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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Private secondary schools for kids who don’t much like school

45 replies

Secondarysuggestions · 21/09/2023 11:40

Ds has never really liked primary. It’s ok, but he’s never loved it. Some years he’s found it fine, some years he’s hated it.

Lately he’s been going in crying and coming out upset. It’s like all the air has been taken out of him. He’s less brave in his day-to-day life too.

Doesn’t seem to be any bullying. Still doing well academically (always in the top-ish of his class). Just says he doesn’t like it much and doesn’t have many friends but also isn’t putting himself out there at all.

So I’m looking for a private secondary for kids who don’t like school much! Somewhere very caring where kids have some autonomy. Also fun.

We live in London. All I know of is King Alfred’s!

Any suggestions would be fantastic!

OP posts:
OhCrumbsWhereNow · 21/09/2023 11:53

Bedes in Eastbourne? Gordonstoun in Scotland? Bedales? Frensham Heights might work - although things sound a bit off at the moment.

usernamebore · 21/09/2023 11:55

Portland place?

DibbleDooDah · 21/09/2023 11:58

St Christopher’s in Letchworth. School bus from Highgate and Cockfosters.

GodessOfThunder · 21/09/2023 11:58

Try state instead?

Foxesandsquirrels · 21/09/2023 12:04

Is he in a prep? He might really love state secondary to be honest. Where are you based?

Original poster
Secondarysuggestions · 21/09/2023 12:49

He’s not a prep, but I do wish I’d moved him to a progressive private (not a prep). He’s academic and NT, but not looking for somewhere establishment and academic as such, somewhere that school-refusers might love. I feel like he’s leaning that way!

OP posts:
redskytonights · 21/09/2023 13:04

What does he like? What are his interests out of school? Does he have friends in out of school clubs? What gets him excited when you talk about it?

You seem to have decided that your child dislikes school without really understanding what elements he doesn't like or what things he might prefer.

GodessOfThunder · 21/09/2023 15:45

Can I just ask why it has to be a private school?

MarshmellowMoon · 21/09/2023 15:51

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Tracker1234 · 21/09/2023 15:56

Godess.. why are you so keen on state? There won’t be much choice. You get what you get whereas in private you can choose far more carefully!

I went to state. Didn’t rate it at all. Bog standard secondary modern with no challenges for their pupils.

We chose private for both children and they have thrived

Foxesandsquirrels · 21/09/2023 16:01

Be careful with schools that are too progressive. Esp ones like King Alfred. Check behaviour policy v carefull and how they handle bullying. Look at drug use etc. They're everywhere but different schools will have different levels.
What is it about school that's making you think he's going to refuse?

Foxesandsquirrels · 21/09/2023 16:02

@Tracker1234 Honestly? My DDs best friend is at a private, moved from state. It's crap. It's not about private or state, it's school Vs school. Lots of kids move from private to state and thrive and vice versa.
I do agree money gives choice though.

Araminta1003 · 21/09/2023 16:06

I think you need to understand in detail first what he didn’t like about state primary school.

One of my DC was like that. He is in fact highly intelligent and highly academic but shy and at primary, he hated the chaos and the other kids not trying as much. He hated the teacher having to raise her voice regularly just to be heard. He also hated the unpredictability of most children. After that he went to a pushy grammar and absolutely loved it, because most kids were nerdy and wanted to learn and work hard. He also loves rules! So that aspect of state education he really enjoys. For example, most private schools have an element of compulsory sport and whilst my DS exercises regularly, it wasn’t team sports. Interestingly though once he did mature much later, he did really get into a particular team sport. He is absolutely fine now and came out of education with top grades. At one point I also considered eg an alternative school for him like Steiner, but in hindsight, I am really glad I didn’t do that. He really thrived having other kids of a similar intellectual standard around him, as that helped him socialise.

Like others said, get to the bottom first of what aspects of school he didn’t like and what might suit him best.

If you are really not sure, find a reputable educational psychologist. That is what we did and then basically came to understand that DS has near genius IQ level. It makes standard education difficult!

