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Secondary education

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Original poster

Moving from private to state school experiences…

57 replies

Jaipur · 13/12/2022 22:37

DS (14) is in year 10. He has a full bursary for a private school where he is pretty unhappy. The school is fairly strict which he doesn’t like, has long hours and also has a particularly snobbish undercurrent - which I know not all private schools do.

He has a group of friends, although they don’t bring out the best in each other and he has got himself into trouble for silly things (vaping, skipping a class and a few other things). The headteacher is at the end of his tether and has said he feels we should look elsewhere so he can leave with a clean slate.

He’s a bright boy and teachers and other kids like him, he’s just says he’s not really happy at the school and never has been. He wants to go to the local (high achieving) state school. He has friends there and feels he would be happier.

Private to state seems the opposite way the majority of people move there children. Any experiences of doing this? I’m concerned DS may go completely off the rails…. Equally if he’s happier and more relaxed he may really come into his own.

OP posts:
Mammillaria · 13/12/2022 22:45

I think it may come down to whether his state school friends are a good or bad influence on him.

I know a few people whose DC have moved from private to state with mixed results. Having the DC completely on board with the move seems to be the best predictor of success in this very small sample group!

GolfForBrains · 13/12/2022 22:57

Is there a place at the state school?

clary · 13/12/2022 23:07

If he is in year 10 now then can the local state school (yes, does it have a place) may not be able to accommodate his GCSE choices - and he may be at a disadvantage in terms of subject studied.

If he is going to move in year 10, the sooner the better for sure. But I would make a call to check if they start GCSE courses in year 9 and even if they start in yr 10, what MFL topics they have done, what English lit book they have studied, etc.

Original poster
Jaipur · 14/12/2022 07:21

Thanks. No there isn’t a place so we will have to appeal. They do the same subjects and I think it’s likely he will get in on appeal. It’s just very stressful.

OP posts:
Thedoglovesmemore · 14/12/2022 07:23

I’d be worried too but he isn’t happy now and sounds like school are suggesting he will get excluded unless he starts behaving better.

Original poster
Jaipur · 14/12/2022 08:04

Yes, that’s exactly what the school are suggesting. I’m just concerned that he’ll get in even more trouble being at a more lenient school. Although maybe because they are strict and he doesn’t feel he fits in is the reasons why he’s getting into trouble? I don’t feel the things he’s done are vastly out of the realms of normal for a teenage boy tbh.

OP posts:
Sushi7 · 14/12/2022 08:16

I wouldn’t bother now he’s started his GCSEs. Moving schools won’t magically solve his behaviour. It may deteriorate. Definitely don’t move schools as you say he gets into trouble, but still gets good grades.

What kinds of things does he get in trouble for? Why is he unhappy? I wouldn’t take long hours and strict rules for an answer. All good performing schools have rules to abide by. Suck it up until it’s time to go to college to do A Levels.

comical2023 · 14/12/2022 08:20

I don’t think they would be any issue at all moving from private to state if it’s a high achieving state school and he knows people there. I don’t think there’s actually a massive difference in a high achieving middle class (assuming it is) comprehensive and an independent day school. I know here, the kids from both interchange and all hang out with each other

your issue is getting him a place and making sure he catches up on his gcse stuff if they are doing different boards or doing the syllabus in different orders

realistically you may be better moving him there in year 12 but I think the private to state thing is the least of your concerns

Forever42 · 14/12/2022 08:27

Surely by the time it takes to appeal a place he will be well into year 10, making it harder to change courses?

Nappyvalley15 · 14/12/2022 08:27

I would try to move him ASAP. If he is unhappy and really wants to leave his current school then it could negatively affect his GCSE performance.

sheepdogdelight · 14/12/2022 08:36

Moving a child in Year 10 will be a nightmare. You will not only have to find a school that accommodates his choices, but one doing the same exam boards and studying the syllabus in the same order.

As others have said, there is no guarantee you will get a place at the school where his friends go (or it might be a dreadful match in terms of syllabuses etc). Is he prepared to go to any state school? If not, it sounds like you would be better working with current school to see if you can resolve the issues and considering a move at sixth form.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 14/12/2022 08:44

Regardless of private to state I'd be more concerned about moving mid way through GCSE courses. Other school most likely is not doing the same exam boards so there will be a huge catch up for your son. Is he up for that?

