How can I get over my disappointment?

[swimona]

DC currently in year 6 and we've recently visited our catchment secondary.

I'm just so disappointed, it's run down, drab and has a large intake. It just makes me so sad that they will be going there in September.

DC however just wants to be where their friends are.

I don't even know what I want from this post.

I could take them to see another school that is a 20 minute bus ride away but I imagine that they won't want to go (and not guaranteed a place anyway).

Well it can’t hurt to take them to see it. Are their exam results rubbish? What about ofsted? You seem surprised about the secondary school.

Hi OP - tbh a lot of schools are rundown - there has been a massive lack of investment of late in school buildings unfortunately. I'm blaming the Tory govt myself. I agree it's not great, but it's not the end of the world.

A large intake - how large? 200-240 in a year is a fairly standard secondary. It gives more options for GCSE, a better range of clubs, a bigger pool of possible friends.

By all means go and see another school for comparison. But while buildings are important, remember it is the quality of teaching, the behaviour in school, and the attitude of student and parents that matter the most IMHO.

Almost 280 intake last year, the school was in special measures a few years ago but since becoming an academy its rated good by ofsted.

I think it's by comparison to DCs current lovely primary and that's what I need to get over I think! I just didn't expect to feel so down about it.

I think that parents are often surprised by secondaries. They are often short of cash plus the emphasis is not on displays in the same way as primaries. You really need to focus on whether it has good discipline and teaching as these are the important things, not its drab decor.

I agree with all the above. And I also think there is value in visiting the potential alternative 20 mins away. It will give you and you child a point of comparison. You might be surprised by how much your child likes the alternative or how many of their friends are actually considering it too. Or the alternative will appeal to you even less, which will provide some comfort about your original choice.

Thanks all, I've booked onto the other open evening but ultimately I'll let my DC choose.

I hear bully is rife on social media but then I appreciate those happy with the school won't be the ones posting.

In the back of my mind I'm thinking if it's not right then there could be an option to move at year 9 (or before).

You won't be spending much (any) time in the school. The children won't notice that the place is slightly run down and will make their own friends amongst a smaller subset of the many children at the school (280 pretty standard for a secondary school) and ignore the rest.

What's important is the teaching and the pastoral care and where your child will be happy and do well. The surroundings only matter to a certain extent.
A school that has turned itself around from special measures sounds like one on the up - which is a good thing.

But yes, go and see the other school. If you do massively prefer it, then by all means put it as first preference. But you may find the schools are not as dissimilar as you think.

All schools have bullying. It's how the school tackles it that's important.

I would be wary of placing too much importance on going where friends go. They tend to drift apart once they start secondary and there can also be bullying/social exclusion between primary friends if some pull away early on. IMO 10 Yr old shouldn't be making the decision aa they haven't got the maturity to make decisions about their future. We didn't let DD choose her secondary school, she was the only one from her primary to go, but after 4 weeks she has settled and made friends.
Visit them all, compare them according to your criteria and make the decision that feels right for your child.

Might be worth checking if he has any chance of getting in before visiting.

My dd went to an excellent secondary school where they had to put buckets under leaks when it rained. And that was 10 years ago. God knows what it's like now.

Why does Ofsted say it is good? Ofsted ratings can be unreliable but they can five indications of strengths and weaknesses to see if they align with your thoughts.

Your child should have input but I don't believe they should have the final say. They are not capable of reasoning what is best for them, usually they say they want to be where their friends go. They don't take into account cohort ability of the school (you can find this under Prior Attainment,) GCSE results, range of extra curricular activities, number of GCSEs some schools only do 8, variety of subjects at GCSE, pastoral support, SEN provision etc.

I would visit the other school and make a list of pros and cons for both schools. As one is a bus ride away you need to consider cost, bad weather, what the alternative is if the bus doesn't turn up? After school clubs and getting home.

If at any stage you want to move schools once they are in then year 9 is the absolute latest. My DC's school starts some GCSE content in the last term of year 9 for either content heavy subjects such as History or Geography or if the year group/classes in it are moving at a good pace they just move on which for my son was maths and science.

Don't let your kid decide. They're far too young to make decisions of that enormity.

