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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Feel so sad, DD probably missing out on language exchange

41 replies

memememum · 11/12/2022 01:33

There must be many people in this situation. Our home is just too small to host a teenager for a week so my daughter will almost certainly miss out on her German exchange. The only hope is that there's someone who could fit in 2 :(

OP posts:

Luzina · 11/12/2022 01:36

A language exchange is a great opportunity but not a given. Lots of families can’t fit an extra child in or choose not to. I definitely don’t think it’s something to be especially sad about.

Original poster

memememum · 11/12/2022 01:42

Thanks, that's kind of you

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 11/12/2022 01:44

I hated my French exchange if that helps. My DM saved my letter I sent to her when I was in France. Not sure I would have coped as a mum if my DC had sent me a text with similar wording 😭 DS never did a language exchange even though he loved languages. Don’t think he feels he missed anything

Original poster

memememum · 11/12/2022 02:02

Thanks

OP posts:

Summerfun54321 · 11/12/2022 02:17

Does anyone ever actually enjoy exchanges? They’re so awkward.

Potatomashed · 11/12/2022 02:19

I never went on one, never had the opportunity despite studying languages for gcse and a level. I still went on to live in those countries on my gap year and became fluent

RSintes · 11/12/2022 02:33

I'm a language teacher and organise exchanges. Our line is always it doesn't matter if there's no spare room or anything like that as the guests just want to experience life however it is lived. Often my students sleep on the sofa and give their guest their bed. Or the student sleeps in siblings room on a camp bed. Would that be an option?

At our school we also allow students to travel so they can still get that experience even if they can't host, so is that an option for your DC?

Exchanges are a brilliant experience and teachers are always open to finding a solution that helps as many students take part as possible, even if a creative solution to hosing sometimes needs to be found.

RSintes · 11/12/2022 02:40

Would say as a German teacher myself too that teachers are always keen to get students involved and ensure there are enough numbers to make a trip viable, so it's worth having a chat with them about it if you've not already done so.

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 11/12/2022 02:49

They were never offered at my school or any of the local ones. With budget cuts, lack of spare rooms, Brexit etc surely fewer will go ahead, I don't think they're the rite of passage they used to be.

dolor · 11/12/2022 02:51

First world problems

Nandocushion · 11/12/2022 03:38

If you'd really like to do it then I'd talk to the teacher like PP said and see what you can work out. My son did his exchange and his counterpart wasn't able to travel to us so we actually hosted 2 different students on the return, neither of whom had hosted originally. I understand what some are saying about costs etc but it's only Germany and doing exchanges is the cheapest way for students to travel, so I imagine they'll try to keep them going as long as they can.

ClaryFairchild · 11/12/2022 03:46

@dolor - and because it's a first world problem the op can't be upset about it? FFS....

Spliffle · 11/12/2022 03:48

I went but had no-one back as I was deliberately paired with someone who didn't want to come back.

sevenbyseven · 11/12/2022 03:49

Could you really not fit one extra person in the house for a few days? They don't need their own room.

AnotherAppleThief · 11/12/2022 04:16

sevenbyseven · 11/12/2022 03:49

Could you really not fit one extra person in the house for a few days? They don't need their own room.

Why do you not believe her when she says no. We couldn't either OP dont worry.

Tadpoll · 11/12/2022 04:41

I did two exchanges as a teen (they are brilliant for confidence building and bringing up open-minded teens btw) and both times the host had a tiny flat. I slept on the floor with one and at the other she gave me her room and slept on the sofa.

Unless your house is literally one room I would think there’s a way around it.

TizerorFizz · 11/12/2022 08:10

@dolor Actually understanding others is a very satisfying and important human trait that serves humanity well. We need it even more than we did.

@memememum
I do understand what you feel but talk to the school. It could be that a compromise can be arranged and your DD shouldn’t mess out. Lots of people have smaller homes. I missed out for exactly the same reasons many years ago.

If your DD likes German snd is keen to learn, I would advise her to keep going with German. Few do it at A level and university making it a great subject to do! MFL should be encouraged and I am sure you can find a way through this.

sevenbyseven · 11/12/2022 08:22

AnotherAppleThief · 11/12/2022 04:16

Why do you not believe her when she says no. We couldn't either OP dont worry.

Show quote history

I just thought she might be aiming for a higher level of comfort than is needed, that's all. If you can manage a sleepover, you can manage an exchange. If you can't, you can't.

FTY765 · 11/12/2022 08:50

I don't know anybody at all who did one of these!
That said, if your daughters friends are taking part I can see why she may feel like she is missing out and why you feel sad for her.

TizerorFizz · 11/12/2022 12:22

@FTY765
They were done at my school but that was yonks ago. They are easier and cheaper then a trip abroad. I don’t think they are vital but DC don’t want to miss out. Maybe safeguarding is an issue now too?

PingPongMerrilyWithPie · 11/12/2022 17:59

It's quite an imposition to expect someone else to host a teen for a week so that your DD can go on an exchange. If DD is that keen, and you are too, then make it work. DD can sleep on the sofa or in with you.

It was impossible for us, for different reasons, but no one in the 3 year groups above got to go at all, so we're in good company.

Jules912 · 11/12/2022 18:57

We're not quite at that stage, but all the schools I looked round for DS says they don't do exchanges anymore as it's not allowed due to safeguarding. Clearly this isn't universal but at least I know he won't be the only one missing out!

Timezones · 11/12/2022 19:08

We did private language exchanges - not done through the school - and they were life changing for one of my children. Fantastic for encouraging your child to become flexible, open to different ways of living, for developing confidence and independence, as well as the language gains. The ones done via schools are less useful as they tend to stay with their English friends and just see the exchange family in the evenings. Plus they're too short.

Fairislefandango · 11/12/2022 19:19

First world problems

Ffs. What an unnecessary and unpleasant response. People are allowed to express their feelings about minor problems and disappointments in their lives. It's a shame if the OP's dd can't take part, especially if she's interested in languages.

Definitely worth approaching the school about this, OP, and seeing if anything can be done. I've just taken an exchange trip to Germany in November and it was really good.

Feetache · 12/12/2022 23:29

I went on various exchanges and often slept on floors with mates. Part of the fun

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