Year 10 - 2023/2024 Support Thread

[QueenMabby]

Hi all

A new thread for those needing support (or just wanting to chat or rant!) with teens heading into their GCSE years.

We don't have work experience in our school til L6th and then it's a suggestion to do something over the summer holidays. It must be a nightmare to try and find something useful for a 14/15 year old.

@QueenMabby well done to both your children - huge achievement on the maths! DD2 has her maths tests back - all more than fine - a relief given she's moved school from state to independent and wondered whether she hadn't been taught the same things. Science to go now so we had a half term of learning equations. New school really doesn't seem to test very much, which is weird as we're used to constant assessments.

@icanbewhatiwant it is really hard to find work experience if you haven't got family or friends in the right areas, which seems very unfair. The younger the child in the year the harder it is as well - DD1 was still very much 14.. Local libraries can be a good source of work experience if school isn't the best option - friends of hers very much enjoyed that one?

Well done to your DCs @QueenMabby on the maths, that's great!

@icanbewhatiwant sounds like your DS is a perfectionist, hope he did well in his French and Business studies! Mine are happy when they do well but otherwise happy to just be average...hhhmm not sure that's the best way but that's their mind set it seems.

We had a DofE talk yesterday at school about the bronze award which they didn't do last year for some reason, so this year I think I'm signing up for both my DCs year 9 and 10. Sounds like fun. The volunteering bit sounds hard to arrange, especially for a 13yr old. The school said even cooking at home can be counted as volunteering, which I was surprised about, that's too easy isn't it?!

@DataColour - does your younger dd do something like scouts or a sports club? Sometimes going a bit early and "helping" with the younger ones is a good way of getting it in.

Neither of mine has ever been interested in DofE despite the fact that ds spends hours helping to coach the younger children at his sports club!

She gave up scouts recently! She has expressed an interest in volunteering at the petting farm in the local park, so need to investigate. She is socially quite an introvert, doesn't like being with other people much apart from very close friends, so it's difficult for her to get into situations like volunteering to help out in group situations. She does go to bouldering and running clubs so will look into that, thanks.
DS is not that keen on DofE either, but I think his friends will be doing it so he might go along with it. Again, it's the volunteering that will be challenging to find as the skills and physical sections will be easy for him, and for DD.

@DataColour there was definitely someone on one of the Mumsnet music threads whose DS had managed to do his volunteering online for DofE - some kind of research thing - if that would be an option?

I know it's difficult. One of mine did the local library for silver and the church coffee rota for bronze. The other (for bronze) either played cello for church or did church set up- putting the chairs out - every week. The online option might be easier for an introvert I guess.

Not sure how DD2 will manage silver, which she's signed up for - she's at school 114 miles from home and every minute seems to be timetabled except the two days a week she gets to go to tesco after school before coming back to do her homework! I guess the school is used to this though so I look forward to seeing how they handle it.

My daughter did litter picking for her Duke of Edinburgh bronze. We got some litter picking packs from the local authority and then for 13 Saturdays we went out to different areas and did some litter picking for an hour. I joined in and quite enjoyed it! Very satisfying.

Ds1 wished he'd done D of E. Ds2 just did the bronze. He helped coach a group of ds3's age group at football several years ago now. I know ds3 won't be interested as he wouldn't want to go on the walks and camp, he hates flies and bugs. In the summer evenings he will walk wearing long sleeves with his hood up and holding it shut so just one eye looks out if there are bugs about 🤦‍♀️ it really winds me up, but with him I have to try to ignore it, if I say anything he won't come on walks again. Odd bod of a child I have! He's meant to be a farmers son, though dh retired from farming 5 years ago, but ds3 would definitely suit city life.

@SuperSue77 I think I ruined litterpicking for both DDs during lockdown when I bought us all litter pickers and made them do an hour a day as part of their daily exercise as I figured we may as well do something useful. Not sure they've ever forgiven me - but it did at least feel like an accomplishment!