Also why are you confident he will get in on appeal? May the LA offer another school which does have a place instead (but is not your preferred option)? Just a thought.

I'd be working with your current school and son's behaviour to get him through yr 11 then move if I were you. Is this really not an option?

JemimaTiggywinkles · 14/12/2022 09:00

Surely the high achieving state school will also be quite strict, so moving won't help him in that sense. While the days are longer in private schools, the holidays generally are too.

More importantly, moving a child mid-way through year 10 is a nightmare because:

  • may not be able to accommodate his options
  • teaching order is very likely to be different in at least some subjects so he will have some stuff covered twice and some not at all
  • friendship groups are very much established and it can be socially challenging to be the only new person
  • getting all new teachers who don't know you can make feedback less personalised and therefore less effective (which is why schools try to keep the same teacher with each class for the 2 GCSE years)

Tbh, I'd only consider it if absolutely necessary (eg unresolved bullying or family move for work). For your DS I think you need to look at how much of his poor behaviour you are dismissing as minor and finding excuses for him rather than having high expectations. For example, I have been a teacher for 10 years (admittedly in good schools) and can count on 1 hand the number of students who have skipped lessons.

spare123 · 14/12/2022 09:01

You need to be planning for a sixth form move. What would your grounds for appeal be? And he'd be unlikely to get all the same subjects with all the same exam boards. Headteacher is copping out of proper discipline by suggesting that he leave.

Falafe · 14/12/2022 09:28

My friend's child did the opposite. He got caught dealing weed at his high achieving state school who came down on him like a ton of bricks and then expelled him. The private school took him no questions asked, I don't think they even need to see the state record. He settled just find.

Look, things can't get worse can they. If he finds it snobby, the state school should be less so. His friends bring out the worst in him, he might make better ones at state (and they might have less money for messing around with silly substances.)
93% of the children in this country are educated by state and seem to come out just fine, so I suspect he will prosper. He probably just feels wrong in his skin and its coming out this way.

TizerorFizz · 14/12/2022 09:34

Private schools don’t have to tolerate poor behaviour. I would not accept the idea of a mine in y10 though. Obviously the DS wants a move because he doesn’t like the rules. No vaping is a pretty general rule. He’s obviously making the running with poor behaviour so he will find his tribe at the state school. He will just be let off the lead there!

I would read him the riot act. Yes he’s not happy because he wants to mess about! Start parenting and get him to behave. How is he getting vapes? A y10 move is difficult but if he wants out, go to any school. Is the bursary being withdrawn? Appealing will take forever. It’s not guaranteed to be successful. At all.

You have your head in the sand. He’s got a taste for messing about. You need to stop it right now and stop making excuses for him. It’s a downward slide if you don’t.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 14/12/2022 09:37

I wouldn’t change school in Year 10. He’ll be at a different point in the syllabus for a start. I’d crack down on joss behaviour and say he can move once Year 11 is over. He has 18 months left.

Falafe · 14/12/2022 09:44

@TizerorFizz I suspect if OP had other children there the head might do his job and do some disciplining or find some good therapy for this muddled teen. Unfortunately he is a head of a business and if you aren't paying three sets of fees, indeed only one set at a huge discount, you don't count for much. Disposable.

GarlicSauce · 14/12/2022 09:45

No way I'd move in year 10. Let him
move for sixth form. I'd come down hard in the bad behaviour.

TizerorFizz · 14/12/2022 09:53

@Falafe
I completely agree with you. However most parents, when in receipt of a bursary, don’t blame the school they have received ££££ from. I’m aware private schools are businesses and also have freedom to ask someone to leave. We found discipline sensible. Far more relaxed than current strict state schools! Therefore I would expect DS to behave because I bet the discipline isn’t that strict!

A young man my DD knows was a bit like this at school. He is very very clever. When his GCSEs were stellar, they kept him for 6th form. He wasn’t on a bursary but was of course Oxbridge bound.

