Is this normal for secondary school?

[MintGreenPolo]

Is this normal for secondary school. My son started in September year 7 but every day is coming out telling me nasty things that’s been said to him, he gets called fat, told he’s going to be punched in the face and won’t make it home after school, he’s been called gay, asked to do Inappropriate things, and yesterday he was called a racist comment from a country he isn’t even from (I won’t go into detail but he was called a stupid (insert name of people from that country) is this just what secondary school is like? He is autistic but not diagnosed and hasn’t made any friends at all yet he told me he spends the break time walking around the playground alone in a circle over and over again.

You should also be able to read up on the school's anti-bullying and other policies on their website. It gives you a stronger position from which to challenge them, and a better idea of what you should expect.

Just to add that there that there is a lot of movement between form classes in year 7 ime so don’t accept that his class is a done deal and he has to put up with it.

Ideally school would move the bullies and not your DS but it might be that there is another class that would be a better fit for him.

@MintGreenPolo my ds also goes to a large state secondary school in a diverse part of SE London and no, he hasn't experienced this.

There is a little bit of it but only occasionally - nothing at all on the scale you describe.

Sorry your DS is enduring this. Speak to the school.

Not normal at all.

That is heartbreaking.

No , this is not normal. My son is in year 7 and often hears bad language in the corridor but it isn't directed at him and he isn't punched (although some corridors are crowded and there's a certain amount of pushing). Call the school and make a fuss.

Go back to the preferred school. Say he is being bullied. Might help.

Move him. The damage will be very difficult to deal with.

The was a thread on here recently about how people's negative experiences of school/bullying literally ruined the rest of their lives - posters still suffering 10/20/30 years later.

I home educate my autistic child. Couldn't put him through it.

Send him to a good smaller school. Private if you can. Big comps are brutal places.

He needs activities at lunch time. Chess. Or maths club. Or whatever floats his boat. Train building. Anything. He can't spend lunch walking in a circle that's horrible. So painful. He's trying to cope.

School are contravening the safeguarding guidance. You can report safeguarding issues to Ofsted.

An understanding of this guidance will help you hold the school to account, through following their complaints procedure.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/keeping-children-safe-in-education--2

My DD recently started comp. She reports lots of issues with name calling threats and horrible kids. A few of her friends have been targeted and one threatened online with a kicking. She saw a boy assaulted just this week. The school have just told all the kids to be nice to each other ffs. Needles to say a large of parents have complained

Oh gosh that’s awful. Sounds very familiar to where he is at he witnessed a year 7 thrown to the ground by a year 10 in the first week of school (he hasn’t seen the boy since) where we live there are no small schools and I couldn’t afford private (lone parent) thanks for all the advice definitely taking this further

Well I’m removing him. He was attacked today in school by 7 of them and thrown to the ground and they put their hands round his neck. He’s not going back.

OP, so sorry to hear this. He must be very shaken. Hope he's not hurt. If I were you, I'd report this to police.

Some children grow up becoming no difference from animals. They can't go around thinking they can get away from doing things as such.

Taking him out. It's absolutely the right decision. Not worth the damage to his mental health.

Is there any chance you can get a report from police and talk with the council to see what options there are? In my view, the school is part of the cause, not to be depended on.

This is not normal in my experience of teaching at ‘comps’ in London and elsewhere. At schools I have worked at there has been places for
autistic pupils to retreat to at break times, and any bullying has been swiftly dealt with by staff. It saddens me that this goes on at schools, but it is not the norm
nd you shouldn’t put up with it.

I would say it is not normal for most kids in a state secondary to be experiencing this.

However, a child who is without friends and who is "different" will, from what I hear from my kids, struggle and could well be on the receiving end of this sort of thing daily, 😥

I also hear that "snitching" isn't the done thing and that sorting it out yourself is the only respected way. The problem is that not every child is capable of/or wants to fight and so it's a vicious circle. It sounds a bit like prison in how teenagers deal with stuff.

In your shoes, I'd be looking to move him schools tbh. But I'd look for the very best school locally and go for an in year transfer, appeal if they're full, citing the bullying.

Oh gosh I only read your first post and not your update! Hope he is OK and manages to settle in elsewhere.

I hope he's ok. Well done for having his back.

Unfortunately it sounds about normal for our state comp. Feral & violent. The teachers aren't interested. They are too stressed to care. The school had a lovely anti-bullying policy on their web site, they just didn't use it for anything.

DS went elsewhere.

This needs reporting to the police.

what did the school have to say about todays attack? That’s horrendous but all too common.

Second this. You need the police report to help moving things forward.

Your poor little man, that sounds absolutely horrible hun. If using his words to defend himself isn't working then he needs to learn how to throw some basic punches etc, I'm teaching my boys to never start a fight but make damn sure they finish a fight, teachers can be useless where bullying is concerned and sometimes you need to take the law into your own hands. I'd suggest looking for a local kick-boxing club, does wonders for building their confidence too when they know they can handle theirselves xx

This is heartbreaking. I’d even do some homeschooling for a bit to get him back on track if possible.

This doesn't sound at all normal. You need to move your son. Imagine being bullied at work on a daily basis, you would leave and look for another job.
Children don't have that option so their parents have to act for them.