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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Has anyone had a DC go into year 7 knowing no one else?

41 replies

listsandbudgets · 12/05/2023 14:07

This will happen to DS. It's obviously not what we wanted but it's how it's ended up. At least he has a school place.

He's really nervous about it as presumably lots of them will know each other from primary school.

Reassuring stories please and also any hints and ideas to help especially as he was bullied in primaryt. I've told him he'll make friends quickly enough but he's not convinced.

OP posts:

TrueScrumptious · 12/05/2023 14:09

Yes, both my DC. It’s quite common where I live.

Staplesonstamps · 12/05/2023 14:10

Two of my three children went to a different secondary schools than their peers from primary.

It was fine, secondaries take children from loads of different primaries and often those that came from the same school aren’t even in the same tutor group or classes. They make new friends really quickly even though they think they won’t.

morethanthisprovinciallife · 12/05/2023 14:14

This happened to my son. He met 3 boys whilst doing an introduction day at the senior school before the summer holidays. They are all 18 now and still firm friends.

Bobbyelvis4ever · 12/05/2023 14:14

This was me 30-odd years ago. I'm still super close with people I met that first week.

And when I started uni, I had no nerves about knowing no-one. After all, I'd done it at 11.

Lifeisnotabedofroses · 12/05/2023 14:16

Yes my son and he’d experienced low level bullying previously for being bright. He’s now 24 and has a really good set of friends from secondary school. It did take time, he wasn’t miserable but acquaintances are different to friends and it took a while to establish good friendships.

Doublechins · 12/05/2023 14:18

Yes both of my elder children had this. My eldest really struggled and I actually ended up moving him to a different school. DS2 made nee friends really quickly. Think it depends on the personality of the child to how well they'll cope.

AllOrNothingSituation · 12/05/2023 14:19

Yea it will be the same for us

DecentPleasant · 12/05/2023 14:19

Mine loved it - reinvented themselves. The school had a special briefing for new starters who didn’t know anyone - there were about 40 students there! So much shifts after primary that even those people starting with a crowd of mates might not stick with them. I do think it’s helpful to have met a couple of friendly faces beforehand because that very first morning of hanging around/not knowing where to go can be quite emotional. Also good schools have a decent induction programme to support these situations.

Radiatorvalves · 12/05/2023 14:22

DS went to à school at the last minute. Literally 2 days notice so straight into it. And it was joining a school in year 7 which had a junior school so loads of existing friendships. Daunting but he was fine. I think the school worked hard to integrate him.

CeliaNorth · 12/05/2023 14:23

I didn't know anyone when I started secondary school. Some of the others did know each other from primary, but they weren't necessarily friends, and friendship groups rearranged themselves anyway.

My top tip would be to be friendly to everyone, but don't worry too much if it takes a bit of time to find his real tribe. I did make friends, but I didn't meet the girl who was going to become one of my closest friends until near the end of first year/yr7. We were in different forms and got talking in the playground one lunchtime. We were in the same form the following year, and were part of a big friendship group across two forms.

dogfoodonmysocks · 12/05/2023 14:33

This was me too many years ago! And I was a shy awkward nerd but I was fine!

The teachers paired me up with another kid who was in same position but we didn't get on, I don't think forcing friendships like that tends to work. However on my first day I met the person who is still my best friend today! Yes people initially hung around with others from their primary but by the end of year 7 all the groups had shifted. Definitely nothing to worry about!

puffyisgood · 12/05/2023 14:50

yes, it happens all the time. used to happen even more often when there was a nationwide grammar/modern school system.

Swimmum1206 · 12/05/2023 15:09

Yes DS started secondary and didn't know anyone. The school had a special afternoon for those that wouldn't know anyone. He also made a couple of contacts at the introduction day and met up with them during the summer holidays. There are a couple of main feeder schools, but the secondary school makes sure that the children from those schools are split into different forms.

He's now in Y12 and has a really good group of friends.

UsingChangeofName · 12/05/2023 15:37

Not my dc, but me !
I'm still friends with my secondary school friends, 40 years after we left.

All of my dc went to schools where there weren't very many at all that moved to the same secondary school, and the school deliberately split up people from the same Primary into different forms, so that everyone was starting Yr 7 in classes where the pupils didn't know each other and weren't in groups which might then exclude others. It is very normal. Even where dc do move up with some friends, friendship groups commonly change at secondary school.
My dc 3 moved up with 2 friends and they all started off walking to school together, but - without any falling outs - they drifted apart and the close friendship group she left Yr 11 with were all people who had gone to different Primary schools.

crazycrofter · 12/05/2023 15:58

Yes, both my children did (different schools to each as well). Ds went from home ed to a grammar school where he knew no one; dd went from a primary to an independent girls school, whilst all her classmates went to one of about 3 local comprehensives.

