Highgate School Culture

[BlessedMumm]

Request guidance from parents with pupils in senior years at Highgate. My daughter has received an offer and we are very keen on the school. However, I am concerned by the recent sexual abuse allegations and bullying, especially the attitude towards whistleblowers. In your experience or discussion with your daughters, is the rich boys club culture deep rooted or have you seen a genuine change ? I am extremely keen on a co-ed and top ranking school but not at the expense of the wellbeing of kids.

I have no direct experience as my child is only in the pre-prep, and to some extent am place marking as curious about this myself, but have you read the report that was commissioned by the school after the revelations? I thought they did a pretty good job of putting an action plan in place.

Thanks for the reply. Do you mind sharing the link if handy?

Namechanged. I have two kids at the school (have both been there since nursery age at the pre-prep) and eldest is now in the sixth form. We've found it to be a brilliant school in every way - my children are very happy and the teaching has been incredible.

The allegations surrounding 'sexual abuse/bullying' isn't our experience of the school AT ALL. I don't mean to minimise anyone's traumatic experience whatsoever, but the majority of what was being claimed was with regards to teen boys behaviour at out of school parties (which is, to an extent, beyond the school's control). Equally, it is always important for young women to stand up and be heard - but as far as the 'everyone's invited' allegations were concerned, there were some overarching questions surrounding the validity of some of the claims. Despite that, the school took this all very seriously indeed and conducted a thorough investigation - @Heather37231 mentions the report.

Obviously, teenagers can have bad experiences anywhere and the last thing I want to do is minimise, however - in terms of my (and many families I know well) many years at the school, I just don't recognise it. Children are taught an enormous amount about sexual consent and respectful relationships from a young age, and from what I've seen with the teenagers I know at the school (including my own), this is reflected in their behaviour.

The one thing I would pinpoint in your question is the question of wealth. The school does its best to be grounded and it's definitely not just full of uber-rich families (though there are a lot of them) - there are many of kids on bursaries. However, it is an expensive school, and with the labour fees on VAT thing - it will continue to become even more expensive over time. I do think within several years, private schools like this will become the preserve of the super wealthy, and that will change the environment for the worse, unfortunately.

https://www.highgateschool.org.uk/news/independent-review-report-and-local-authority-safeguarding-review/

@BlessedMumm - We are indeed concerned about the effect of wealth on pupils' behaviour at Highgate. Probably nothing to do with the school, whose Head is very impressive and as @aztecbird says, the school tries with bursaries and sending the right message. Of course, any public school will have financially well-off parents, who can afford to pay such high fees. But Highgate has a very different feel in this respect compared to schools at the same level. For us, who don't live near the school in the Highgate village bubble, it makes it unattractive. But no doubt it is a great school and the right one for many families

We know siblings at the school (boy/girl with elder girl I believe now in 6th form too) and they also really like the school

@JoeDoe - from my experience, I think Highgate probably sits somewhere in the middle when it comes to the makeup of families. I think the more 'normal' families (though obviously very affluent in terms of the whole UK!) far outnumber the kids of oligarchs/bankers/celebrities, though there are a few of those. There are lots of kids on bursaries and the school is very careful to keep pupils aware of their privilege. Anecdotally, UCS and King Alfred's seem a lot 'flashier' when it comes to overall intake, as do some of the West London privates.

@aztecbird That is very good to know and reassuring. I did not know that this issue might be more pronounced at UCS. I very much agree with you about the risk that the culture of these great schools will be eroded if only the super-rich can afford the fees. There is not much that these schools can do if the economic climate forces things in this direction. The pace of fee increase the last 10 years has been extraordinary, not to mention the VAT possibility.

Can’t speak for Junior and Senior school but I can only think of about 5 families I know within pre prep who live in Highgate village itself.

To be fair there are quite a few from Hampstead Garden Suburb, which is pretty posh too. However I know of :
Finsbury Park
East Finchley
Crouch End
Kentish Town
Hackney
Barnet
Highbury

I’d imagine that kids at the higher up schools come from further as they can travel independently by tube and bus.

I haven’t personally felt that it was an exclusive Highgate school dominated by people who can afford homes in Highgate.

Out of interest @JoeDoe , what schools are you thinking of when you talk about schools “at the same level”?

@Heather37231 Hi Heather. I had in mind City boys and City girls where the culture felt to me more like Grammar rather than public schools. Just to say that I did not mean that most Highgate parents live in the area, just that if you live in this affluent area then it is a no-brainer to target a great school at your doorstep. But if you live further away, and have other offers, then priorities might change .

My son and daughter have recently left. Both in sixth form during the ‘everyone’s invited’ scandal. They were both utterly oblivious to the ongoings. They are very much not part of the ‘cool party’ sets which may have explained their experience. They said the issues (in the years above) were mainly confined to a group that had one or two very toxic boys and a couple of teachers were complicit.

I grilled my daughter a lot and she said nobody had ever made her feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

We are both public sector workers and at the ‘bottom’ of the wealth hierarchy. My kids tended to make friends from the less wealthy end of the spectrum. Like attracts like? We could not afford to live very near school but that was ok.

We are a pretty ordinary family and my kids have very fond memories of school
and still miss it now they are at university!

But the ‘oligarch’ element had started to creep in as we left. More so in the junior school apparently, according to friends with younger kids.

Thanks all for the feedback, helps me make an informed choice :)

NC for this.

