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Secondary education

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Original poster

Disagreement With DH On Schools To Apply For: School Commuting Distance

72 replies

roses2 · 20/07/2023 12:15

DS is Year 5 and will be applying to secondary shortly.

DH wants to send DS to private. That's fine. I think the state options near us are ok but that's his choice.

But the commute to these schools is ~1 hour. Typically. 2-3 tubes or 1 tube + bus.

DS will be navigating the journey by himself. I think this is too far and also complex as it involves a tube change. He will come home knackered each day. But it is falling on deaf ears. DH is adamant he needs to apply to these schools. His two nieces have a 1 hour commute. The parents are looking at moving so clearly the commute is an issue which DH isn't receptive to hearing yet.

What do you do when you disagree with your DH about schools? Do these schools take commute into consideration in their offers? I know St Pauls Girls specifies 50 minutes on their website but none of the boys schools mention this.

OP posts:
AsterixAndPersimmon · 20/07/2023 13:39

Namechangeforanamechange · 20/07/2023 13:30

As cocksstrideintheevening says, the commute with friends was fun. It's not isolating (in London, at least) because everyone is in the same boat and it's easy to meet up using public transport. I imagine it could be isolating if your friends were in different towns and you had to rely on mum's taxi to see them because buses are few and far between.

Fully agree there.

Also same with relying on the school bus. Some if the activities at dcs’ (private) school were finishing later and those who had to use the school bus could never chose those activities finishing later on.

At least with the Tube/Bus, they have flexibility that will be allow them to access everything offered.

PatriciaHolm · 20/07/2023 13:45

It's also worth thinking about how you would get him there in the case of tube/bus issues (or strikes!) - how manageable would the drive be if necessary?

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 20/07/2023 13:52

DD has a 90 minute each way commute.

She does extra-curricular clubs 3 days a week and external music lessons 3 evenings a week.

It works for her - it's 2 trains and a short walk - so she does her homework or watches Netflix on the train home.

But the school had very specific curriculum offers that made it the right choice for her and our nearest secondary was almost an hour journey anyway.

She's generally a bit tired first week of term and then gets back into the habit of it all. She's about to start Y10 and all her 6th form choices are a similar distance away.

We don't find it a problem for friends - the current school has a huge catchment and she has a season ticket so just goes into London at the weekend to meet up with people.

PreplexJ · 20/07/2023 13:55

"the current school has a huge catchment "

Wow 90 minutes on way!

Marisquita · 20/07/2023 13:56

If you’re in or near London (presumably - with the reference to the Tube) it does sound surprising that there are no independent schools worth considering that are less than an hour away.

YappyCamper · 20/07/2023 13:57

I did this commute as a child and as an adult I have prioritised living near my children's schools as I don't want them to experience the same.

Original poster
roses2 · 20/07/2023 14:31

no independent schools worth considering that are less than an hour away.

There are other independents but not ones that I think are worth the £. I'd rather send DS to state than pay for somewhere like Northbridge House or Maida Vale school which are within 2 miles of me and have a similar academic outcome to state. I'm in NW London Zone 2.

OP posts:
PreplexJ · 20/07/2023 14:36

roses2 · 20/07/2023 14:31

no independent schools worth considering that are less than an hour away.

There are other independents but not ones that I think are worth the £. I'd rather send DS to state than pay for somewhere like Northbridge House or Maida Vale school which are within 2 miles of me and have a similar academic outcome to state. I'm in NW London Zone 2.

I guess you meant these schools are not selective enough? All schools rely on the selection process to produce the academic outcome, there is rarely any exceptions. NW London should have a few good options for selective indepedent that is less than an hour commute.

Flyhigher · 20/07/2023 14:49

Is there a school bus? Or another private school school close by? I would go private. State schools are under resourced. Or a grammar. After year 7 the commute is not as as bad. Do they have a close friend that they can travel with?

Foxesandsquirrels · 20/07/2023 14:59

What school is your DH considering? If it's highly selective they might not even get in. I suspect they'll be one of many doing that route so I do think it's a bit unfair for you to completely say no without at least looking at it as an option. I can see why your DH is frustrated tbh.

Valleyofthedollymix · 20/07/2023 15:34

Are you not looking at Ucs, city and Highgate? All of which would be reasonable journey from nw zone 2. Or are you looking for a bigger range?

