Poor attendance, how to help DP see this is not ok?

[DreamyCritic]

DP received DSDs report last week, she is in Y10. Subject wise all good mostly passes and ATL is 2 across the board however attendance is 89%.
DSD is a bright girl and polite/good student but will avoid school wherever possible.

We are looking to take all our DC abroad in December for a long weekend which will require a few days out of school. I have spoke to my sons (Y10 also) school and as his attendance is 98% the HT agrees he will authorise the absence as the trip is educational along with it being a family break.

I am concerned the given DSDs poor attendance they will refuse the absence & DP simply keeps repeating that 89% is not that bad.

I am struggling to get him to see that regardless of the trip 89% is poor and he needs to take it seriously. Anyone have any suggestions as its difficult ground for me given that he can become very defensive of DSD.

But the vast majority of children aren't ill for 10% of the time. Of course, children with underlying health conditions/disabilities may be more vulnerable and they may need to be treated differently with reasonable adjustments being made/different thresholds for intervention etc. However, most kids should be able to take adequate time off when they're actually sick while still maintaining a reasonable rate of attendance.

Of course, there may be odd periods in which children come down with a series of illnesses which cause their attendance to temporarily dip to a lower level. Hopefully it won't stay like that for long, but if they are persistently ill to the extent that they need to be absent so frequently over an extended period, surely it's right that this should be flagged up so that some sort of medical investigation can be undertaken?

Mum is in the picture & has a similar view to DP that 89% is jot that bad.

🤷

your father has a terminal illness. You have bigger things to focus on.

do you not want to just visit your father with his grandson? would your father not prefer this?

how long have you and dp been together?

a long weekend with your terminally ill father is going to educational along with it being a family break.?

I don’t agree. 89% really isn’t poor or low.
It is missing at most 1 day in 10 (some schools mark more than 15mins late the same as absent)
Late before registers close (L) and arriving late after the registers have closed (U) are two different attendance codes because registers are legal documents and that's what is required of schools.

There's no set time for keeping the registers open, but it shouldn't be for most of the sessions:

Schools should have a policy on how long registers should be kept open; this should be for a reasonable length of time but not that registers are to be kept open for the whole session. A pupil arriving after the register has closed should be marked absent with code U, or with another absence code if that is more appropriate.

A child who is persistently absent or presently late past registers closing is likely to find this has a knock on effect on their education. Parent who choose to send their children to school, as opposed to home education, have a responsibility to get their children to school on time, which the vast majority of parents do.

a long weekend with your terminally ill father is going to educational along with it being a family break.?

Educational for DS as he doesn't know my father at all they have never met & have no relationship so he will be spending time with family members he does know, one of who works in the industry that DS is also wanting to purse and study for in the US.

I know this may seem like an odd family situation to most but it is the situation I am in.

OP

how long have you been with DP
how often is DSD with you?
how well do you get on with DSD

and why are you taking along boyfriend and his daughter to what is likely their last time you will see your father and your son is grandfather?

oh and final question… any problem with October half term?! it’s autumn after all

Educational for DS as he doesn't know my father at all they have never met & have no relationship so he will be spending time with family members he does know, one of who works in the industry that DS is also wanting to purse and study for in the US.

oh come off it op

it’s a long weekend or rather a “break” as you initially put it to visit your terminally ill father. You don’t need to sell it as educational to mumsnetters!

I don't have to sell anything to strangers on the Internet it serves no purpose to me.

I was trying to avoid bringing my father in to it as that's the reason I am going not the reason DS is going.
The reasons why make little difference in the end as DS has permission & I have spoken yo DP and highlighted some of the things said on this thread so I am only booking for the two of us.

Again thank you to all who commented.

nicely avoided answering

so i’ll guess you don’t get on well with DSD
tou have only been with DP a short while
and you don’t want to go in the Autumn half term term because prices rocket

I was trying to avoid bringing my father in to it as that's the reason I am going not the reason DS is going.

yes he’s going for “educational” reasons… to speak to family members in the industry he wants to join

So what does DP and DSD envisage doing for the long weekend whilst you’re with your ill father and DS being educated by family members?

nicely avoided answering

Not at all it's just a factual response.

so i’ll guess you don’t get on well with DSD
tou have only been with DP a short while
and you don’t want to go in theAutumn half term term because prices rocket

Make all the assumptions you like as clearly you will claim I am lying if I tell you the truth.
I have already said I cannot afford to go in the holidays I think my 1st or 2nd post so not the win hou think it is.

chances are the DP won’t even be in your life by autumn… so just smile and nod.

Although not a bloody chance that my last weekend with my father would i drag along the DP and DSD in this scenario

It is not great and both parents should be working towards improving her attendance. However neither should be missing teaching in year 11, mocks and revision sessions will be around that time. Tbh I'm surprised ds school is apparently so relaxed. Does dsd have to go if it is your family you need to see? How well does she know your father?

Sadly, this will be seen as you being hypocritical. I would argue that as this trip is to visit your sick father, DP and his DD don't actually need to go, so if its just you and your child, then you CAN afford to go in the school holidays.

As i thought

I’m amazed that your 15 or 16 year old child has never met his grandfather, and yet you want to take him to meet him now he’s dying. Seems odd. Also, if he’s meeting up with someone who’s in the field of work your DS is interested in, thats not educational, that could be facilitated with a couple of zoom calls.

DS is on 89% at the moment due to having a bug in the autumn term and then a really nasty chest infection that necessitated almost 2 weeks off in January (he's asthmatic too which complicated things). The same infection hospitalised his brother so not being a wimp at all. I can't get too worked up about it really, he's still achieving well and enjoying school. I certainly don't consider him a poor attender/persistently absent/whatever other BS they are spouting this week. I work in education and value it but the current obsession with attendance above all else is absurd.

I never said I did want DS to meet his grandfather.

There are good reasons why DS has not met him and won't but the trip does allow DS to spend time with family members who he does know & as I said spend time with one who works in the industry DS wants to pursue.

Wouldn't it just be cheaper for you to go and see your Dad, and DS connect with other family members over Zoom or whatever.

What happens if the terminal diagnosis period changes? My DF trundled along with cancer diagnosis and then deteriorated rapidly, much quicker than everyone thought he would. A friend's dad was given 6 months to 5 years, died within 6 weeks.

Why hasn't DS seen any other family members before (either face to face or video call) even if you don't want him to meet your dad

WTF?? It is parents like you that make the job impossible. What sort of a message is that giving the kids?! Ffs

Why hasn't DS seen any other family members before (either face to face or video call) even if you don't want him to meet your dad

Where did I say he hasn't?

I said in a previous post DS will spend time with family members he knows while we are there.

If my father passes away before the trip then there isn't much I can do about it.

What do you mean by a better school? Do you mean private schools?

My closest outstanding state school is obsessed with attendance. Awards for 100% attendance and phone calls home for less than 95%. Grammar schools similar. My DC school has been showing them graphics of how 99% attendance leads to one grade higher in GCSEs.
How do the better schools manage to keep the kids on top of learning if there are kids missing lessons almost every week?

I am not obsessed with attendance but I reckon more than a week off per term (without a good reason) if too much.

You're taking her out of school unnecessarily for a few days. If she doesn't view attendance as important, it's because you and her Dad are telling her that It isn't.