Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Moving from private to state in Year 9

39 replies

winterrabbit · 29/08/2023 18:00

DS2, 13, is just about to move into Year 9 at a private school in North London. He has been asking for some time to move to our local state secondary where a lot of his friends go. I've been reluctant to move him as the local state does not have great results (more along the lines of ok) and has all the issues that go with a large mixed London comprehensive, however, I am increasingly minded to just let him join his primary school friends at the local state. He's not unhappy at this current school but he says he doesn't like the vibe or the teachers at the private school, prefers his local friends, doesn't like the long school day etc. I do hear him as the school he is at was very much a back-up school for us and doesn't have great facilities although does get good results and is small and nurturing. DS is bright and hardworking and I think will probably do well anywhere. Having said that, he did not do as well as we expected at 11+ (hence the back-up school) and missed out on the grammars and super-selectives so I do wonder if it's worth paying for slightly smaller classes, more support etc so that he gets the best results possible. Curious as to what others would do.

OP posts:

10Minutestobedtime · 29/08/2023 20:45

I'm not speaking from experience but if you're minded to move him how about moving him and using tutors to give him a boost?

SignsOfWeakness · 29/08/2023 20:45

Different scenario but DS (also 13, soon to be yr 9) is at a sought after local grammar which doesn't have a catchment. Due to this his friends live all around the large city and beyond so he complains he can't see them out of school.

He could get public transport and I've offered to drive him but it's not the same as being able to go to the local park with your friends really (although hanging around the park may not be a great idea either!)

He's also a bright, self-motivated boy and I kind of regret not letting him go to the local comprehensive with his primary school friends. I won't move him as he is happy but if he weren't I would certainly consider it.

So I think moving your DS wouldn't be the worst thing in the world tbh.

redskytonights · 29/08/2023 21:00

You like the school because it gets great results and is small and nurturing.

However, I would suspect that the results are inline with the school's intake and it doesn't sounds like DS feels very nurtured there.

I would reevaluate whether your reasons for sending him there are actually valid in light of him actually attending the school, rather than as a theoretical option.

If you went for the comprehensive the money freed up could pay for tutoring and his day still would probably be shorter than it is now.

If my child were asking to move schools, I would move them.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllanty · 29/08/2023 21:01

Can your DC make friends in the current school?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 29/08/2023 21:08

Does the comp have space?
He'll be picking his options in 6 months time or so, if you're going to move, I wouldn't leave it much later than now.

Foxesandsquirrels · 29/08/2023 22:04

Does the state even have space? This might be an expensive move for you as you will need to give a terms notice at your current school whereas if a space comes up at the state you have max 2 weeks to accept from memory.
Is he somewhere like Aldenham or Belmont Vs say Highgate?
What's your state option?

Original poster

winterrabbit · 30/08/2023 09:22

Places at the local state come up quite often as we applied twice before and got a place within a few weeks (but didn't take it). Local option is Highgate Wood. Accept that we'd have to lose up to a term's fees. Doesn't seem a way around it unfortunately.

In terms of friendships, he is popular at his current school and has lots of kids wanting to be friends with him but he just doesn't seem that interested.

OP posts:

Foxesandsquirrels · 30/08/2023 09:58

What friendships group would he be in at HGW? Its not all doom and gloom there esp if he's in an established group. The school is very cliquey and the good kids tend to stay together and vice versa. I know you don't want to say but if he's about to go into somewhere like Mill Hill than I would probably move him tbh. I suspect he'll be much happier at hgw and do just as well if you top up with tutors.

sillyuniforms · 31/08/2023 07:27

I'd move him & support with tutors

Starlightstarbright2 · 31/08/2023 07:31

I personally wouldn’t move him for mates. This is the time mates are just a distraction rather than anything else .

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllanty · 31/08/2023 08:21

he is popular at his current school and has lots of kids wanting to be friends with him but he just doesn't seem that interested

It is just teens, he would be OK re move or not.

Original poster

winterrabbit · 31/08/2023 12:29

Yes, he wants to move. Mainly for mates but he also says teachers are boring, wants to be at a school closer to home (his school is 30 minutes away on the tube so not really far). He basically likes the vibe at the local state not the posh vibe at the private.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 31/08/2023 12:35

Teachers will be boring everywhere if that is his attitude...

30 mins tube journey is a fair distance in miles

Save money send local so long as he will put in the work to get decent gcses

Urgsleepmoresleep · 31/08/2023 12:54

@winterrabbit i was your son. I went to a private school in my primary years but I didn’t like the teachers. They were very academic. I needed a bit more fun lessons to help me thrive. I did well in private school and had friends, but didn’t see them out of school due to distance. I didn’t do well in my 11 plus. I think it was the pressure.

I asked to move to a state school close ti where I lived with my friends. My mum was hesitant but let me. I thrived as there was less emphasis on academia and more on thriving. I also had my friends I could walk to school with and see them after.

I thrived got good results and still see my friends 25 years later. I did have tutors for some subjects. Was the best decision as I needed the social aspect too. My brother stayed at the private school and thrived. But he was more academic and introverted.

Original poster

winterrabbit · 31/08/2023 12:56

Have said that about teachers.

Actually, the school is 2.1 miles away and a 10-15 minute drive, just takes longer on the tube. Even our local state is a 15 minute walk.

