Is DS's lack of motivation with A levels normal?

[MerryMarigold]

Just finishing Y12. Dire mock results (B,D,E). He does do some schoolwork, but I wouldn't say he works hard - he will look up answers and he maybe puts in 1 hour a day at most. He doesn't go out, he doesn't work, so he has time to put in extra work but he doesn't. He mostly plays Fifa, or watches stuff on Netflix. He just doesn't seem motivated or interested in what he's chosen, and chose subjects he's always struggled with because he thought they were 'useful'! The subject he got the B in is something he enjoys and is 'easier' than Maths and Physics. I can't relate. I did subjects I enjoyed and was good at. He is convinced he is not 'talented' and seems to want to be one of those people who gets a B with minimum effort and an A* with some effort. Realistically for him, he can get a C with a LOT of work. I can see why he's not that motivated.

I don't know where to go from here. He is ND, not fully diagnosed (he has an ADHD diagnosis, but I think he shows more ASD symptoms to be honest). He did not want to go to college to do something maybe more suited to him because he did not like the travel (it was about 1.5 hours each way) nor the 'difference'. Staying at school was simple and he knows it well/ knew the people etc.

I have got him some tutoring for the Maths, which he said he wanted after the E grade, but he is dragging his feet over it (eg. logging in 5 mins late, not really wanting to do it), and I resent that when I am paying a lot for it.

What can I do to help him? What are the options? I am dreading Y13 and the amount of stress/ damage to his self esteem.

@CornishGem1975 but it also sounds like he needs a break from it to re-assess what he wants to do.

@ReleasetheCrackHen , he was diagnosed in Y3 and is now Y12. He isn't 'classic' ADHD, was diagnosed on the inattentive side but definitely tries his best to focus in school so it's not really been picked up on as an issue since he was very young. He does get very tired and overwhelmed by the end of a school day and with GCSE revision at kept it at 1 hr then breaks. He gets extra time but I'm not sure on what basis, need to ask school, I think it's processing and writing speed. I think he's quite complex and I'm not 100% convinced it's just ADHD, as the ASD traits seem strong plus possibly dyslexia and definitely dyspraxia - so I guess I don't want to push ADHD medication.

@crazycrofter thanks for sharing your experience. It's great to hear how other parents are handling similar issues.

Also bear in mind that medication isn’t the answer for everyone - ds felt very low when using it so he refused to. Unfortunately he’s classic ADHD and really struggles to focus, unless it’s one of his obsessions.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow thanks for your input on the design side. I asked DS what he likes specifically about Product Design and he said "the design bit." So, he's in this place where he could do well in Product Design but should he continue with Maths and Physics just to get the PD one? Or should he start again. What course do you think would be good - to pursue design and combine that with passion for cars. It really is his passion, he knows so much about them.

Probably DT. Physics maybe, or engineering?

@MerryMarigold where do you live? A UTC (university technical college - specialist schools from 14-19 year olds) might be a better environment for him. There is one at Silverstone (Northamptonshire) which is based around the car industry.

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Surely, it’s worth trying ADHD medication as fatigue is very common when people struggle to focus and concentrate on retaining the information they are reading or listening to? I totally get the pp where her DS tried it and it affected his mood so it wasn’t for him in the end but at least he tried it. Pushing medication would be insisting on medication regardless of side effects.

It really does sound like he’d be better on a more work focused course.
If he’s set on industry can he look
on every car manufacturer for apprenticeships.
Would he be capable of living alone? I know someone whose 16 yr old got an apprenticeship several hours from home and lived in a digs set up with other apprentices Mon to Fri.

Here are some examples of things he's done spontaneously (I took pics because they amused me). These were when he was around 10-12.

• his bedroom design at 10yo, I did not help with wall colors, he wanted graffiti so I found some wallpapers and he chose
• desk arrangement whilst tidying his room, love the use of McD salt sachets
• a sculpture which suddenly appeared on his wall using items he found in his pocket - asthma pump, Blu tack and an inhaler!

Thanks. Yes his friend goes there and he considered it but it's a very long way.

Is he good at art? Honestly DT is the way to go. Could he go and do a diploma in art and design or graphics?

I have an ASD Dd. Despite being clever she couldn’t cope with the pressure of A levels.

Weve totally shifted direction and she’s applied to a much less stressful diploma in art. It’s all continuous assessment.

It will get her into any of the uni’s that do do art and design. She was redbrick material but we’ve had to adjust everything to accommodate her ASD.

He's not good at traditional art - drawing and painting. Translating eye to hand isn't easy for him. Much better with photography or 'arranging'. I think a creative route would use his skills. He's desperate to be good at Maths like Dad and little bro but... Maybe he's more like his Mum. It's just helping him to see that and to value it.

Could he do a photography diploma? They have one at my local college.

Drawing and painting isn’t for everyone, but design isn’t really drawing and painting. He could do graphics ( mainly on computer) and teachers rendering skills. Or 3D design. Design is just about the ability to communicate ideas, they don’t have to be perfect drawings. I once taught a girl who couldn’t draw for toffee. She still got a B and went onto a design course.

This is at my local college. People get so sniffy about A levels. But it doesn’t matter what route you choose.

@MerryMarigold what a shame you don’t live closer to Silverstone 🙁
(there should be more UTCs in my humble opinion!)

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow , thanks. I really appreciate the advice. Have started looking at these types of diplomas, think he'd love it if he could see where it can go.

There's a UTC not too far from us but seems to just offer A levels and an engineering course!

And they teach the Maths or whatever as part of a degree.

My friend did weaving. They had to have proper Maths lessons on her degree!

Wow, who would've thought Maths and weaving! I guess it's in the planning.

I know! It’s very mathematical!

Let us know how he gets on

Thanks. We're having a meeting with school early September.

@MerryMarigold another thing, I have a friend whose son did Maths, Physics and DT. He wanted to get on a higher apprenticeship with JLR or something like that. He only had a 7 in Maths. In the end he had to give up the Maths A Level, he got an E in Physics and an A in DT. It wasn't enough for an apprenticeship, so he ended up in the armed forces. I'm sure he'll get where he wants to be in the end, but his mum wished he'd done an engineering BTEC instead.