Help needed so I can help my year 10 son

[2023ideas]

I need your advice please.

I have a year 10 son, who is doing averagely in most of his subjects. He’s not particularly academic, but his target grades are 5-6 in almost all subjects. His school seems to have many behaviour issues, so a lot of classes are disruptive, and he seems to have a lot of cover teachers. I feel I need to help him outside of school.

We are a family that values education (both me and dh have degrees and good jobs, and dh has continued studying - for various work exams - pretty much ds’s whole life. He knows our jobs - and therefore standard of living - is down to us working hard and getting good jobs). However, he doesn’t seem interested in achieving anything for himself. At February half-term, I sat down with him and we looked at the exam boards for all the exams he’s taking and noted what was required. We made a timetable and he promised to do 1 hour every night to solidify what he knows. I have bought the recommended text book for each subject. (His school doesn’t set much homework, if any, so I thought 1 hour a night is not unachievable).

However, we are now at Easter holidays and he has hardly done anything. Just argued with me. This holiday I signed him up to some online revision, which he has done without too much argument. It seems he needs structured lessons to learn, rather than being able to just go through books himself. Obviously to get online teachers is extremely expensive. The next level is pre-recorded online teaching. Then there are the free resources on You Tube, but I am worried they require too much effort for my ds to work through
as they aren’t as structured.

I am aware that I am running out of time and just need to find a solution. Please can someone help me work out the best way forward? Any recommendations very gratefully received!

If he likes sciences, could he be interested in a healthcare sort of career? Not necessarily a doctor but an allied health professional e.g. physio, paramedic, radiographer type thing?

There are multiple routes to these, not necessarily via A-levels, but you would need to look at sixth form options locally. Many colleges will have open events or taster events of some kind in the summer term, so I would investigate these- it might be good to go along to a college open day together if you haven't already.

He could then look around all the courses on offer, and see if there is anything that interests him.

If he's not focused on a specific job, then I wouldn't go for an apprenticeship, they're generally very narrow, but I would look at vocational qualifications as well as A-levels. It's currently possible to mix and match A-levels alongside qualifications such as btecs etc (although this is changing over the next few years). If he's not very focused on exams, do you think doing something more coursework based might help?

If he doesn't know what he wants to do, it would be a good idea to pick an option that would keep a lot of doors open for him.

I agree that if he is not able to motivate self-study, then A levels may not be ideal. I know that BTECs are changing, but our local college offers a host of non-A-level quals at all levels (you can work your way up, depending where you start) that can be pretty broad - it's not all hospitality - there is business, media, computing, office-related courses, healthcare-related.

I feel that you are being too keen on him. Specially, at this age I remember I am my brother used to be very difficult when it comes to studying until 10th grade or something and by that time we started to push things around and we actually managed to get really good grades and now both of us are medical graduates, so I believe you should either Take it easy on him or if you want to implement something just give an interesting view on science, math, etc.. I also recommend that you could join some groups for him to socialize with other kids regarding science topics as well as they're trying to find YouTube programs that would be helpful in his situation, and make studying more interesting and fruitful. I also recommend that you could give him goals to be more motivated to study like for example, buying him a new gadget or new toy even though I know he's too old for toys but you know just try to find something that he find interesting, and give it as a motivational gift when he gets things done.

For DD1 who is a disorganised dyspraxic I ended up doing most revision 1-1 with her, and doing her revision cards for her too. She was willing to revise but seemed to achieve nothing if she revised on her own, 1-1 she did well.
We didn't do extra in y10 though, just did prep for tests properly (though it was in the days of CAs too, so I helped her prep for them as well.)

Thanks again for all your views. @Remo22 im trying for it to be a positive - I don’t want him to be in a panic this time next year. It’s the benefit of hindsight and being old.

@TeenDivided interesting to hear your daughter had similar struggles. I don’t know how much is to do with dyspraxia, how much is to do with being “a teen boy” (as some teachers have told me) and how much generally a teen. I think I will try and make time to sit and just go through bits with him, like you .

Thanks so much everyone.

Dc with dyspraxia here and i think it makes a huge difference... although it was not easy... We used the pommodoro technique so short focused sessions on a revision topic... And broke it up... So history am physics pm chemistry am English pm...

More sessions on English and maths as its much easier to do anything else if u have those .... Then next subjects possible for a levels .... It was a lot of sitting beside even with that.. mine worked better with revision books as could physically tick things off.... And see progress...

Breaks for fresh air and change of scene too...

His school sounds rather chaotic, I'm not surprised he's checked out!

I would spend some of the time, at weekends but particularly over the summer holidays, trying to actually engage him in the learning rather than doing dry revision: practical applications for the maths and science: get the ruler and protractor out on the dinner quiche and make sure everyone gets exactly equal portions (especially if you have an odd number of people at dinner). Get some PH test strips and use them on some stuff (can get them online or in garden centres to test soil for next to nothing). Watch documentaries related to any history or geography topics or visit examples of the places that will stick in mind so when he's sat in the exam, he might not be able to remember much about the text book case example of Mount Etna, but he might remember the documentary on White Island he watched with you. He might not be able to remember anything about regentrification in some random place in a different part of the country, but he might be able to remember what is happening in his hometown. He'll still get the marks!

