Travel-what to do if your dc aren't ready?

drunkpeacock · 2023-08-18T08:42:27+00:00

Hi so just wondering what everybody else does in this situation although I have a year to go still. To get to secondary school my ds will have to get two busses. For work I'm completely reliant on wraparound care, which won't be available at secondary, obviously. But I'm not sure he'll be ready to get two busses on his own this time next year, he's sensible and well-behaved but not streetwise and "young" in a lot of ways. He wouldn't currently walk to a local shop on his own or go to the park with a friend. Has anybody faced this and what did you do? Taking him and collecting him until he matures is not an option due to work. Thanks for your help!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 18/08/2023 09:43

Tbh practising until he gets ready is the only option.

When you say he ‘wouldn’t’ go to the local shop do you mean he’s too scared, he’s not allowed or it’s just not something he ever needs to do?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 18/08/2023 09:44

Also there’s a big change in the last year of primary school - all of mine have been vastly different at the end of the year to what they were like at the start

Original poster

drunkpeacock · 18/08/2023 09:55

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 18/08/2023 09:43

Tbh practising until he gets ready is the only option.

When you say he ‘wouldn’t’ go to the local shop do you mean he’s too scared, he’s not allowed or it’s just not something he ever needs to do?

Partly there's not local shops within easy walking distance so we've just never done it. I'm going to start this once he has a phone (which will be soon) but we're talking 15-20 min walk with roads to cross

I think with encouragement he would try, he isn't scared he's just always seemed too young and preferred to be with others

He will go to the shop at my sister's house where it's a five minute walk and no shops.
He's on only child, later in life baby after we'd given up and two rounds of IVF had failed so we've babied him a bit unfortunately.

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pizzaHeart · 18/08/2023 09:56

I agree that you have to practice at every opportunity.
Is any of his friend coming to the same secondary to join forces? is there an option to drop him off earlier at school or at a different bus stop to simplify journey?
there is no magic trick you are missing, your other options are: move house, change working hours or pay to someone. But the most realistic one is to practice with your child.

PuttingDownRoots · 18/08/2023 09:59

Do you ever catch the bus together? That might be the first step.
I'm guessing he goes to breakfast club before school currently... could he get their independently?

BitOutOfPractice · 18/08/2023 09:59

Then use this year to stop babying him and encourage His independence. You’re not doing him any favours keeping him wrapped up like this, regardless of the circumstances of his birth.

I think you’re massively projecting what he wants and prefers to do by the way. Either that or your fears are rubbing off on him.

practise, your support and encouragement, and he’ll be grand.

whybotheratall · 18/08/2023 10:00

Can you find a school on a direct bus or train line ? Can he do something in the local area as afterschool or sports and hang until you pick him up?

PragmaticWench · 18/08/2023 10:00

Do you know any other children who will be doing the same journey? It's easier if they're heading to school with others but that's not always something you know until the start of term.

I'd factor in some contingency planning, so what to do if the first or second bus doesn't turn up. Some buses can be seen in real time on an app. What will he do if he's forgotten or lost his bus pass? Carrying a payment card or a photograph of the bus pass etc.

Eudaimonia5 · 18/08/2023 10:00

Start sitting in the car and asking him to do you a favour and pop in the shop for you for some milk or whatever. Next stage, get him to walk to the shop. Keep sending him in little errands, it makes him feel helpful, builds his confidence and gives him new skills.

Then practice getting him to meet you somewhere that he needs to travel to by bus.

You've got plenty of time as long as you start now.

redskytwonight · 18/08/2023 10:03

Kindly, it sounds like you are babying him.
15-20 minutes walk with roads to cross should be perfectly doable at age 10.

Let him play out, walk to friends' houses, get the bus, walk to school (even if it's just walking from somewhere you've parked if too far to walk). Going from never going out on his own to two buses is a big ask! Get practising now.

And get him a cheap brick phone now as well. Then you've got no excuse not to let him.

Eudaimonia5 · 18/08/2023 10:05

Sorry, I read your update about him going to the shop after I'd posted.

You've babied him a bit but it's actually not that big of a deal at his age, it's not as though you're posting this about a son aged 14!

He's got a year to get used to travelling by bus and learning how to navigate public transport. It's great that you're thinking this far in advance because it means that by the time he starts school, he'll have gained all these skills and will be absolutely fine.

Original poster

drunkpeacock · 18/08/2023 10:08

BitOutOfPractice · 18/08/2023 09:59

Then use this year to stop babying him and encourage His independence. You’re not doing him any favours keeping him wrapped up like this, regardless of the circumstances of his birth.

I think you’re massively projecting what he wants and prefers to do by the way. Either that or your fears are rubbing off on him.

practise, your support and encouragement, and he’ll be grand.

Yes, I've been actively working on that this year and he is much better but it still feels like a long way to go.

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AuntieMarys · 18/08/2023 10:08

At the end of the day he will have yo! So just keep practicing

Original poster

drunkpeacock · 18/08/2023 10:10

whybotheratall · 18/08/2023 10:00

Can you find a school on a direct bus or train line ? Can he do something in the local area as afterschool or sports and hang until you pick him up?

I could, in fact there are two within walking distance. The problem is that they're not very good schools so do I sacrifice going to a better school so that he can get there easily? Obviously this is all going to be a big dilemma when we apply for schools. I'm finding it quite tricky.

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IsGoodIsDon · 18/08/2023 10:11

I feel for you OP my DD starts high school this September and I really don’t like the thought of my 11 year old travelling so far on 2 buses to get to school.
I am going to try and wrangle it so I can drive her most days but I’m lucky I have that flexibility with work. Her best friend is still 10 and will have to do it in September as well.
I think I’m over cautious because I grew up in a small rural town where everyone knew everyone and doors were never locked. I never caught a bus myself until I was 19 and that was a coach going long distances. It’s hard to let her go out onto the London streets on her own.

