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Secondary education

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Original poster

Am I weird to ask about the screen time setting of the school iPad?

38 replies

CCCT · 13/03/2023 18:32

Hi all,

Re: the screen time function was being deactivated in the school iPad.

At the beginning of the school year, I am sure this function could be turned on and I set the downtime from 10pm.

Recently my daughter told me that she can access the iPad after 10pm. Therefore, yesterday night, I asked in the parent group for the settings of their daughters'.

Today, my daughter came home and she told me that, all her classmates said I am a weirdo?!

I do not understand... why asking the settings of the screen time of a school iPad is weird?

For year 7 students, is it unreasonable to check her screen time?

Please let me know if I shouldn't ask this.

Thanks
CCCT

OP posts:
TwilightSilhouette · 13/03/2023 18:34

I suspect it’s because in Year 7 you should just tell your daughter when she is and isn’t allowed on the iPad and she should follow those instructions.

Original poster
CCCT · 13/03/2023 18:48

so, you mean, starting from year 7
11 years old, it’s abnormal for me to check her screen time ? Oh, I don’t see that…. 😞

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 13/03/2023 18:52

Easiest way is to confiscate the tablet at whatever time you deem appropriate.

piscesangel · 13/03/2023 18:54

No I'm not sure that's the point - more that at that age you should just be setting the rules and enforcing them with your daughter personally rather than needing to use the 'screen time' function? So for eg the later evening use if you don't want her using it after 10pm just take it away at that time?

CatJumperTwat · 13/03/2023 18:54

So at least one of their parents has told their kid that you turn off your daughter's iPad at night, presumably in a negative way? I would stop sharing anything in that group.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 13/03/2023 19:18

I think it's strange to ask other parents. Your house, your rules. Doesn't matter what they are doing. Tell your daughter she has to leave the iPad downstairs?

Original poster
CCCT · 13/03/2023 19:20

actually my daughter gave me her phone & iPad at 10pm every night after we discovered that the “screen time deactivated ” thing.

however, I was a bit sad , of hearing what my daughter told me that I am weird from her classmates’ mouths.
i just asked in the parent group about the settings, and I didn’t say anything about setting screen time.
thanks all for your reply.

OP posts:
amidsummernightsdream · 13/03/2023 19:24

I thought you were going to say primary age. I think in year 7 that would be embarrassing for her. Not the time limit itself but messaging other parents about a relatively trivial non issue. By all means set rules in your own house but I think the messages on the group have made you seem over involved

Original poster
CCCT · 13/03/2023 19:34

Yes
I’ve learned my lesson
no asking in the parent group
thanks all for your advice

OP posts:
Anewuser · 13/03/2023 19:36

That’s your daughter talking not the parents.

Children use the word ‘weird’.

redskylight · 13/03/2023 19:39

Anewuser · 13/03/2023 19:36

That’s your daughter talking not the parents.

Children use the word ‘weird’.

Well it's probably the other children reacting what their parents have told them.

OP - I agree with the others. This sort of thing is embarrassing when you that age. Also, if it's a school iPad, don't the school lock them down?

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 13/03/2023 19:45

People have different rules. Nothing wrong with having a set rule for your own children. And maybe it's not weird to ask your friend what your rules are, but asking all the other parents what their rules are, is a bit weird for me. So does that mean you change your own rule according to what other parents do?

Original poster
CCCT · 13/03/2023 19:53

um..,
let me clarify

I did not ask the other parents on how they set the screen time for their daughters.

actually, I found that the screen time function is being deactivated (GREY). But when I checked my daughter’s iPhone, the screen time function was not greyish.
I wonder if there is anything we accidentally messed up so that that particular function was being greyed.
so I asked in the parent group (with a photo showing the screen time function is grey), is it the same in their daughters iPad.
one of the parents replied me her daughter’s iPad was the same.
so I knew it must be deactivated by school then
and I said thank you to the parents.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 13/03/2023 19:55

because it is completely normal for teens and preteens to try and make their parents think they are the odd one out with perfectly standard rules

LolaSmiles · 13/03/2023 19:57

So at least one of their parents has told their kid that you turn off your daughter's iPad at night, presumably in a negative way? I would stop sharing anything in that group
Same here. I can't stand parents who seem to think they need to share the details of other children and parental conversations with their children.
It screams I'm not like the other parents. I'm a cool parent.

veryverybored · 13/03/2023 20:00

Our Y7 parents chat was full of that sort of question and lots of people asking advice about WhatsApp, TikTok etc.