It’s not just about what it looks like though. What are the opportunities like there? Do the students look happy? What is the pastoral care like? If all his friends are going there presumably some of them will have older siblings there, can you talk to parents who already have children at that school?

I would definitely explore the other schools in the area. Just because it’s your catchment school, it still doesn’t mean you’ll get a place. Kids were not even getting into their 2nd or 3rd choices in my area last year.

I feel for you. I remember visiting our local secondary a year ago and I absolutely hated it. The buildings were drab and run down - I felt I’d walked into a 1990s time warp. I watched a teacher deliver her lesson at top volume, as if shouting was the only way to head off any disruption. One of the newer and less drab buildings had signs all over the toilet doors saying they are locked all day - apart from break and lunchtimes - due to vandalism. It was really fucking depressing.

It’s worth looking at schools further afield. I know it’s never a guarantee that you’ll get a place, but lots of families round my way have very much voted with their feet and sent their children elsewhere.

I also don't understand why so many posters on MM are set against their DC travelling to get to a school. Seems to be a frequent call that closest = best. 20 min bus ride is nothing. I used to catch 2 buses for a 1 hour journey to secondary and DD has a 1 bus 30 min journey.

You can't let a 10 year old decide on their future schooling! There are more important considerations than who you're friends with. Those friendships often fizzle out quickly in Yr 7, especially as most schools split up ones from the same primary.

See if you can visit on an ordinary day to get a better feel for a school. If you were unimpressed on Open Evening when schools are usually putting their best face on and telling you all the positives, I think you're right to be disappointed.
Your child will be there for 5 or 7 years of the most important years of their education so it's worth looking more widely and asking lots of questions.

After the first couple of weeks I didn't end up hanging out with many of my primary school buddies at secondary, I (and they) soon made new friends. There is no way you should be basing your decision of where to send your child based on what their friends are doing. Choose the right school for your child, don't just follow the crowd!

Definitely go and see the other school for comparison. We did our 2 potential schools open evening plus a visit to each during the school day. In the end we went for the local one where DS’s friends were going (which was the slightly less academic option and a bit more run down). He’s now yr 7 and really happy there. It’s also 280 students intake. The visits during the day were both just us and one other family so we could ask lots of questions and really get a good feel for the school. We asked about mobile phone policy, sports, bullying policy, streaming specifics etc.

I was really impressed with how DS’s school help them settle into year 7 and he loved the induction days. Also the primary will probably really gear them up for the change. I was so worried about the decision and how my sensitive ds would handle the change but he was so excited and happy by the time it came around.

We're in a similar position. Only one in catchment, hugely oversubscribed (they had almost 500 applications for 210 places last year). If we don't get in, the nearest is miles away. DS will be homeschooled.

For the same reason that adults don't like to commute to work (and wfh is now so popular)?

Travelling is dead time - it could be spent doing something else. It's tiring, which tires you out for other activities. In the case of schools it may prevent you doing after school activities (limited by bus) and is likely to mean that friends live a distance away so you can't just pop over and see them.

20 minutes bus journey means additional time getting too and from the bus stop, and waiting around for the bus. Unless it's a very frequent service you have to leave plenty of time.

Yes, it's not ridiculous for the right school. But if local school is good, why make your child travel (and I sincerely hope your DD's school is either unique in meeting a requirement of hers, or you live so rurally that any school is a trek).

@redskytonights actually for DD it is a chance to catch up with friends and de-compress after a full day of school. I chose the best school for her, the nearest is dire. Most schools finish so early ie between 2.45-3.30 that an extra 20 min journey really doesn't see them get home that late.

Most schools are drab and rundown. Have a look at things such as results, parental views etc because that's more important than aesthetics. And a 20 minute journey isn't that bad honestly. That's how long DD spends on the train to school. Have a look at that school's admissions criteria to see if you've got a chance and then have a look round to visit. He might change his mind.

I visited 2 of our local state secondaries and they were both run down. Unless you are looking at private as your alternative.

280 isn't not a large intake. DC1 school is over 300 and I don't believe it's called large.

As a parent you make the decision where they go to school not a 10/11 year old and if you believe that the school a 20 min bus ride away is better for them then you tel them they’re going. 20 mins is nothing by the way