How to deal with bragging mum?

[hannah78a]

There's this particular mum that keeps going on about how amazing her dc is, she seems to think her dc is the best at everything. She seems obsessed with target grades and says her DC has the highest targets in the whole school because of the amazing ks2 sats results her "genius" dc had. Now this child is in the same year group as my dc and they sit together in some of the lessons. My DC has mentioned that this DC targets for year 11 are apparently 6+ and 7- (DC seems to brag about it just like mum), so no doubt good grades but certainly not genius. DC seems to be very talented in everything else (obviosuly!), music, art, sports, which is great but mum cannot stop bragging about it and I'm just fed of listening to her. So I guess my question is how do you all deal with mums like this?

[redskydelight]

@hannah78a

There's this particular mum that keeps going on about how amazing her dc is, she seems to think her dc is the best at everything. She seems obsessed with target grades and says her DC has the highest targets in the whole school because of the amazing ks2 sats results her "genius" dc had. Now this child is in the same year group as my dc and they sit together in some of the lessons. My DC has mentioned that this DC targets for year 11 are apparently 6+ and 7- (DC seems to brag about it just like mum), so no doubt good grades but certainly not genius. DC seems to be very talented in everything else (obviosuly!), music, art, sports, which is great but mum cannot stop bragging about it and I'm just fed of listening to her. So I guess my question is how do you all deal with mums like this?

Stop talking to her if it annoys you? Unless she's a friend (sounds like not) it's generally pretty easy to avoid parents at secondary school level. Not like primary school where you are all hanging round the school playground/at school events.

Otherwise cultivate a good line in smiling and nodding and changing the conversation to discuss the weather.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Don't talk to her perhaps?!?

[Ragwort]

Smile, nod and change the subject.

In what context are you having to talk to her... do you meet often?

But you always meet people like this, I work with a Grandmother who just never stops going on and on about her 22 year old DGC or talks non stop about her cats .. I don't know which is worse.

[OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside]

There's always pushy parents I just roll my eyes and ignore them!! No point in getting stressed about it unless this child's attitude is making your child anxious and then you can contact the teachers.

[HerbalTeaAndChocolate]

Why are you involved with other parents at secondary school? Just don't hang out with her op.

[Africa2go]

Yes, cultivate your nodding & moving on tactics. There are always parents like this (once had a parent say she was asking school to move her child up a year as she "had no competition" in her own (my DC's!) year - didn't happen & actual grades didn't bear out her superior intelligence). Not sure whether its ultimate competitiveness - the parent somehow wanting to be seen as the "best" parent because their child is the most intelligent / sportiest / most popular, or just lack of social skills. Encourage your DC not to compare themselves and to deploy similar nodding and moving on strategies.

[MermaidEyes]

If you ask me mum has some insecurities about her child and is overcompensating. You have to feel sorry for the pressure the poor child is under, probably no grade will ever be good enough. You don't say what year they are. A lot can change from year 7 to 11. I would just nod, smile and ignore where possible.

[pilates]

Avoid. Where do you see her? Normally there is little contact at secondary school.

[Amuseaboosh]

@hannah78a

There's this particular mum that keeps going on about how amazing her dc is, she seems to think her dc is the best at everything. She seems obsessed with target grades and says her DC has the highest targets in the whole school because of the amazing ks2 sats results her "genius" dc had. Now this child is in the same year group as my dc and they sit together in some of the lessons. My DC has mentioned that this DC targets for year 11 are apparently 6+ and 7- (DC seems to brag about it just like mum), so no doubt good grades but certainly not genius. DC seems to be very talented in everything else (obviosuly!), music, art, sports, which is great but mum cannot stop bragging about it and I'm just fed of listening to her. So I guess my question is how do you all deal with mums like this?

How are you giving her this much headspace? Is she triggering something in you!??

Don't talk to her. That's it. To her her child is everything and more and that's ok. It doesn't take from your child in any way, just don't listen.

[Kalpatra]

I just pretend I’m watching a TV show, relax and enjoy it. I actually find people like that hilarious.

I assume they’re like that because they feel competitive with the world, but I have a pretty massive ego which makes it easier not to compete.

[Mars27]

I had one of those at primary and I avoided her like the plague. Overcompensating is the norm, usually they have a sad little life and project their insecurities in the kids who are "brilliant", "genius", etc. They are clever kids but nothing special, only to their parents, obvs.

Sometimes we'd accompany the kids on a school trip together and I always gave her such a wide berth I nearly ended up in Scotland

[WandaWonder]

I don't 'deal' with them, never met any but if I did I would treat them like other people be polite and not engage in anything too deep

I don't need to look for drama

[memyselfi]

How do your paths even cross ?
To be generous she probably isn't like this because she's happy.

[SamPoodle123]

Some mums love to brag. And some even lie or embellish greatly. I know one mum like this and I can not believe she actually lies/embellishes so much about her dc. At first I did not notice, but then little by little I started to realize she was making half of it up. Pay no attention...some people are insecure and feel the need to brag.

[Tiani4]

Bragging parents are socially inept and not 'reading the room'

Invariably the parents that brag often e agitating their DCs achievements and putting excessive pressure on their DC - just wait til exam results come out... (and they risk creating arrogant DCs)

I avoid these kind of parents - my face is very readable - fleeting eyebrow raise and brief skirts I can't stop... (as I'm thinking ..alert ‼️ a-competitive parent this is uncomfortable..)