Watch a good film adaption or going to see the theatre play of his English set texts so can get an overall understanding of the story, and how it works on stage. Have the text and a book of sticky notes and can make comments about certain scenes and stick them on the pages to talk about later, or if a movie, watch it a second time and have a tea break after each act and discuss (maybe with a cliff notes book as well as your own notes and thoughts).

I actually read my A Level English Lit set texts onto a tape when I was at school, so that I could lie in bed and listen to it whilst I was falling asleep, and didn't have to keep actually reading it over and over again to remember quotes. He's probably not up for that, but you may be able to get some of the texts on audible to listen to.

We replaced trivial pursuit questions with subject area revision cards (subject for each colour) so we could play a family game.

Basically, try and take some time to make the learning real for him and show that it matters and is interesting. If he has lots of cover teaching things may not being taught in a terribly joined-up and logical, let alone engaging, way, and if there's poor behaviour there may not be much teaching going on in lessons at all, and any there is probably feels dull, pointless and confusing because the focus is on crowd control rather than enrichment.

@averythinline thanks. So what were you doing in year 10? Just going over what they have learnt in school that week? He has done an Easter GCSE revision booster, but only the first paper of each, which is what he has done so far.

@Catopia excellent suggestion, thanks. I’ll definitely find some real-life things for him like documentaries and quiche-cutting! We have already been to some plays of his set texts, which he has enjoyed but I think his brain is so disjointed he struggles to analyse it in a way that will be useful for his exams. I think he needs to learn how to answer questions properly, rather than relying on his own style if you know what I mean?

Maybe that is my worry for him. That his dyspraxia is more of a hindrance than I’d anticipated.

Hi OP, coming at this as a teacher of over 20 years and a parent of a now 20 year old.

Please stop with the 'this is all you will be able to afford if you don't study' stuff - you are unintentionally putting him down and I imagine he feels like he is failing you - easier to switch off and be that disappointment rather than try and still disappoint your parents. You may not feel like you are but you will be - exh was like this with DS and I have seen countless kids think their parents don't believe in them and just stop trying.

Most 'normal kids' go through this in Year 10. (Not munsnet kids who are usually super bright, super musical and super sporty and revise 10 hours a day in between an array of hobbies).

At the moment (IMHO) lots of kids don't see the point as the future looks pretty bleak for the average kid.

Try not to push or press it too much at the moment. He sounds like a bright kid, he will get it. Quite often the poor results in June/July mocks are a springboard.

For now watch the movies of the books and plays he has studied. BBC bite size has podcasts of subjects (or GCSE POD) the kids seem to like these small bite size bits of information.

My DS went through this, but by Year 11 he was revising (he was the Covid GCSE year though, that had no exams). He worked hard through his A Levels - I never pushed or nagged. He was too stubborn and it would have had the opposite effect.

Forgot to add DS is dyspraxic

Year10 sorry missed that.. that timetable stuff was yr 11...o be frank in yr 10 not loads...any homework set.... His school was very much of the mind that holidays were for rest and fresh air and experiences...
So cultural capital stuff museums/plays/films... Think we went to a play of the English lit text.. something historical.. and started looking at some of the online apps in short bursts
We also had covid in the mix so slightly different experience..

@Pieceofpurplesky thanks so much
for giving my head a wobble. I try and strike a balance but am probably panicking too much. I will step back and support rather than nag. and @averythinline, we do see plays and do quite a few cultural things - not necessarily school related - and he enjoys these. I think I’ll have to learn to encourage him to do a bit of work, rather than nag.

Thanks everyone for your views. It’s been really helpful talking it through. I think I worry as he’s not a natural study-er and struggles (so won’t ever be able to just cram). But he’s a good lad and very kind.

I’m totally unqualified to comment here (DC are primary age) but I’d also focus on the stuff he likes. It really doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know yet what he wants to do when he’s older. You’ll do best in any higher education setting if you’re focusing on subjects you enjoy, whether they be A levels, T levels or anything else. If he does settle on what he wants to do, and he’s done the wrong subjects, you can cross that bridge then. If there is something he does really want to do, he’ll be motivated by that.

I’d also say anecdotally that my old school - despite being very academic - was useless at teaching any of us how to revise and unaware that everyone revises best in different ways. This was years ago but I’m not sure things have improved. At the right time, I’d suggest you and he go through the options and try and find what works for him. He will be totally turned off revision if the only methods suggested so far are the ones that don’t work for him.

Finally, it sounds early to be revising so to consolidate what he’s learned this year, can you do something more low key? For basic maths stuff, get things secure through every day life stuff (help with bills or whatever), using half-hour slots for the more complex stuff like equations or whatever is in the more difficult bucket, possibly also focusing on the particular aspect of that topic that causes problems. The appeal of that is the focus on very discrete areas of the problem which are more bite-size so more palatable. You’re not trying to solve all your issues with that area in one go, but just one little bit of one issue.