Marisquita · 21/09/2023 17:00

Depending on where in London you are, perhaps have a look at St Margaret’s in Bushey. It’s all-through 2-18, recently co-ed, more selective than it used to be but still warm & inclusive. There’s loads of fun on offer but with boundaries so not an “anything goes” sort of place; expectations for behaviour are high, but they don’t seem to need heavy-handed discipline as the children tend to get along happily. They make ample use of their wonderful 70-acre campus with plenty of outdoorsy stuff (skateboarding, mountain biking, forest skills in addition to swimming and team games).

Academic value-added is a key strength, and they offer all sorts of clubs to suit all sorts of children. The north London bus route picks up from Belsize Park, Hampstead and Finchley. There’s an open day this weekend, though I fear it may already be full. Feel free to DM me if you like.

Original poster
Secondarysuggestions · 21/09/2023 17:10

GodessOfThunder · 21/09/2023 15:45

Can I just ask why it has to be a private school?

Because he’s been to two state schools now, and was unhappy in both (to varying degrees) so keen to try a slightly alternative private perhaps. I am reluctant to move him again in primary school, because three schools feels a lot, but I want to explore a gentler secondary. (We moved from one part of London to another.)

But I truly don’t know at this point! Whatever is going on isn’t working for him so looking to explore options!

OP posts:
Marisquita · 21/09/2023 17:12

@Secondarysuggestions which year group is he in now?

Original poster
Secondarysuggestions · 21/09/2023 17:15

He’s in year 5

OP posts:
Original poster
Secondarysuggestions · 21/09/2023 17:17

Marisquita · 21/09/2023 17:00

Depending on where in London you are, perhaps have a look at St Margaret’s in Bushey. It’s all-through 2-18, recently co-ed, more selective than it used to be but still warm & inclusive. There’s loads of fun on offer but with boundaries so not an “anything goes” sort of place; expectations for behaviour are high, but they don’t seem to need heavy-handed discipline as the children tend to get along happily. They make ample use of their wonderful 70-acre campus with plenty of outdoorsy stuff (skateboarding, mountain biking, forest skills in addition to swimming and team games).

Academic value-added is a key strength, and they offer all sorts of clubs to suit all sorts of children. The north London bus route picks up from Belsize Park, Hampstead and Finchley. There’s an open day this weekend, though I fear it may already be full. Feel free to DM me if you like.

That school sounds lovely! I will explore that open day and whether or not we can visit then or another time!

OP posts:
Marisquita · 21/09/2023 17:20

@Secondarysuggestions It really is lovely. You might consider asking whether they have any occasional places available in Y5 (possible because they have recently expanded the Junior School from 2 to 3 forms per year). If he were to transfer in Y5 then he would be able to carry on into the Senior School without doing the competitive 11+.

belladonna22 · 21/09/2023 19:05

Check out Liberty Woodland School in Morden. A great education but delivered very differently!

Divonne · 21/09/2023 19:38

Dear All, we’re expats returning to Weybridge/Surrey in the summer to provide educational stability for our boys. Looking for a balanced school not highly academic. Prefer co-ed. So, I’ve applied to Claremont Fan School (CFS) & St George’s College for next year (Y9 & Y10). We have to be in the country to apply for the State schools (not sure which ones are best?).
Also looking for specific online tutors who could help with the school entrance assessments wrt English & Maths? Appreciate any advice and tutor contacts. Many thanks!

GodessOfThunder · 21/09/2023 19:48

Tracker1234 · 21/09/2023 15:56

Godess.. why are you so keen on state? There won’t be much choice. You get what you get whereas in private you can choose far more carefully!

I went to state. Didn’t rate it at all. Bog standard secondary modern with no challenges for their pupils.

We chose private for both children and they have thrived

What are they up to?

GodessOfThunder · 21/09/2023 19:52

Tracker1234 · 21/09/2023 15:56

Godess.. why are you so keen on state? There won’t be much choice. You get what you get whereas in private you can choose far more carefully!

I went to state. Didn’t rate it at all. Bog standard secondary modern with no challenges for their pupils.

We chose private for both children and they have thrived

I favour the banning of private schools!

It sounds like you, with respect, were a less than capable student; you failed the eleven plus and weren’t able to challenge yourself.

1forward2back · 21/09/2023 22:01

Have you considered online school? A friend’s son was really struggling and is now learning via Portland place online and loving it, I think they go in a few days a week (maybe)

purser25 · 21/09/2023 22:09

I have heard that Steiner schools can be quite bad for bullying they don’t always stop it.