Highgate School Culture

[BlessedMumm]

Request guidance from parents with pupils in senior years at Highgate. My daughter has received an offer and we are very keen on the school. However, I am concerned by the recent sexual abuse allegations and bullying, especially the attitude towards whistleblowers. In your experience or discussion with your daughters, is the rich boys club culture deep rooted or have you seen a genuine change ? I am extremely keen on a co-ed and top ranking school but not at the expense of the wellbeing of kids.

On a slight tangent, but perhaps relevant to OP’s concerns, one thing that I noticed was that when “Everyone’s Invited” first came to public attention, Highgate was one of the first schools to be named, thanks partly to some quite vocal pupil activism. However, as time went by, it became more and more clear that the sorts of issues being raised were more societal, around teen behaviour, social media, internet porn, parental lack of awareness, and in fact the same scenarios were playing out across many other independent schools, state schools, universities. In short, while I do believe that there is no smoke without fire, I feel like there is smoke pretty much everywhere that involves teens, possibly a bit more in environments heavy on rich, entitled teens. But I don’t think that Highgate is necessarily worse than any of its peer schools.

Something that might be indirectly relevant - I have a DC who is an outlier in one or two subjects. We went to the Highgate 11+ open day and asked the relevant departments how they would deal with it, i.e. with a child who is working beyond GCSE on entry to the school in Y7 (confirmed by independent assessments and current school). I was greeted with polite disbelief and told they would deal with it by pretending it wasn't happening. So we did not apply to Highgate, despite it ticking other boxes such as being co-ed.
With hindsight it did make me wonder : what other issues do the staff "deal with" by pretending they are not happening? That does seem pertinent.

@zippynotbungle - it may seem like I am here as a cheerleader for the school at this point😂and I'm not trying to be (see my first point about issues of wealth and VAT on fees changing the environment for the worse eventually). However, your here point seems a little silly in all honesty. How to best manage a child with immense aptitude and talent can't be compared to how to best handle allegations of inappropriate behaviour!

Also I think there's a massive difference between 'pretend it isn't happening' when it comes to a gifted child and 'let's provide them with a well-rounded, happy education' - which is probably what they are getting at. Even if a child truly is working way beyond the expected level for their age in certain subjects, that's not the entire purpose of school life, and it can be damaging if children are pushed too far before they are ready.

Believe me, the school has quite a number of kids who sound like yours - immensely gifted, and they are extended and stretched in their learning - but happily, not at the expense of their overall wellbeing.

May I just say, that the school is increasingly hard to get into now and there has been a large number of local families not being offered a place at 11+ and 7+ (despite getting offers from other top selective schools), so these families are getting quite toxic about the school as they now need to track daily to other schools which are located at a distance. Also many parents who grew up locally still remember Highate as a non-selective boys school for local white rich British boys. Some "old boys" didnt manage to get their offsprings in and so unhappy about it!
Also, some parents spread rumors about the school locally and on Mumsnet (surprise surprise!) at the time when offers are out and people making school choices (the less competition there is the faster the reserve list moves!). Highgate is no longer richman school for Highgate kids and its prep and Junior departments are very socially and ethnically diverse, they also run ballot at 4+ now so people from different areas (not just NW3/NW6 and N6 crowd) can get in.

One thing to note is when the girls in all-girls schools interact with the boys/attend mixed-gender parties/socialize outside the school, a lot of nasty things happen (believe me, the girls from single-sex senior schools can get very wild!) but it wont be in a remit of pastoral care of a given "all-girls" school to deal with those issues, so a lot of times things get buried under the carpet.

I’m not sure I could call the pre-prep “socially diverse”. Unless diversity means lawyers and doctors well as bankers?! 😀

There’s only so socially diverse you can be when you have to pay fees. Slightly different story when bursaries become available further up the school.

socially diverse as private schools can be (compared to what Highgate was before). they also offer some bursaries in junior school now. these are normal families, and professionals, sacrificing holidays/quality of housing/other extras to afford private school at prep/junior level (and subsequently avoid 7+/11+ and the cost of tutoring). Not everyone working in the bank and in legal is super rich....

I know all that, we in the pre-prep are pretty well informed about the Junior school, we don’t exist in a bubble. And I speak as a not-super-rich lawyer…but I still consider myself in the same social, intellectual and parenting philosophy bracket as a super-rich lawyer or banker, just different career choices.

