and it will be different from yours. Which is a good thing.

I actually think it sounds as tho it might be a good idea for him to do something different from what his dad does, if he has blithely assumed he would do that. But of course the possibilities are suddenly huge - no wonder he is unsure. That's fine. My two DC that did A levels both had very different things in mind in year 10 from what they ended up studying. And who knows where that will take them?

@clary you are absolutely right, and I didn’t mean disappointed in such a negative way. Poor choice of words from me, I’m sorry.

I love the possibilities he has in front of him - he has loads of excellent qualities and I am sure (hope!) that he will do OK in life. I think what I meant was that if he was more like me, I’d be able to tap into how to motivate him more. And I feel the pressure that he is so led by me, as he won’t do anything himself. So I am worried that I will end up choosing an apprenticeship for him and it all go horribly wrong! I think I was hoping for a levels as it gives him a few more years to decide what he wants to do.

If he’s strongest in sciences then he probably needs a grade 7 in maths and sciences or A-levels. Maybe focus on these as he might be more willing and naturally motivated in these subjects.

Grade 5/6 students are advised to go onto BTEC courses. Level 3 BTECs are accepted for uni entry but they might limit where he can study which might motivate him.

Does your school offer apps like Tassomai and Seneca ? My kids weren’t fans but many others like them. They liked some YouTube teachers like FreeScienceLessons

Most schools do a mock exam at the end of year 10. Sometimes sitting an actual gcse exam focuses the mind- especially when kids think they their targets and working at grades don’t match their own personal perception of their academic performance.

I don't think pushing will help, probably the opposite. It often takes a good shock from mocks with lads. It may also actually be a self esteem thing rather than anything else.
If you can afford it, a private tutor for some subjects - I used to cover both science and maths, can be helpful. They're a non-parent, can, if they're any good, tease out where difficulty lies, and can gently instil better habits.