MargaretThursday · 13/03/2023 21:00

CatJumperTwat · 13/03/2023 18:54

So at least one of their parents has told their kid that you turn off your daughter's iPad at night, presumably in a negative way? I would stop sharing anything in that group.

At least as likely at least one other parent has gone:
"Oh heck, I assumed it would have a cut off time, dd/ds can I see your iPad to check." <checks> Ds/dd asks why they want to know etc.

I'd rather they left it to parents to set it and enforce it. I wouldn't want it so I couldn't change it at all. My dc have a cut off for internet, earlier than 10pm, but there are times when they have come down and said that they're working on something can they have an extra half an hour. Or something happened earlier (like internet going down) and they need to get something finished.
My dc work better with a late night than an early morning, and I would want to have that choice in such circumstances.

Dodgeitornot · 13/03/2023 21:39

I think what you did is perfectly normal. I'd have assumed the school iPad has a preset time limit and would want to check this with other parents in case my DD has changed it or there's something I need to know.
I think it's strange the parents have shared this with their daughters. They sound very bitchy.

Original poster
CCCT · 13/03/2023 22:55

I hope, the words “weird “ only come from the teens , and not from their parents.

and a lesson for me, I should not seek help from that group

OP posts:
Dodgeitornot · 13/03/2023 22:59

@CCCT Yh it's a bit weird that a bunch of them told your DD that you're weird. Even if their parents didn't say that, they don't sound like kind kids and it's strange that more than one mentioned it.
I stand by the fact it's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask other parents. In fact that's the sort of things those groups are for.

DelurkingAJ · 13/03/2023 23:04

Honestly, my guess is that you’ve embarrassed another parent and made them question their own decision (or lack of it) and they’ve therefore sneered about it openly. The kind of person who does this is likely to have sneering DC. I suggest this because I’m aware of at least one Mum of a Y5 who has laughed to other parents (and probably her DC as she has form for this) about how we’re babying DS (said generally of the third of the class) because he doesn’t have a smartphone like her (oh so very trendy) 9 year olds.

Original poster
CCCT · 13/03/2023 23:38

I believe I didn’t embarrass the other parents.

as we are all new to that school from sep2022, starting of year 7.

I had only asked 2-3 questions in the parent group , all related to school stuffs. 🤔

OP posts:
Dodgeitornot · 13/03/2023 23:45

Well you don't know that OP. Embarrass may be the wrong word but there are lots of parents who would sneer at that comment and probably follow with asking their own daughter who's mum that is. There was a thread on here a couple of months ago, a mum was asking for advice on how to introduce screens for when her Y6 DD joins secondary school. The hate and sneering she got was ridiculous.

I assure you, your question was not weird. What is weird is the kids knowing you asked and calling you weird. Those aren't nice friends and they don't sound like they have the nicest mums.

redskylight · 14/03/2023 07:43

I'm on a school group for my DD's year. The main thing to realise is that the views of the parents will potentially be very wide ranging depending on the intake of the school. My DD goes to a very large, diverse (in all senses of the word) comprehensive school. There is a huge range of different types of parents with different opinions and ways of doing things on the list and I absolutely can't assume that the other parents (or even the majority of parents) will share any particular view that I have. It's not like mixing with friends where you will tend to pick people with at least some crossover in views and beliefs. Consequently I'm really careful about what I write and don't offer up anything that is an opinion or a indication of my parenting values as I know some parents will take offense or be affected by it.
If your child goes to e.g. a small private school you might find that other parents are more aligned to your way of thinking.

When you asked about the parental controls you subconsciously said "hey, I'm a parent who cares about parental controls". Some parents will find it funny that you bother. Some parents will feel that you're judging them for not caring about parental controls. Some parents will feel that your are performance parenting and it will have put their back up. Other parents will take the request as you'd intended it, as simply a request for information.

Original poster
CCCT · 14/03/2023 08:59

Thanks Dodgeitornot, redskylight and all of you that provide your views , comments and thoughts.

I see your point and I understand now, I should be very careful in writing or seeking information in the parent group.

Thank you so much for all your feedback. I learned a lot .

OP posts: