Y7- 2023/24 support thread

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Hi, just dropping in a thread for those of us who have kids starting secondary this coming September. There was a lovely thread going last year and they are carrying it on into Year 8, so here is a place for us the year behind.

How is everyone feeling as they finish Primary and prepare for Secondary?

Dd is moving from a single form entry "family feel" type cosy Primary into a large 8 form entry, multiple building secondary. She's going alone, her primary class are really split up across multiple secondaries.

The transition days helped, and she is excited,but has been really sad this weke saying her goodbyes

Is everyone prepped for uniform etc?

Try Duolingo app for some free fun French phrase learning?

School have a homework club each afternoon after school and anyone who doesn't hand their homework in on time gets sent to homework club that day to complete it

Interesting! this is actually a really great policy speaking as a parent of an anxious perfectionist y7. Means they can’t dwell on it forever and will get help if it’s picked up there’s an issue.

Viking my daughter sounds similar (formerly known as) high functioning autistic, adhd diagnosis, anxiety too. They didn’t give her a locker and she didn’t even tell me they were a possibility so I think she missed the memo on that somehow. She is complaining about the heavy bag into which she packs everything. I have had to stop her packing for subjects she didn’t even have that day ‘in case they change the timetable’
I find it stressful how there is a lot of emphasis on self reliance and self organisation on the kids which is really great for those kids who can rise to it but very hard for those that struggle in some areas. I’m trying to fill in the gaps for her feeling like I never know the full picture of expectations.

Dd saying the 2 boys trying to knock her shoe off again this week.
its obviously bullying but currently not serious.
i think what is interesting is the fact its random kids she doesnt know. Who are targeting her, maybe being relatively alone - though a few feet from a queue of girls going in for pe changing.
she has velcro shoes...
But she is now relatively tall about 5'2 so im surprised they realise she is y7 (and spotty!)
i do wonder whether they would do this to the boys in y7? Boys enjoying 'attacking' girls. My dsis is this height as adult, would boys do this if they were able to get away with it. Personally i would be much harsher on this than the things ive heard other kids get in trouble for
This seems to be between lessons.
hate to say it but she can be quite violent (not at school). So im worried they might set her off. And i wouldnt fancy their chances even 2 of them and bigger. She but her sister badly over the summer . I think its because she doesnt feel pain herself so doesnt see why others do.
Friends at other secondary seem to be issues too - the 2 of them called asd. I dont think one is though, neither diagnosed. Maybe we dont need to wait 2 years for diagnosis clearly the other kids can ID them in well i would say 5w but certainly in dd case it must be minutes!

@Busornobus67 That sounds very upsetting. Your child should feel safe at school. I'd definitely speak to the school about it. If it's happening at a certain time/place, they should be able to put measures in place to stop this.

Maybe we dont need to wait 2 years for diagnosis clearly the other kids can ID them in well i would say 5w but certainly in dd case it must be minutes!

Yep, they can. Other kids are so finely attuned to “different”.

I saw a post on social media recently that said “How come I didn’t get diagnosed with autism until I was an adult, when the school bullies diagnosed me straight away?”

Oh your last paragraph describes my DD1 very well. Us as parents and the school missed it for years but it seems the kids at both her secondary and primary didn't.

It says a lot about MY life that’s for sure!

That’s why I was so determined to get my daughter (now in year 7) diagnosed at 9. Even my own family disagreed.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t still have struggles though. Masking is exhausting, having to travel to school on the bus is exhausting, she loathes PE, and she has just decided not to go to the Halloween disco. I won’t force her (and I understand why she doesn’t want to go) but I still wish she’d go to the disco and find a few misfits to hang out with.

Hope everyone's DC are starting to settle in and find their feet.
DD had raft racing this afternoon and said she was shouting at the boys because they weren't paddling correctly so she started chanting to get them to paddle in rhythm. Safe to say I think she is finding her feet and confidence is growing!
Nearly half term which is unbelievable as the first few weeks seemed so long. I'm starting to relax more as well now I know she's settling.

DD is settling in sllooooooowly. But she is getting there. It’s been a long half term though.

My poor grandson is still really struggling. He was ok in primary; asd was mooted, but nothing was done as he was coping so well. He just seems to have fallen apart, and it's so hard to watch.
He's struggling with PE terribly; they've started off with tackling in rugby. He's really little, and just doesn't understand why they should be made to inflict harm on eachother, which seems to be what is happening in a lot of cases.
He's also completely overwhelmed by the corridors, so is being given a pass to change lessons a couple of minutes early, and the senco has recommended special ear buds to reduce peripheral noise.
He totally refused to go in last Thursday, and didn't go in till 10am today. His mum has managed to get him counselling which starts Saturday, which is good.
It's just so hard to see the child who was performing in his year six play in July, now become this nervous wreck only 3 months later. I keep advising him to look out for other kids on the sidelines, but he says they all seem to have friends now.