They both made friends quickly. It also gave them both the confidence to move again for sixth form - dd knew one girl (who hadn't been her friend) at her new sixth form, ds knew no one. They're both very confident and adaptable.

It can be easier when you know no one - if you know a few people you're tempted to stick with them, even if there are others who might be a better fit for you. It's a completely fresh start if you know no one and you can assess the lie of the land, work out who are your types without the pressure of having to stick with people you know.

Interestingly, knowing one girl at the new sixth form actually hindered dd. She started off the year hanging out with her and 3 friends the girl had made, until Oct half term, when she realised they were a bit bitchy and she really didn't want to be friends with them. Distancing herself and making new friends was a bit stressful, although she got there within half a term. She'd have been better off knowing no one.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/05/2023 16:01

Happened to me. Made some wonderful friends, still close now at 40.

Dc1 is starting in September and knows nobody. We had a Parent Meeting two days ago and the teacher who is in charge of transition said they keep a close eye on the ones who come alone during the transition days and make sure to step in and buddy some up if needed.

trulyunruly01 · 12/05/2023 16:36

Yes, my dd. We moved from central London to the countryside in the summer between primary and secondary. As well as not knowing anybody, she had to get a bus 8 miles to school.
There were a few tears on the first day.....ME, not her, as I watched her get on the bus.
Some of the friends she met that first day were here last night, they all had a bbq in my garden, now aged 22/23.

Theos · 12/05/2023 16:39

@listsandbudgets i was head of y7 for many years. Please don’t worry. They’ve made new friends within an hour

Okunevo · 12/05/2023 16:47

DS did as we moved to the UK, he went to a local primary for the last term of year 6 in the town we were temporarily staying, then a secondary in the next town over where we moved to. He had previously moved schools for year 5 knowing only one child in the year above so was used to it.

BaskeyDownSoeMa · 12/05/2023 17:10

@listsandbudgets yes both my sons. Ds1 is at uni and still meets up with the friends he made in the first few weeks of year 7 when everyone is home, Ds2 made friends too, has the same friendship group since year 7 and they are in sixth form together.

Check with the school what they do to facilitate those who come from non-feeder schools. At my sons' school they have the usual transition day in July where all the year 6s in their current uniform spend the day in their new form with their new teacher at the secondary. Then there was a morning, again in July specifically for the non-feeder school children, they went off and did some activities together, the parents were told that there is a week of summer stuff for these children just to help with the whole familiar face bit. School deliberately organise an activity day in September where they break up any groups of same primary school children to give them all the opportunity to make friends with other people. Sometime friendship groups from primary can be quite toxic.

Remember that at primary these children were usually in a class of 30, possibly a 2 or 3 form entry. Now they are in a secondary with hundreds of children in their year to be potential friends with. Get him to join some lunch time clubs or after school ones, gives him somewhere to go and maybe make friends there too. Secondary is an exciting time, children are looking for new friends too.

Todayiamlexie · 12/05/2023 17:12

Yes, ds2, and he was absolutely fine. The first few weeks are a bonding experience anyway, as they find their way around the school.

TheAirbender · 12/05/2023 17:16

Yes - my DS, we moved to the UK from the country of his birth in the summer before secondary. He’s doing just fine and enjoying school. One thing that I think helped is that he joined Scouts and a rugby team too - that’s given him a supply of ‘out of school’ mates too.

sydenhamhiller · 12/05/2023 22:59

Yes. All 3 of mine. We totally spin it as a chance to make new friends in addition to the old ones.

DS (now in 1st year of uni). Rocky time in primary (bullied in y3/4). Only one from his primary to secondary.
Dd1 in y12- most girls went to one school in y7, she went to another. She chose to move to different school for 6th form too to have another chance to reinvent herself.
dd2 is only 10 and in y6. Her friends are going to about 4 different secondaries. As a class, probably about 8 or 9 different secondaries.

Kids are much better at change than we are. Best of luck to your DS.

Youdoyoubabe · 12/05/2023 23:01

Yeah we schlepped our kids round loads of schools

Fireyflies · 12/05/2023 23:05

DS did that because we'd had to move out of catchment so he couldn't go where all his mates went.

He also broke his arm a week before term and couldn't write. I called the school to see what help they could provide and they said he could get a friend to write for him. I almost cried saying "her hasn't got any friends"

But he made a friend in the first day. They have been inseparable ever since and now live in a house together. So it all worked out fine.

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