We applied for Highgate pre prep, only because it was one of our closest schools. Our DD was offered a place and we turned it down. A big part of our decision related to the sexual assault issues which I had no confidence would be resolved by the time of her going to the senior school.

I know a lot of people were reassured by the report but I work in the field of sexual violence against women so I know a lot about this issue. That report was a total whitewash. Even the choice of the investigator/report writer was off - a very clever and respected woman yes, but one who didn’t actually work directly with victims of rape and sexual assault in her career. And in my view, that was telling in terms of the gaps in the report.

Other things that put me off - I felt the school talked a good talk about mental health support but my understanding of it (from someone involved there) is that they have an exceptionally high number of issues. It’s also notable that while claiming to care about individuals they have really harsh policies around siblings and whether children can proceed through the school at 7+ or 11+ which suggests that likely results are more important to them than welfare.

I also didn’t like the head - he’s an ex Eton master, and in my view, it shows. So little thought given to girls’ needs. People forget that before accepting girls, Highgate was a distinctly average boys’ school. They brought in girls, which improved their results and some behavioural issues (though increased others) with no consideration of girls’ specific needs. I still think it’s extraordinary that a few years ago they made all the loos unisex without consultation and only changed them back after a significant number of complaints.

We chose a different school for our DD, even though I did like the pre-prep and junior school of Highgate. It was because if she loved it and had lots of friends there, how could I make her change at 11? She wouldn’t have understood why even though on its current trajectory I see no change ahead in the problems arising.

But you don't have kids at Highgate and those who do are very happy with the school 🤷‍♀️

Of course they are - no one is going to continue sending their child to a school they are not happy with and where their child is affected by sexual assault. Though it’s notable a PP whose kids were happy there also mentioned that while the problem was confined to a few boys, a couple of the teachers were considered complicit. That would put me right off.

The OP is in a similar situation to the one I was in - i.e. a place offered, to a girl, but concerned about how the school is handling sexual assault, bullying and welfare issues. Given that those were precisely the reasons we declined the offer, I thought she might be interested to hear my views/reasoning.

Not sure why you care what I post, in any event. The OP is free to dismiss my post, as are you.

@Hatscarfgloves I see that you say you turned down a pre-prep place after the “Everyone’s Invited” allegations came to light, and after the report was produced. Can I ask, please, why you felt that there was no hope of the school managing to address the issues by the time your child reached Senior School, some 5 or 6 years in the future? i.e. can you elaborate a bit on the “current trajectory” that you mention?

I ask as the parent of a child currently in the pre-prep. My feeling was that we were lucky any issue had been identified when they were, as it gave the school plenty of time to address them before our child was of an age where such issues would be relevant, and also that our child would benefit from whatever steps were taken in Junior school to instill appropriate values and attitudes.

Hi @Heather37231 Only have a minute while at work and waiting for kettle to boil.

In short, the school’s choice of investigator (as I mentioned had never worked with SA victims directly) the terms of reference and the scope suggested to me that the school wanted to be seen to be doing something, without the will to really do something.

If I wasn’t a lawyer working specifically in this field, I may not have picked up on the problems with the investigation and report.

Those key decisions by the school fed into the paucity of the recommendations too. The whole thing felt like reputation management, not an attempt to really create change.

@Hatscarfgloves - you're free to post what you like, but as someone who has had children at the school for 14 years now, I think my experience and understanding of the school might be more relevant to the OP.

Like I said, I'd never EVER want to minimise any young woman's experience, and while you are an expert in your field, I do know the circumstances surrounding what provoked the controversy in the first place far better than you will. I also, as a parent at the school, have an indepth understanding of how the school addressed this, and the education the kids receive overall when it comes to consent, sexual choices, and respect.

I know many families at the school very well, I have Highgate teenagers of my own, and their friends in my house frequently - and like I said in my original post, issues surrounding sexual assault etc is simply not an environment any of us would remotely recognise.

Again, you can think and post what you like of course - however, it seems a bit misguided to comment on the school's 'current trajectory' if you have never been at the school!

I don’t have a crystal ball. Like everyone else, I can only work on what info is available and make my best guess as to what will happen. But given the senior leadership is unchanged and may remain, I didn’t trust that things will change. I may be - and indeed hope I am - wrong.

I have two children at Highgate School - two teenagers - and I don't recognise any of what @Hatscarfgloves says about how the school deal with stuff. I would echo what @aztecbird has said - the points she makes have been my experience of the school too and I've been a parent for many years

I didn’t suggest the OP dismiss your experience. I know people with children at the school too. I also know a couple of staff members. Don’t assume that not having a child there means knowing nothing of what goes on there.

There are good things about Highgate. But for me they don’t surpass the issue of sexual abuse and - this is key - how they are handled.

"Don’t assume that not having a child there means knowing nothing of what goes on there."
Sure, but also fair to say that parents with children at the school are likely to know more about what's going on in the school than someone who is not a parent

@jane077 - quite!

@Hatscarfgloves - again, I'd never want to minimise anyone's experience and their truth. However, I think to suggest a school has 'issues with sexual abuse' is quite damaging actually, particularly when you don't know the circumstances surrounding it.

There is obviously an enormous difference between behaviour and culture within a school, and what can be experienced at teenage parties. Of course, we all have a big responsibility to raise respectful young men - and that responsibility lies with parents as well as with schools - but it's not the same thing.

Equally, I'm a little questioning of your opinion of the investigator. She's an ex High Court Judge with decades of experience, who also happens to be the mother of four daughters. I can't really see her whitewashing anything - why would she?