Thank you for this thread OP, you could have been writing about my year 10 ds! He’s also feeling disengaged from school at the moment, and could be capable of much higher grades than he’s getting. Some really useful advice on here.

I tend to avoid a lot of the threads about how teens are doing at school, as so many posters seem to have high achieving kids who are super motivated, which makes me more anxious! So this thread is a relief.

My ds is now in year 11. Last year he wouldn't have had the maturity to motivate himself or to understand the urgency.

This year he got himself in a state over an NEA which he finished just in time and now understands why revision ahead of time & starting early is so important.

I suggest you ask which 3 subjects are his favourites, and find a tutor who will do project work for those. My ds is a science/maths bod so having someone who would work with him on those specific subjects helped a lot, was willingly accepted and made ds feel better about going on to A'levels.

It may be worth trying to get him doing some work adjacent activities so he gets an idea of what he likes and doesn't like.

So maybe encouraging him to try for some Saturday jobs so he can see what working is like.

I agree that if he is finding school tricky then going on with the "you need to work hard to afford a nice life" can backfire and students can think I just can't do it and I'm a failure and try even less.

There's also army etc cadets, or St John cadets for first aid type activities.

Also I have been careful to show my ds that a degree is not essential. Ds will probably be some sort of engineer, likes maths, physics and dt.

He was worrying (far too early) about potential income, so when I had the roof replaced, I asked the slaters to show him what they did. He loved the order and the symmetry of it. The hands on skill. Then I explained that a skilled slater makes £80k a year. We went to a country fair and he had a try at thatching (four sessions, he kept going back). A master thatcher where we live makes £120k a year.'
I think he will still be some sort of an engineer but it showed him that the world doesn't end if he cocks up his a levels. He cheered up visibly. It took the pressure off.

Yes I agree with one of the PPs about sitting with him for the hour a day for example while he does the work you've planned.

I was focused and motivated at school and my parents were focused on university etc.

But even with us all in agreement about it, they still supported me at home with every single subject. My dad tutored me on physics and maths and I went weekly to a tutor for each of my other subjects.

Then around gcse and a levels my dad took annual leave for a few weeks and sat with me while I studied.

Looking back I can't believe how much they supported us. I have 3 siblings too and they did the same for them.

It's good because I was just getting support- with no need for any carrot or stick.

We never particularly talked about what I was aiming for or what I wanted to do with my life. It was more head down and get through my exams to the best of my ability.

So I wouldn't get too distracted researching careers etc to help your son have a goal to self motivate himself. But just focus on what you both can do to do as best as he can right now.

Thanks all, some more great insights.

@greenshoots123 I think the problem is, I don’t have a science / maths brain and struggle to do the work with him, apart from English (which he struggles with as his dyspraxia brain doesn’t allow coherent writing. It’s a work in progress). If he’d taken History I’d have been fine but Sciences are a struggle. He has a maths tutor and isn’t a natural at that either. It all seems such a slog and I feel I am failing him a bit. Dh works away a lot, and is currently studying too, so doesn’t have time to sit with him.

@MissyB1 I'm glad it was useful to you too, and I am not alone. I know that most children are in the middle (neither straight 9’s or fails), but online they seem to be the minority. I realised that only my friends with children on course for 9s seem to talk about their children’s grades after Parents Evening. I am always telling my ds I don’t expect grade 9s, but I just don't want him to miss out on future opportunities.

I don't think you need to know the work yourself, you just need to be with him to structure his time, help him locate the right resources, support him to do the questions in study guides and check the answer scheme with him etc.

For example, my DS has just done some RS revision. I know absolutely zero about this. I sat next to him (on MN) while he made some notes from his lesson materials. I then asked him to write 5 questions for me to ask him about the notes he wrote. I asked him the questions and checked what he said from the notes he had written. I didn't know the content, but I did structure the session.

It might be that it's not the right tutor for him then.

Can you find someone who's more experienced with SEN who can help him more with the organisation, structure, and the more basic skills of putting writing together etc?

I don't think at this point it's going to be any one subject rather than study skills overall

@Harrysmummy246 yes, organisation and study skills are something he does need help with. I know he struggles with mind maps - both making them and remembering the information. They just don’t seem to help him. His English teacher did say that not everyone finds them useful.

I think maybe trying to find a more experience with SEN tutor might be useful. Thanks.

I didn't understand mind maps til late 30s if I'm honest. I didn't get revision at school because I just naturally retained information. University was somewhat of a shock.
It was only starting to teach, TA and tutor that made me start looking at how students really learnt. They'd spend hours colouring to make a revision poster, with no meaningful info and definitely not retaining anything more etc but then have a real problem with exams.
It's also often helpful to work with a non-parent as it's somehow easier for a teenager to be open about their feelings and struggles.

Good luck with Your DS @2023ideas

That is excellent advice. I have to admit I haven't always followed it, though.