Travel-what to do if your dc aren't ready?

[drunkpeacock]

Hi so just wondering what everybody else does in this situation although I have a year to go still.
To get to secondary school my ds will have to get two busses. For work I'm completely reliant on wraparound care, which won't be available at secondary, obviously.

But

I'm not sure he'll be ready to get two busses on his own this time next year, he's sensible and well-behaved but not streetwise and "young" in a lot of ways. He wouldn't currently walk to a local shop on his own or go to the park with a friend.

Has anybody faced this and what did you do?

Taking him and collecting him until he matures is not an option due to work.

Thanks for your help!

*Is he actually likely to get into the two buses away school? Not to say you shouldn't start practising independence skills anyway, but worth waiting to see what school he gets to before worrying too much.

That said, there's a lot to be said for a school that's close by. I guess it depends how much "better" better is*

Yes the two schools that are two busses away are his most likely option. There's a great school that is also geographically easier to get to but incredibly hard to get into, then there are two really, really tough school that are much closer to us.

The "two bus" schools aren't actually that far away btw we live in an odd area that's difficult public transport wise.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it's time for him to learn. I think it's a sad sign of the times that 11 year-olds don't have the confidence to catch a bus.

Thank you!

Here, They all walk to school from Year 6 Springtime, in preparation for secondary. Are all his friends from primary also going to the same school, will need to catch 2 buses. Practice, in the next year. It's the only way. You really do need to stop babying him, you aren't doing him any favours and it's not good parenting.

He's still 10 and will have the confidence to catch a bus once we've done it a few times it's just two busses, finding bad stops, walking at either end, navigating problems (bus not turning up etc) feels like a lot just now. I don't think it's particularly a "sign of the times" thing.
I didn't get busses on my own until about 12+ and I wasn't particularly unusual and that was a good amount of time ago 😆

Don't forget, he won't be the only one doing it, so there'll be a huddle of kids doing the same route, of different ages.

Lol! You don't really know me so are not in a position to tell me I'm not a good parent.
I'm thinking about it a year in advance so that I can prepare him and have already been working in his independence for the last year.
I readily admit we've babied him in my first post though and am trying hard to change things.

Yes good point!

@drunkpeacock We are in the US and public transportation isn’t great. But even then my 11 year old takes public transport to school with a phone. He walks to the supermarket and buys stuff.
Please remember that confidence comes from everything- not just outside the house but inside as well. Do you give him chores and responsibility?
I have taught mine to:
make breakfast- cereal and toast. (Next step is scrambled egg)
make basic pasta with pesto or a cheese sauce (next step is some Mac and cheese)
he can put a pizza in a pre heated oven, with a timer, take it out, let it cool and slice it.
he can bake a cake/cupcakes
he can make me a cup of tea if needed
he can use the hoover
he knows how to put out the recycling
he can load and unload a dishwasher
he knows the laundry settings on the washing machine.
he can make his own bed (ie change the sheets).

This doesn’t mean he is doing these jobs all the time but he can do it when asked and we try and do chores as a family. So say I am unloading the dishwasher, DH is tidying up the kitchen and living room, DS2 is putting away toys and he might be doing the recycling or if I am hoovering he might unload the dishwasher for me while DH puts away laundry. Or while I am getting his sibling sorted I might ask him to start the washing machine.

Being given responsibility in small doses adds up. We started with him going to a friend’s house across the road and then another one down the street. Friend’s mum and I would look out of the window or text each other in the early days. Then to the park on their own and back together. Then trips to the shop (he is allowed to get one thing for himself and his brother along with my list- so massive incentive to get an ice cream or two!) Then to school with a friend. Now he can go and come from school on his own. There’s a tennis centre a 7-8 mins walk away and so the next step will be going off for his lessons and coming back on his own. This feels like a big step because DH and I have always sat on the sides for their lessons/chatted to the coach afterwards so although it’s a shorter distance than school, it feels in my head like a bigger deal.

It’s all about practice . Take him on the bus route , take him to a nearby town and give him an hour to wander round with a friend while you have a coffee and wait . He will mature a bit in that year , especially if his school do residential trips in year 6 . Mine both started during covid so had limited chances to mature - but they did just get on with it . My elder had quite a walk to school but he did it despite being nervous and they rapidly get used to it

It’s good that you’ve recognised that he’s a bit babied, and a year is long enough to build good independence.

What I will say though is - try and resist the temptation to make the phone a big safety factor. It’s actually a risk factor as it makes them a target.

Focus on him doing stuff as if he has no phone. That way if he needs to he can phone, but if the battery is dead or he has no signal he knows what to do.

My DD (11) and friends were at a thing in town last week and there was no phone signal (where we live everyone tends to go with vodaphone as they are the only reliable signal, but means when they go down everyone is goosed) and only two of the girls knew how to contact their parents without their phones. One girl was so freaked out she had a panic attack.

Is there anywhere en route to the shops that could be a meeting point for you to start off him going part of the way solo?

Thanks that's really interesting!
The chores list, yes he'd be fine with those and I do insist on him helping out.
He'll stay at home alone for an hour max and is confident.
He'll happily walk around our housing estate and play out if he has somebody to play with.
He will walk himself into school once we drop him (although school policies aren't really helpful with this)
On holiday he was able to explore the airport then come back to an agreed base or pop to a shop a couple of doors down whilst I was in the cafe.
What I lack are places to send him to that are 5-10 minutes away to build up. But I'll have to start getting creative 😊

although school policies aren't really helpful with this

Do keep in mind schools cannot enforce “not allowed to walk alone” policies.

It’s a parental decision, not a school one.

In 20 years of working in primary schools only on one occasion did a school not back down when a parent stated their child was to walk home alone and that was because of other safeguarding concerns.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings more to think about. I'm reliant on my phone too and would struggle to be able to contact somebody without it. When I leave him at home on his own then we go through various "what if?" Scenarios so I suppose we'd do the same when practising travelling.

I think he can in year 6 so am expecting to have to sign something when he gets back.

Thank you everybody who took the time to reply to this, it's been really useful.

My run through with Dd before school goes back is always -

What will you do if the bus doesn’t turn up?
what if you lose your bus pass/cash?
What will you do if your phone is dead?

Dd luckily can remember mine, DH and MiL’s number. DS has the numbers written in the back of his homework diary.

They know their alternative routes home and have £5 (the cost if they lose their pass) in their bags and if that gets spent there is a massive sanction (only happened once) as it’s a safety feature, not their cash.

The main thing is traffic and other kids. that’s the two problem areas imo.

Legally he can whenever you want him to. Generally schools hope to get to Y6 before they have to though.

My children loved it when I first let them go to the 15-20 minutes walk away shops. So I'd sell it as adventure/treat, maybe?

Does he have local (walking/cycling distance) friends? Playing out is something that can also grow organically (they start very near to your house and gradually you let them go further and further afield).

Are there other students from your area who go to the same school? Not necessarily from your bus stop, but getting the same two busses? Because if so that's really helpful if there's a problem e.g. a bus not showing up, because very likely your DS can copy what the older pupils do (most likely sit and wait for the next one, or walk if it's a reasonably short distance).

I know the older students may seem big and intimidating, but the vast majority of 14-15yos will see an 11yo in their school uniform who looks a bit lost at the bus stop, and ask if they are okay, or similar.

Do any of your friends have children at the school?

At our city primary they all start walking solo in yr5. In Yr7 vast numbers of DC navigate two buses.
He'll grow up a lot in yr6 but you need to nudge him to also & change expectations