It was just a lighthearted comment that it is somewhat clutching at straws to call a group comprising super rich family/celeb money/rich professionals/ less rich professionals “socially diverse”- it’s slightly asking to have the piss taken.

Agree with @Tiredmumofthreekids that the school is so sought-after now that people often do get quite chippy about it and like to spread negative rumours etc...

I would also slightly question 'socially diverse' though! Yes there are bursaries which helps, and yes I would say it is quite mixed compared to some other London privates. But socially diverse compared to Acland Burghley down the road? No 😂

When we talk about social diversity we compare this school with other private schools/state schools in wealthy areas and not with some other schools outside this bubble (i.,e., state schools on the deprived estates), I have three DCs in three different private schools I think this school is more "socially and ethnically diverse" than some other private schools I came across. Does this make sense?

It does, when you express it in relative terms like that. However your original statement was more absolute:

“Highgate is no longer richman school for Highgate kids and its prep and Junior departments are very socially and ethnically diverse”

As I said though- and hence the smiling face in my original comment- I was slightly ribbing you and trying to pre-empt the inevitable MN accusations of private school parents living in a privileged bubble.

Head teacher at Highgate firmly believes that gender is all and girls don't need single sex toilets. So it depends how important that is to you. I wouldn't send a girl there. In my experience the parent body is very wealthy, much more so than UCS.

I won't comment on the toilet issue as this may trigger a chain of negative comments, let me just say its a modern co-ed school and it has to at least publically accept and welcome gender neutrality for the sake of not being canceled. address this question to the head of South Hamstead and UCS and you will get the same answer., they all welcome gender neutrality now. Regarding the parent body, I'd disagree with you, there might be differences between year groups/Junior/Senior departments but the parent body of UCS and Highgate is very similar now. Previously UCS was known for being white and wealthy with associated " drug issues" (same as "old Highgate"). The trend is changing in UCS now too. it also reflects the demographic changes in North London, more and more foreigners/working professionals are moving into these areas and young white British families tend to settle outside London . Highgate is harder to get into for boys now though as many prefer co-ed for boys, a lot of parents who live in Highgate applied to Highate and got rejected but got into UCS and now have to battle a daily commute between NW3/NW6 and N6 (which is not pretty!) and they are very unhappy!

I don’t know why my assessment of the report bothers you so much. I don’t mind if you disagree.

I do find it mildly annoying that you think that someone being an ex High Court Judge means that they are automatically the right person to do the work. Presumably you know that judges have different legal backgrounds and experience? My point was that the school could have appointed a former judge who had direct experience of working with victims of rape and sexual assault. Or even an assistant to their appointee who had that background. Yet they didn’t and I find that telling. And that lack of experience was glaringly obvious to me when reading the report, given that it is my area of expertise. I would also assume that the terms of reference and scope were determined at least in part, by the school. They were also problematic in my view.

There Is no point in going round in circles. You have your view, I have mine. We are both trying to assist the OP and she can determine what to consider and what to disregard. A plurality of views is surely helpful?

I think you only get a real feel for School when you’ve been there for some time. Even then there are ups and downs. There are times when I have loved Highgate and at other times hated it. My friends with kids at many other schools have said the same, and they go to schools from Westminster to North London Collegiate to South Hampstead to Channing and UCS. I have heard it all. I find that the longer that pupils have been at a school, the more honest and less evangelical, parents are likely to be about their experience!

I have no regrets about sending my kids there. I think most kids generally suit the school they are sent to, although some may dislike it for a variety of reasons. I don’t have any particularly loyalty to Highgate and have no issue with others criticising it. My youngest has just left, and overall we have fond memories of the place. Even though I had no fond feelings towards the head!

@Oliviant - quite. Parents listing pros and cons based on extensive experience are more likely to give an objective account. Those who list only negatives or only positives, less so. This is because a school cannot do everything well, given that most objectives are in tension with one another. For instance, increasing bursaries to say, 20%, means a more socially diverse cohort but on the other hand less money for facilities, teaching resources, extra-curricular etc (the things one tends to expects by paying fees); similarly, a less pressurised environment means better mental health but on the other hand worse results. Many parents no doubt think that a school can provide everything: diversity, facilities, resources, results, great pastoral care, egalitarian ethos, connections etc, and of course schools oblige and talk the talk of doing all these things perfectly. But in reality, each school strikes a balance between these multiple objectives. What is crucial as a parent is to know what balance each school strikes and weather it is right for you and your child.