Ooof! Dd got 85% in a maths test. She was Not Happy. She might not even have been top of her class. Maybe only joint top (or even second - quelle horreur!)

Seriously though. She is able to laugh at herself to a certain extent but was genuinely taken aback by what was (to her) a bad test result. Luckily having been through the mark scheme she found a four mark question that had been marked wrong which she has actually got right so she's trotted in to school today to point out her maths teacher's error to him. Oh to be a fly on the wall!

Bless her. She has a EIGHT HOUR lesson at school this weekend for her off-timetable gcse. I've just baked her a bunch of snacks to take to share. Dh and I are off out for the day as soon as we've dropped her off!

@DataColour my dd(14) has just started her volunteering for DoE and is helping with Rainbows. She is doing this with a friend and there are two others there also so quite a number of helpers. An interesting start though as she’s needle/blood phobic and turned up last night to find a paramedic doing a needle prick test on herself. DD had to move away quickly to avoid fainting. Hopefully that is the end of that topic rather than the start!

@QueenMabby wow your DD is seriously competitive 😁! Mine will also check her papers, especially maths, and can account for every mark lost usually. I do wonder how the actual GCSEs will feel when they will never see the papers afterwards (assuming no re marks obviously).

Hope you all enjoy your weekend.

Does anyone else find the sheer number of tests/assessments/exams excessive nowadays? Rarely a week goes past in our house without either a test or the results of a test. I feel quite sorry for the kids now.

I've seen ds2's report. Not happy. Parents evening next week.

Oh no @Oblomov23. Generally not good or just some stand outs?

oh dear @Oblomov23 is it a surprise to him too?

I’m not too sure how to say this nicely @QueenMabby - watch that perfectionism as their MH can take a real hit if/when something goes wrong. It’s not just girls either, I know a number of boys who are perfectionists then had a MH nose dive. Fingers crossed not your DD but just wanted to raise it. xx

@NotDonna I know what you mean. My dh was always highly competitive at school and throughout his whole life really, but it started at senior school. He’s an absolute perfectionist and berates himself terribly if things don’t go exactly to plan. He’s very highly regarded at work- but I see the toll on his mental health. Luckily he’s aware that he must not pass that on to ds, but I do have to keep an eye out for that.

@MissyB1 its tricky because it really is intrinsic! It’s not necessarily pushy parents or a pushy school but very much themselves.

Thanks @NotDonna I do keep an eye. Fortunately she also does a lot of music including exams and competitions so she knows that no matter how well you prepare, sometimes it just doesn't go as well as you would like on the day.

She does struggle sometimes to apply that to her academic studies but she was cross about her maths performance not upset/crying etc so that was better. Once she'd been through her paper and saw that where she'd got questions wrong she hadn't even been given any working out marks she was happier - in the exam she would have got marks for the correct bits of her working out which would push her higher. She's an analytical child so once the initial teenage high drama has died down she's able to rationalise.

I agree with the pp about all the tests though. Dd has had about five this week! None today though and just physics next week but still. It's a lot. I don't remember ds having this many.

@QueenMabby - my very much not perfectionist DDs always search for extra marks when their teachers mark tests - absolutely fair that they all want their due! Mistakes always happen - my Ukrainian ward, who is doing A-Level maths, said the girl who sits next to her in maths who is an absolute genius, had been randomly predicted a C in their report. She's never got below 100 per cent in a test, so it is good to question!

Still not a lot of testing here - weird as I'm used to them getting loads of it. DD2 did pretty well in her maths test, which they have had, and has science next week. Rather more scarily she also has her 'specialists assessment' which is to see how their specialists are doing in music. As her funding comes from government this is fair enough, but I know she's worrying her.

I guess it's only baseline for her as they've only had her since mid Sept and they've told me they think she's doing 'really well' so hoping she doesn't panic too much. Going down for a concert on Monday so at least will get to see her briefly.