Original poster

drunkpeacock · 18/08/2023 10:12

Eudaimonia5 · 18/08/2023 10:00

Start sitting in the car and asking him to do you a favour and pop in the shop for you for some milk or whatever. Next stage, get him to walk to the shop. Keep sending him in little errands, it makes him feel helpful, builds his confidence and gives him new skills.

Then practice getting him to meet you somewhere that he needs to travel to by bus.

You've got plenty of time as long as you start now.

He'll do the errands and things no bother at all, it's just a big jump then to walking to our local shop which would be 15-20 minutes each way. I've told him that we'll be practising this together though.

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Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 18/08/2023 10:15

The thing is, children are far more capable than we often allow them to be. If you enable him to be successful, he likely will be.

i wouldn’t even think about changing schools, that’s a massively dramatic solution instead of just teaching him that he’s capable of using the bus.

i live I Switzerland where children are expected to walk to the local school alone soon after they start kindergarten at 4 (my DS was four years and 4 months when he first walked alone) including using a zebra crossing to cross any roads. They had road sense lessons from the police which we were expected to build on.

now, I know the environment is different in the UK and you wouldn’t do this there, but the point is that if you set up the environment, and give appropriate instruction and encouragement, you’ll find your son is more than capable.

Original poster

drunkpeacock · 18/08/2023 10:15

IsGoodIsDon · 18/08/2023 10:11

I feel for you OP my DD starts high school this September and I really don’t like the thought of my 11 year old travelling so far on 2 buses to get to school.
I am going to try and wrangle it so I can drive her most days but I’m lucky I have that flexibility with work. Her best friend is still 10 and will have to do it in September as well.
I think I’m over cautious because I grew up in a small rural town where everyone knew everyone and doors were never locked. I never caught a bus myself until I was 19 and that was a coach going long distances. It’s hard to let her go out onto the London streets on her own.

Thank you and good luck to your dd. My impression from other parents is that they seem young at first but very quickly grow into it. So fingers crossed they'll be fine!

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Original poster

drunkpeacock · 18/08/2023 10:17

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 18/08/2023 10:15

The thing is, children are far more capable than we often allow them to be. If you enable him to be successful, he likely will be.

i wouldn’t even think about changing schools, that’s a massively dramatic solution instead of just teaching him that he’s capable of using the bus.

i live I Switzerland where children are expected to walk to the local school alone soon after they start kindergarten at 4 (my DS was four years and 4 months when he first walked alone) including using a zebra crossing to cross any roads. They had road sense lessons from the police which we were expected to build on.

now, I know the environment is different in the UK and you wouldn’t do this there, but the point is that if you set up the environment, and give appropriate instruction and encouragement, you’ll find your son is more than capable.

Wow, so young!
Yes you're right though, he will do it he just needs a bit of a push I think.

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MumofSpud · 18/08/2023 10:19

BitOutOfPractice · 18/08/2023 09:59

Then use this year to stop babying him and encourage His independence. You’re not doing him any favours keeping him wrapped up like this, regardless of the circumstances of his birth.

I think you’re massively projecting what he wants and prefers to do by the way. Either that or your fears are rubbing off on him.

practise, your support and encouragement, and he’ll be grand.

This!
It's nearly the end of the school holidays - you're going to practise doing the journey with him over the next couple of weeks - doesn't have to be at the correct times
Also will he have some sort of bud pass or pay in cash on the bus?
If it is the latter make sure he has the exact amount - my DS used to get the bus to school (albeit 10 years ago) and as he was the only one who paid cash the driver never had any change!
He'll be fine - he'll grow up a lot in Year 7 !

Squidlette · 18/08/2023 10:21

This time last year, the thought of dd having to trek 30 minutes to school, by herself, filled me with fear. And I was already used to her going off up the woods or to the shop with friends.

By July this year, she was walking home from primary (similar distance) and planning who to meet up with on the way. She is already asking when she can get the bus to our nearest city.

In contrast, her brother, who is 2 years older, still hasn't got a bus by himself. He goes to school and back and that's it.

redskytwonight · 18/08/2023 10:23

drunkpeacock · 18/08/2023 10:10

I could, in fact there are two within walking distance. The problem is that they're not very good schools so do I sacrifice going to a better school so that he can get there easily? Obviously this is all going to be a big dilemma when we apply for schools. I'm finding it quite tricky.

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Is he actually likely to get into the two buses away school? Not to say you shouldn't start practising independence skills anyway, but worth waiting to see what school he gets to before worrying too much.

That said, there's a lot to be said for a school that's close by. I guess it depends how much "better" better is.

FrenchandSaunders · 18/08/2023 10:23

He'll change quite a lot in the next year, and you can use this time to increase his independence.

Do the route a few times with him on the bus, then let him do it alone. It is daunting letting them go but it's something we all have to do, and keep our fears to ourselves ..... this is just the start of it!

HamishTheCamel · 18/08/2023 10:27

Hi OP, we live rurally so my DC had never done this kind of thing before they started secondary. They didn't walk to primary school or the shops because it would be a 40 minute walk each way. They started getting the bus in year 7 and they've been absolutely fine. Honestly, they grow up a lot over the next year or two. Practising the journey is a good idea but I just wanted to reassure you that you're not the only one in this position.

Mariposista · 18/08/2023 10:30

Practise, practise and more practise. He will soon (have to) get his big boy pants on.