I’m really sorry to read this.
DS is at a very rugby focussed school, a lot of his coaches are ex England players. Even so I emailed and said I’m happy for him to participate but he must play touch only, he isn’t allowed to do contact. They have honoured it. Scared of getting sued I’m sure!
He’s in the bottom group and hasn’t been asked to do contact. He doesn’t care, he hates rugby and has the confidence to shrug off any comments.
I would be talking to the school about PE options.

My daughter-in-law has spoken to the school, but the messages don't seem to be getting through from pastoral care to the PE teacher, although he sat out yesterday and wasn't told off.
He said if he went down a set he wouldn't have had to play rugby, but ironically, he's quite good at sport (just not rugby or football), and got moved up a week or so ago.
With all the publicity about the damage rugby and football causes to players, I'm baffled that they let them tackle at all

@lovepets so sorry to hear he is still struggling. DDs school is also heavily into rugby and they tackle etc but not sure whether it would be worth speaking to the games teacher to find out if he could do non-contact?

One of DS games teachers is in a class action lawsuit against the Rugby Union because of his head injuries which have caused life altering damage!
We know 2 people personally who were keen rugby players in their youth and now have motor neurone. DS has orthodontic problems and is currently having treatment, although he has a gumshield it just isn’t worth the risk. He can give up rugby in year 9 thankfully.

My poor grandson is still really struggling. He was ok in primary; asd was mooted, but nothing was done as he was coping so well. He just seems to have fallen apart, and it's so hard to watch.

Your poor grandson @lovepets. If I had a pound every time I heard about a child whose autistic traits were brushed aside because they were “doing fine at school” only to have them fall apart at secondary, I’d be rich.

My advice? Get the ball rolling ASAP. Secondary is so often the point at which mental health falls apart for autistic kids. Also have a meeting with the SENCO to talk about support.

Thank you @Jellycats4life . My daughter in law has started the process with school already. She and my son are looking at getting him diagnosed privately, but are unsure which private assessments are accepted. It's all such a minefield if you've not had previous experience. If you get a private diagnosis, does that expedite the EHCP process in any way?

@lovepets in theory EHCPs etc should be based on needs, not diagnosis, so honestly, you could start the ball rolling on that one given how long it all takes. They will almost certainly refuse to assess, then you appeal, most appeals win at this stage, then at least then have to agrees to assess. (DD had a diagnosis when I applied, they still refused to assess! We appealed, it didn't even get to tribunal before they conceeded.) Gather as much evidence as you can all the time, letters from counselling, appointments etc etc. Keep copies of anything and everything.

Sorry, @HalfasleepChrisintheMorning, I missed this. That's awful! And yet children are still be exposed to this! I don't understand why they can't play tag rugby, or have after school rugby training for those who want to play. I'm sorry about your friends, it's such an awful disease

The EHCP process is a nightmare @lovepets but do bear in mind that schools can, and should, implement SEN support for kids without EHCPs.

They can be put on the SEN register (arguably a diagnosis would trigger this but a sympathetic SENCO should do it for an undiagnosed child) which then results in termly One Plan meetings with parents/carers.

In the short term it’s probably best not to even worry about ECHPs, just make sure the school acknowledge he had SEN and put some strategies in place.

@lovepets my DD's EHCP application went in before her diagnosis, but she got the diagnosis before it was issued. It shouldn't actually make a difference as support is based on needs but as DD is my younger child and still in primary I wanted the diagnosis on there so she can access the bases if it turns out she needs that when she reaches high school.
My DS (the one in year 7) does seem to have been struggling this last week, I don't think he has ASD though it's a possibility as half the family do. Think he's just exhausted. We had tears this morning as he's managed to misplace an exercise book and will get a detention (though I'm sure the book must be at school as we've turned the house upside down looking for it and he walks home so not really any options to have left it somewhere en route).

Thank you @ElvenDreamer, I shall pass this on to my ddil. I know she is keeping records of everything she's doing for him

To be fair, @Jellycats4life, the senco has been really good, and is putting things in place for him, he just is so overwhelmed and exhausted, he's struggling to see the wood for the trees. Hopefully, he can get plenty of rest over half term, and things will improve . He is on the SEND register.
@Jules912, it's a nightmare isn't it? There is just so much for them to learn to manage, it's not surprising things get misplaced

It’s a difficult time regardless of whether they’re adequately supported, I know @lovepets

My daughter had a meltdown this weekend because she’s so tired and overwhelmed. Although that’s exacerbated by her refusal to get enough sleep and wasting most of her free time on Minecraft, admittedly 🙃

@Jellycats4life I think some of their desire to play Minecraft (how on earth do they do it; I know I'm getting on a bit, but my dgs is so fast!!!), read, go on their phones, is just escapism, so they don't have to cope with the reality of what they're going through. I know that's the case for my dgs.
Bless him, he rings me in the evening, and I say, you don't have to waste your down time ringing your old Nan, but he says it's so lovely to hear my voice and I help him relax. It breaks my heart knowing what he's going through