Just stumbled across this thread - I have a Y10 DD who is getting off to a good start this year, I think.

Re. DofE, DD started Bronze, but switched schools and missed the expedition. She has completed all the requirements, but has decided not to do the expedition and go on to Silver, and unexpectedly (for me!) I'm supporting her in this.

She has made a move from a very laid back school to a very very academic school and while she is taking it all in stride, there has been an enormous increase in workload and expectations, and just now, I am happy for her not to layer something else on top of it. She does drama and a musical instrument (both grade 6 this year) and plays in an orchestra, and the skills she learned doing Bronze (a craft and a sport) are things that she is carrying on with because she loves them.

She has very high expectations of herself, and worries a lot, and I felt that recognising that Silver would cause her anxiety was very grown up of her (and correct!). She was so surprised that I agreed she should drop it (I'm a bit of a Tiger Mom).

My DD who's in year 9 currently got her science teacher last year to give her extra marks after she made him realise that there might just be another explanation that wasn't in the marking scheme, he gave her a few more marks (probably to get her out of his class as it was lunch time!).

Yes, the tests seem relentless and even I'm tired of it, let alone DS. There's tests after every topic for each subject...argh!!

We need to start researching for the DofE volunteering , haven't had time to do it yet. Thanks for all the suggestions and experiences!

DS got into a bit of trouble this week, 30min detention. He and his friend took a year 8's shoe and ran off with it (but returned it). DS says he knew the year 8 from scouts and thought he'd take it as a joke but head of year said it could be seen as bullying so detention given, fair enough.

This week has been a stressful one and tomorrow is DD's grade 5 piano exam and she is properly stressing over it and it's been really really challenging keeping her sane over it. Can't wait for it to be over, definitely need lots of wine tomorrow night!

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

welcome @DarkAcademia - sounds like your DD has made a very sensible decision especially since she has a lot else to take in. Mine is finding moving school (and in her case from state to independent, day to boarding, no music to shedloads of it) means a lot of other things to assimilate - like the stress when you begin a new job but massively magnified.

Fortunately, she absolutely loves it, and in her case the academic expectations have not ramped up. rather the reverse, but I can see that with the music and the drama on top that's a lot to handle for your DD without Silver as well!

Hi guys, I have a DS doing Yr 10 along with Silver DofE and other bits. Just wanted to say hi, looking forward to venting on here if I need to avoid blowing up at a lazy teen. He's not really lazy but his nonchalance makes it look that way. Anyhoo just a quickie to say for volunteering, my son is doing baking for a charity that meets up once a week and serves lunch and company to elderly people. He makes a cake a week and delivers it locally. No public interaction. Thought that might appeal to your DC if she is shy or socially averse.

What does your Y10 teen's evening look like?

We had almost no homework last year, and with the school change it has gone up a LOT, which is fine, but I was just wondering.

DD gets in at 4 on a normal evening, 5/5.30 on an evening with an after school activity (they all take place AT the school, at least!), and has a snack, chills on the sofa and watches tv for a bit with sibling, and then does maybe an hour of homework. This last week or so, it has gone up to probably an hour before dinner and half an hour or so after, and I think she will probably stick with that. She goes to bed around 9 or 9.30, reads for a bit, asleep well before 10 (up at 6.45). She has taken to joining us on the sofa and knitting for a bit before she goes upstairs to bed, which is very sweet.

A lot of her friends study for a lot later into the evening, but I'm reluctant to let her do that because she still needs to sleep! Most of her friends' parents are quite full on re. study, and DD is conscious that these friends often end up getting full marks in all their tests. And then she worries that she should study more to achieve these results - while she's not WRONG exactly, I do want to balance her energy and mental health.

A friend is from South Korea and her tales of secondary school and tutoring/extra study are WILD. I don't think she slept more than 3 hours a night between the ages of 12 and 18. 😦

That's such a great volunteering activity! I love it.