BungleandGeorge · 14/12/2022 09:56

Falafe · 14/12/2022 09:44

@TizerorFizz I suspect if OP had other children there the head might do his job and do some disciplining or find some good therapy for this muddled teen. Unfortunately he is a head of a business and if you aren't paying three sets of fees, indeed only one set at a huge discount, you don't count for much. Disposable.

This is the job of the parent to discipline and find their child therapy if needed. I’m not sure what therapy is required for Acting up age 14 because you’ve got in with the wrong crowd and don’t like discipline anyway!
I think he’s at a bad point to move him, by the time the appeal comes through he’ll only have a year left of school. Has he only just become unhappy or has he been the same since year7? I do think you’re somewhat excusing the poor behaviour. I’d tell him he can go to any sixth form he likes but has to finish gcse at current school. It may not be your choice though as the school may well withdraw the bursary if his behaviour is so bad they’re considering exclusion. Possibly it may be better to home school for a year?

Doubtmyself · 14/12/2022 10:03

Falafe · 14/12/2022 09:44

@TizerorFizz I suspect if OP had other children there the head might do his job and do some disciplining or find some good therapy for this muddled teen. Unfortunately he is a head of a business and if you aren't paying three sets of fees, indeed only one set at a huge discount, you don't count for much. Disposable.

That's complete nonsense.

If the child is on a FULL BURSARY he is expected to be a shining example in the school, that's how it works, they pay thousands and thousands a year and the kid excels and shows he's earned their investment. It has fuck all to do with business, and everything to do with academic excellence.

Bursary kids are the flagship of a school to show they are reaching out, they can't have these kids fucking around , they have to be the best of the best.

OP I would read the riot act to your child and beg the school to give the child a chance, take the child to the school the LEA offer ( it will be the worst school that has places) and tell child this is the reality of where you will go, not the nice state school with their mates, but a school miles away that's undersubscribed.

If none of that works, you have to move the child and go your appeal route, be warned it may all blow up in your face.

ON a full bursary I assume he did really well in entrance exams so he's clearly gifted, unfortunately its never 'easy' with being the 100% bursary boy, a lot of expectation and to a certain extent,

Janieread · 14/12/2022 10:07

I've only read the OP.

We had exactly the same with dc1. Moved them to state 6th form. They absolutely loved it, thrived, lovely teachers. Unfortunately they went completely off the rails at the joy of being invited to so many parties, did zero work in year 12 and failed or scraped through AS levels. Having said that the school were amazing, they repeated year 12,did well, got into a decent uni and now work in medicine.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 14/12/2022 10:09

This is really hard, because if you can’t get the state place his future at the private school is dependent on his behaviour, to which a large part is dependent on his happiness there… and if he doesn’t toe the line they may well kick him out at the end of year 10.

And it isn’t a matter of the same subjects. Different exam boards have different subject modules, schools teach it in different orders etc.

How strong are your grounds for appeal? If the private school kick him out the LA will need to find him a place, but that’s any place, not the high achieving school of your choice.

In principle, moving private to state no issue at all. I know 3 kids who have done it. 2 because their needs (hearing impairment and dyslexia) were being ignored / not met and one who had a full bursary and scholarship to a prestigious school but the peer obsession with high fashion brands, house size, parental occupation (one of the parents is a well know. Artist in artistic circles but has no money) , derision at lack of ski and other glamorous holidays led to exclusion and isolation as they were treated with contempt and like a freak.

All 3 (peers of my Dc) thrived in state schools, bern happier and have fulfilled bold and ambitious potential!

Youwhatnowffs · 14/12/2022 10:11

Ok, so in later posts you’ve made it clear that your ds is actually on the verge of being expelled and the head has given you a heads up so you can get him in somewhere else now without blemish on his record. This is an entirely different situation to the one you initially portrayed. Yes, fight for the place in the state school now, his current school can expel whenever they feel like it as it is your dc who is breaking the contract you will have signed before joining (and the further into yr10/11 this is, the more disastrous it will be). And finally, if he’s not using the opportunities this bursary has provided him with then let someone else have the benefit.