Poor attendance, how to help DP see this is not ok?

[DreamyCritic]

DP received DSDs report last week, she is in Y10. Subject wise all good mostly passes and ATL is 2 across the board however attendance is 89%.
DSD is a bright girl and polite/good student but will avoid school wherever possible.

We are looking to take all our DC abroad in December for a long weekend which will require a few days out of school. I have spoke to my sons (Y10 also) school and as his attendance is 98% the HT agrees he will authorise the absence as the trip is educational along with it being a family break.

I am concerned the given DSDs poor attendance they will refuse the absence & DP simply keeps repeating that 89% is not that bad.

I am struggling to get him to see that regardless of the trip 89% is poor and he needs to take it seriously. Anyone have any suggestions as its difficult ground for me given that he can become very defensive of DSD.

We wouldn't get an authorized absence for anything like this regardless of any attendance rate. And, tbh, how detrimental the time is away from school is entirely irrelevant to it being chalked up as authorized or not. So, presumably the issue is whether they will chase you for a fine for removing dsd - is that right?

If your dh and his ex are relaxed about their dsd's poor attendance rate, I doubt there will be anything you can do to alter that. This is one of those things that has to do with differing personalities and principles, you can't change that with a collection of words.

Honestly I wouldn't even try. Sounds like you have different views on this (and her mum too if she is in the picture?). Is this really a hill you want to die on? If they refuse the absence then DP will see that there are consequences to poor attendance (presumably he will have to pay a fine).

The guidance for headteachers is clear that family holidays are not a good reason for authorised absence.

You may have got lucky with your son's headteacher but very few heads will give authorised absence for a family holiday these days.

NAHT guidance:

thehub.naht.org.uk/management/guidance-on-authorised-term-time-pupil-absence/

Your DSD's attendance being at 89% is a separate issue. EBSA is very common these days and her parents should be working with school to try to improve it.

I'd let him ask the dsds school and then book with or without her. If he doesn't care about her education why should youm

Thank you Down no it's not a hill I want to die on but I do believe if between now & the trip her attendance can dramatically improve it may help not just for the trip but how she views the importance of school.

Mum is in the picture & has a similar view to DP that 89% is jot that bad.

If they're Yr 10 now, they're Yr 11 and GCSE year at Christmas. I'd wait another year tbh because they'll be doing practice papers and mocks by then.

If you're concerned about her attendance, why would you deliberately take her out of school for a long weekend in termtime? Surely that just reinforces the message to both of your kids that attendance is not that high a priority?

I don't particularly have an issue with taking a child out for a few days for something important, but I wouldn't even contemplate it if their attendance was already so low.

You can't take children out of school in GCSE year - that is really unfair.

And saying on the one hand her attendance is bad but wanting a few days off at Xmas is hypocritical in the extreme

Just have your holiday another time. No it's not ideal but parents should prioritise their children's exams. DSD will either have mocks or need to revise over Christmas not be away from school on a holiday

It's a bit contradictory to be saying how important it is to have a good level of school attendance while at the same time wanting to take your children out of school for a term-time holiday.

All points taken on board. I will sit with DP this evening & explain that I will book this trip but without DSD and himself if he chooses as you are right saying attendance is important then taking her out of school for 2 days is hypocritical.

The trip isn't a family jolly as such it's a very important trip to see my family more importantly my father for what is likely to be the last time. I couldn't afford to the trip during the school holidays so have tried to make it at a time when the 2 days away from school won't impact so negatively.

Thank you for taking the time to respond everyone.

If the trip is to see a dying family member then that is different, and clearly not a holiday.

That is the kind of thing that might get authorised as exceptional circumstances.

Yes, apologies OP

A trip to see elderly family at the end of life is different to a normal holiday. But it is probably still not the right time for DSD to be away from school.

What’s worrying is that he perceives 89% to be acceptable. It’s known that consistently low attendance has a negative impact on outcomes and she’s missing 11%.

From your perspective, a couple of days isn’t so tricky.

OP, you shouldn't be taking any of your children out of school - only 100% is OK. And how can you convince your partner if you then allow your own child to bunk off. School has to take priority.

I think that you need to find out when sd’s year 11 mocks are first.

This. Her two parents can be bothered, or not, about their child. Why seek out stuff to fret over?

Is she consistently missing the same lessons or day of the week or just random ones. 11% means she's missing a day every fortnight. That's untenable. She'll be missing vital work. Self sabotage. You need to speak to her and find out what the problem is.

89% isn't good, but rather depends how/why.
90% would mean missing on average half a day every week.

However if it has been acrued as 2 whole weeks off due to bad illness that is less of an issue than lots of random missed days.

Not sure why your DSD needs time off school to visit your father though?

'You need to speak to her and find out what the problem is.'

Nope. One of the child's two parents can. Or not, since they're not bothered.

My DD is Yr 11. She had mock exams after October half term and February half term. Taking her out of school for a long weekend at Christmas wouldn't have impacted these. Check when your sds schol are planning theirs.

This of course is separate issue to her overall attendance.

Christmas of Y11 is prime mock time. I'd check the scheduling carefully before removing at that time of year.

Also, 89% attendance is a little over a day a fortnight off. Does your partner think he'd keep his job with absences at that sort of rate?

Would your DSD want to go on a trip to see your dad?

Don't your DH and ex receive communication from school about how detrimental low attendance rate is.

What are her reasons for not going in?

What are her plans post-16?

As she's female, heavy and painful periods alone can result in 90%.
Without knowing the reason, it's impossible to say whether 89 % is unacceptable or not.

Is there anything else going on with DSD for her to be out of school? DS has attendance of 93%. He had one bout of illness which he was off over a week, couldn't be avoided. The remainder is down to hospital/Orthodontist appointments which can't be out of school hours. DD has 98%, I'm not a parent who is lax about attendance.

However, having a child in year 10, I can't see why you would take them out unnecessarily in an exam year around d the time of their mocks

If both parents think under 90% attendance is fine you're probably not going to have much sway OP.

Missing a day a fortnight adds up and is likely to affect her outcomes but if her parents aren't bothered then there's not much you can do.