This is exactly right. I have a child at Highgate and one at a nearby state school. Highgate has had issues but no more than any other school- in fact, less than at my DD’s school but schools like that don’t make the papers 🤷‍♀️

We’ve been very happy with Highgate. I would say it’s no worse than anywhere else in terms of sexual behaviour or bullying and we’ve been impressed by the steps the school have taken.

This sort of behaviour is endemic in schools, state and private. It was great that Everyone’s Invited drew attention to it but I fear people have taken exactly the wrong message- that it’s an isolated problem in a handful of big name private schools. In fact it’s just as much of a problem in the state sector but the papers didn’t seem overly fussed about that and it received no coverage which frankly I felt was a scandal in itself- or do we only care about private school girls?

i totally agree and sadly the incidents also happen with the girls from single-sex schools when they socialise with the boys outside the school school hours and obviously these sort of things don't make headlines either as girls have nowhere to turn to and "the boys in question" is not all-girls schools responsibility.

"Many parents no doubt think that a school can provide everything: diversity, facilities, resources, results, great pastoral care, egalitarian ethos, connections etc, and of course schools oblige and talk the talk of doing all these things perfectly."

Apprently in mumsnet you can find such school, so many embassdors or cheerleaders. 😅

Head of Highgate has much stronger views on this than others.

I'd be extremely concerned regarding the comment that a couple of teachers were complicit comment.

Anyone know how the school have dealt with this, and is an issue amongst other staff? (I appreciate this wont represent the whole school staff but it should be concern of note).

What I think all this misses is the knowledge imbalance. Highgate has been through all this, very publicly, and of course you can pick holes in their response. But how much weight do you place on that when set against the fact that (as many people have pointed out) the same issues exist in other schools and you have far less idea what, if anything, is being done there.

I can understand someone choosing single sex to avoid some of this (although of course single sex schools have their own issues). I can’t understand choosing another mixed school on the basis that you haven’t heard anything about issues there- that seems like putting your head in the sand.

I'd say LGBTQ+ is welcome in all three schools my children attend. All three schools (rightly so) try to create a welcoming and inclusive environment for all and ensure such children are not bullied. In my personal view, Highgate is NOT encouraging any beliefs and it is not different from the other schools on this, they just want to create a happy and safe environment if a child happens to be different. It's a very large co-ed school so they need to adapt to a larger population sample.

Of course such issues exist in other schools, and in truth they always will in mixed schools. But what matters is how the senior leadership respond when such things are brought to their attention. The Highgate response was poor, as I said, it might be hard to recognise the flaws outside of this being one’s work, but it is actually my work!

We chose a single sex school in part because of this. It’s not ideal (my preference would have been mixed junior and then single sex senior), but we weighed up many factors and preferred the school we chose for other reasons too.

But the handling of this sexual assault matter was a big factor for us, against accepting the Highgate offer, despite other good things about Highgate. The OP was asking about sexual assault and well being. Those were the precise reasons we turned the offer down, so I thought it might be helpful to post. Others were highlighting the report as a positive factor. I simply thought she might find it helpful to understand why I thought that report was poor and actually weighed against Highgate in our decision making.

Just out of interest, if you turned down the Highgate offer I assume you never studied there and dont have any (at least) recent first-hand experience, how can you rate what changes the school has made in practice to address the issues and can you rate its pastoral care?

Just curious...and not accusing of anything 😊

To the OP, please do post on local Facebook groups (Hamstead mums one of them) and ask to speak to current parents, most will be happy to share their feedback.

For this particular school, I wouldn't rely much on strangers' comments on Mumsnet, as there are a lot of unhappy parents locally who didn't get the offer or sit on the waiting list (so I won't trust a sudden outburst of negative comments when offers come out and people deciding which school to pick)

@Tiredmumofthreekids I know 2 teachers there, another staff member there, and several parents with children at Highgate.

We did think about Highgate seriously when we got the offer, because it’s local to us and of course has several good points. But they didn’t outweigh our concerns about leadership approach and well being issues.