Valleyofthedollymix · 20/07/2023 15:34

Ps I had an hour journey to school and HATED it

Namechangeforanamechange · 20/07/2023 15:52

I would have thought you were spolit for choice in NW London. Westminster, City, UCS, Highgate plus schools like Habs, Merchant Taylors etc that have coach services. Or did you want somewhere a bit less academic?

It's not easy navigating the move from state to private at 11, especially if you didn't grow up in the area and know the schools.

Original poster
roses2 · 20/07/2023 16:00

We have on our list:
St Pauls (2 tubes; 1 hour)
Merchant Taylor (2 tubes; 1 hour)
City (2 tubes; 35 minutes)
UCS (1 bus; 30 minutes)

I have looked at these but discounted due to difficulty of commute:
Habs - school coach only near our house; not accessible by public transport
Highgate - 1 hour 10 min via tube & bus
Latymer - 1 hour; 3 tube lines

OP posts:
EarthlyNightshade · 20/07/2023 16:00

PatriciaHolm · 20/07/2023 13:45

It's also worth thinking about how you would get him there in the case of tube/bus issues (or strikes!) - how manageable would the drive be if necessary?

I'd be thinking of this.
Also, if DS is ill and someone needs to pick him up in the day time, will your DH be able to do that?
Is DH also prepared to step up to manage commute related issues, making sure DS leaves on time, etc. for the first while before he is able to sort himself out?

If all this is fine, and your DS is happy with the journey, then why not?

Foxesandsquirrels · 20/07/2023 16:04

roses2 · 20/07/2023 16:00

We have on our list:
St Pauls (2 tubes; 1 hour)
Merchant Taylor (2 tubes; 1 hour)
City (2 tubes; 35 minutes)
UCS (1 bus; 30 minutes)

I have looked at these but discounted due to difficulty of commute:
Habs - school coach only near our house; not accessible by public transport
Highgate - 1 hour 10 min via tube & bus
Latymer - 1 hour; 3 tube lines

Sorry which one are you opposed to then? At Paul's and merchant taylors? Latymer upper of the N9 grammar? 3 tube lined is far too much. The length of journey is less important than complexity. These are all very selective so worry about the journey once you have an offer tbh.

Original poster
roses2 · 20/07/2023 16:06

Sorry which one are you opposed to then?

The ones I have noted as "discounted". But these are the ones DH disagrees with and thinks they should also be on the list. Highgate and Latymer in particular.

And yes this all relies on DS actually getting in. He is above average but not "top set" in his current state school.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 20/07/2023 16:14

It’s a heck of a long day. I wouldn’t want my dc to do it.
Especially in winter or bad weather.
If he’s too tired to learn or absent as not well enough to travel then he won’t be getting benefit of the school anyway.

PreplexJ · 20/07/2023 16:16

Latymer upper / Highgate should be close based on the location you have, didn't realised still take an hour. Both schools should be within 45 mins travel from Maida Vale.

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 20/07/2023 16:19

Those are some very, very high calibre schools...

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 20/07/2023 16:22

By which I mean, I'm not sure I'd put a "above average but not too set" kid through the process of applying

PreplexJ · 20/07/2023 16:26

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 20/07/2023 16:22

By which I mean, I'm not sure I'd put a "above average but not too set" kid through the process of applying

I think top 30% student in the state schools with proper prep will have decent chance to get in some of these indies.

NowYouSee · 20/07/2023 16:26

Have you been tutoring him? If so what does his tutor think his chances at these schools are? You have some exceptionally competitive schools there. I don’t know much about Merchant Taylor and UCS but my experience is “above average but not “top set”” boys don’t get anywhere near the cut of St Paul’s or City. And even if they did, they would struggle to keep up.

swifterama · 20/07/2023 16:33

Latymer Upper or Latymer Grammar? If you're looking at St Paul's, Latymer Upper is pretty much the same journey or shorter.

Marisquita · 20/07/2023 17:55

NowYouSee · 20/07/2023 16:26

Have you been tutoring him? If so what does his tutor think his chances at these schools are? You have some exceptionally competitive schools there. I don’t know much about Merchant Taylor and UCS but my experience is “above average but not “top set”” boys don’t get anywhere near the cut of St Paul’s or City. And even if they did, they would struggle to keep up.

Agreed. We are in N London Zone 2 as well. We moved DS at 10+, but of those who stayed at his “outstanding” state primary and took 11+ with tutoring in 2022/2023, not one child even got an interview at UCS, City or Highgate.