I have a highly academic DS , never got drawn into conversation with a competitive parent who told me their DC was best in class/ top of year , (deflected praise also from others struggling in that subject also "ah thanks, yes DS likes maths, what's your DC's favourite subject? ") Because his achievements aren't mine and these things can change topic to topic and over time..
(Funny how the braggy parents' Johnny or Poppy rarely ends up on GCSE result leader board of top 10 or 20 pupils at end of secondary school... despite being 'top of the year')

it's such a bore to hear people brag about their DCs or families.

[Tiani4]

Argh
I meant exaggerating not "e agitating " and
"Smirk" not "skirts "

When will MNHQ get an edit function within first 2 mins sorted out ...?

[VastQuantities]

If I come across people like this, I like to gently entertain myself. Either by just laughing inwardly at their ridiculousness, or by seeing if I can egg them on, almost bait them by mentioning some fake attainment of my child - Oh MyChild is really enjoying Dickens. Hasn't YourChild read any yet? Or something out of school- oh well MyChild has been selected for the County at (insert hobby).
Or conversely, I would sometimes disarm them with an exaggerated self-deprecating tale about how awful something is: "MyChild is still on Level 1". They don't always know how to respond. They just stop in their tracks for a moment. When another mum was boasting about what her husband earned, I just said "My husband is dead." (true- but I wouldn't normally be so blunt!) It just killed the conversation so to speak.

[MrsBennetsPoorNerves]

Just nod and smile. And tune out.

There was a parent like this in dd's year. Her ds was lovely (dd is still friends with him) but very average. Mum thought the sun shone out of his arse. It was a bit cringe, but harmless enough really.

I remember bumping into her in the supermarket with dd when the kids were in Year 7. She proudly told me how well he was settling in, and how he was in "top sets" for everything. DD found it hilarious because it simply wasn't true. Very embarrassing for the poor lad.

For whatever reason, this woman feels the need to boast. I would just let her do her thing and not bother about it. Maybe try to change the subject when you can see she is getting started. She is making a laughing stock of herself at the end of the day, and she deserves to be pitied for that.

The parents of children who are genuinely outstanding will usually tend to keep quiet about it.

[midnight90]

Just ignore her or walk away when she starts waffling on about her kid. Or when she does start just say 'yeah and'

[HufflepuffRavenclaw]

I think we all know a parent like this. I certainly do. One whose children are the cleverest, prettiest, just BESTEST at everything. She is a total pain in the arse. So when I see her coming, I just cross the road. Or if she corners me to lecture at me about how her child is on course for a Nobel Prize, I have a sudden urgent appointment to rush off to, or a car parked on a meter round the corner.

Just avoid, avoid, avoid.

[2bazookas]

Every time, respond along the lines of " Does she get that from her father's side? Oh, no surprise there, your husband is SO intelligent /talented/goodlooking. She's a real Daddy's girl, isn't she? Clever, just like her father".

Or you can do some boasting of your own " Of course, one of DD's great qualities is that she's so kind and supportive to others. She has such great social skills and lovely manners . People always notice good manners, don't they? "

[wellpaddedintherear]

I used to have a friend just like this-there’s 3 months between him and my son

we had been friends since school and she was (and still is) a really nice woman-she just had this huge blindspot with her son

her kid (he was an only child at this point,until she had his sisters) was just the bestest at everything

hers always came top in spelling tests

top at maths

was sportsman level in pe

never struggled in English

best in class at art-you name it-this kid was the best at it

his behaviour was awful-he was a bully but she ignored that and thought the sun shone out of his arse-the teachers where wrong about him

her siblings where exactly the same with their kids which I think is the root of it

my children tried but where nowhere near academic-they had strengths but where always middle of the road-which I supported

anyway,this kid did get top results in both school and college exams but mine didn’t-I simply didn’t apply the pressure to mine that she put on hers-I was ‘try your best-it’s enough’ but she was ‘get top marks or I’ll be angry and won’t love you anymore’

you could see the strain on his face,trying to please his mum

fast forward a few years and the boys are coming up to 23-mine works in a bloody good,well paid career,that he’s works his backside off to climb the ladder

hers works in a milkshake shop and is refusing to work any harder to go any further

(I admire this kid but it’s a shame he’s not using his qualifications)

doesnt stop her bragging about his sisters (who are under the same pressure) but is oddly quiet about her son

i used to just smile and nod

[QuertyGirl]

@Kalpatra

I just pretend I’m watching a TV show, relax and enjoy it. I actually find people like that hilarious.

I assume they’re like that because they feel competitive with the world, but I have a pretty massive ego which makes it easier not to compete.

I do this!

You can ask them a simple question and off they hon😁

[Activelyannoyed]

You don’t need to hang out with her, why does it bother you so much? So what if she’s proud of her kid and brags.

[limoncello23]

People like this are infuriating, whether it's about their child, their grandchild or their dog. When I'm not actually with them, I try to have some compassion. As someone said above, it's socially inept to do this. Having poor social skills probably makes their life, if not difficult, at least less pleasant than it might otherwise be. And that's a shame for them.