The money is not really an issue - a chunk of it is covered by grandparents so not costing me anything and he/we wouldn't be able to use that money for anything else.

OP posts:

Ughhelp · 31/08/2023 13:16

Horribly personal question, but is there a financial disparity with many of those at the private school. It can be a shock to the system to realise peers are cushioned by significant wealth and have a huge amount of disposable income for after school/Uni activities.

lavendersbluedillydilly12 · 31/08/2023 14:02

I've worked in two private schools and two state comprehensives. Both the comprehensives were 'outstanding.' I'd say they the difference between both was stark. Behaviour impeccable in the privates and more or less all the parents had high expectations of their children. My concern about a child (any child - no reflection on yours) who wanted to move schools because of friends would be behaviour/focus in school. I think if you and he can bear it he should stay where he is. Only you know your child though; if you're confident who won't get into more than the normal amount of mischief it's probably fine to move!

Original poster

winterrabbit · 31/08/2023 15:21

Ugghelp, there is some disparity as some very rich families alongside more normal professional families but I am sure DS doesn't care about that. He's not impressed by money - he just says the kids at the private are nerds and he wants to be at the state school with his local friends. He also doesn't want to do anything after school other than play football with his friends, isn't into clothes or fashion etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

winterrabbit · 31/08/2023 15:26

Thanks Lavender. I am definitely not worried about his behaviour as he's really well behaved/sporty and very unlikely to get up to anything other than minor silliness. He is also academic and very focused (does all his homework of his own accord, in top set for all subjects) so not worried about that side of it.

My main concerns are whether the teaching/learning support would be the same or he is likely to get worse grades if he goes to our state school? Probably not as I think the teaching is generally good but there could be issues with the behaviour of other kids in class, supply teachers etc. I also worry that he may get there and find that it doesn't live up his expectations. What then?

OP posts:

lavendersbluedillydilly12 · 31/08/2023 23:13

winterrabbit · 31/08/2023 15:26

It's a good point about supply teachers and a staff absence. In the state schools I worked in this was definitely more of a problem. Timetables are more squashed in the SS. In the PS departments cover absence so the class always has a specialist.

I'd also say I taught a core subject and in the PS in a full timetable I taught about 150 children and in the SS 450. So I knew the ps children well and the SS children a lot less!

Spotnessmonster · 31/08/2023 23:19

Would the grandparents consider paying towards tutors if he moved to state?
I'd let him move and if his sats aren't what u expect/you think he could have done better then he will be expected to have private tutoring for the rest of his schooling.
I think although an important decision, if he's been consistent in his request I'd give him the opportunity.

Original poster

winterrabbit · 22/11/2023 22:20

Coming back here for more advice. So, shortly after I posted, a place came up at another state school where I had put DS on the waiting list but is further away so I didn't think we stand a chance of getting in. It's supposed to be an outstanding school and has good results (36% grades at 9-7, 90% at 9-4 compared to 44 % 9-7/99% 9-4 as his old school) but, having been there over 6 weeks, DS and I are not that happy. DS said the teaching is nowhere near as good as it was at the private and they're covering stuff he did in year 7 in the maths lessons. They're also refusing to move him to the top sets as they claim there is no room and they have no data on him. He was in all the top sets at the previous schools and most his grades were at least a 7, 8/;9 in Maths so I am super worried that his learning is being impacted. On the upside, the sports are great, which DS loves and he says the kids are ok (he knows quite a few kids there too). Communication though is absolutely dire - literally nothing which I'm not sure I can deal with especially as he settles in. DS also says there is a high level of bad behaviour and disruption which is to be expected I suppose in an all boys inner city comp. That said, I am worried enough by the academic side that I was strongly considering moving him back. His old school still have a place for him but we need to decide soon. In the meantime a place at our local school we originally wanted to move to has also come up so in a complete quandry. DS is not unhappy at the new school and doesn't seem to have any strong views although he says it'd be weird to go back to his old school having left which is not a reason in my view. Looking back I wish I not listened to him and just left him at his original school. I feel so bad messing with his education like this. Can anyone offer any advice?

OP posts:

Beenthere02 · 22/11/2023 22:36

We have had a very similar experience with DS1. He went to a grammar school in y7 for a year which he hated for all the reasons you stated. He also started suffering from bullying at some point and school could not deal effectively with that. We moved him back to his previous school for y8. It wasn't great as he had missed some opportunities but I don't regret it.
Unfortunately you feel that grass can be greener in the state or grammar some times, or that maybe is the same, especially when you read all this Mumsnet post about how unecessary private schools are but when you go back you understand why you pay.
Although I still have concerns and I am not happy with everything that is happening in the private schools I cannot see how a state school can do it better. This is really unfortunate as I am struggling financially so much and have to rely on bursaries but so true.
I don't think there is any compare academically between private and state 😣

Refbuckethat · 25/11/2023 23:50

Id actually move again to the school you actually wanted. A few weeks in Year9 seriously wont have a massive impact on GCSE if he's bright and wants to learn

XelaM · 26/11/2023 06:28

Refbuckethat · 25/11/2023 23:50

Id actually move again to the school you actually wanted. A few weeks in Year9 seriously wont have a massive impact on GCSE if he's bright and wants to learn

This.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread