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Feel so sad, DD probably missing out on language exchange

41 replies

memememum · 11/12/2022 01:33

There must be many people in this situation. Our home is just too small to host a teenager for a week so my daughter will almost certainly miss out on her German exchange. The only hope is that there's someone who could fit in 2 :(

OP posts:
Needmoresleep · 13/12/2022 13:11

We hosted a French girl who clearly came from quite a difficult background, which seemed to make her teachers even more determined that she should take part. (Prior to the visit I received a series of odd and demanding messages from the mother, which seemed to be part of a known pattern. The girl herself was lovely but there were a whole series of things she had never done or been allowed to do, like go on a boat or eat in a restaurant.) The French school arranged, without us asking, for DD to stay with a
lovely family with a child in a different year who was not part of the exchange.

Whilst talking to my daughters school, it became clear that this sort of thing was not unknown. One poor German boy apparently broke down in tears and told his English family they were lovely. His own father was prone to binge drinking and could be awful, and he was worried that this might happen when the English boy as staying. The problem was finessed. Teachers are available and able to sort problems quickly.

I think it is a good experience for a teenager to be host as well as going on an exchange. It is a chance to think about someone else, what they might like etc. If you can find some short term space or negotiate that the exchange stays somewhere else but your DC is involved in the hosting, so consider it.

I know a couple, now in their 80s, who met on a school exchange. He is French, she English. That exchange worked!

WoolyMammoth55 · 13/12/2022 13:15

Hi OP, I did multiple exchanges as a teenager and never had my own room at the host's house. It was usually either me or the exchange student on a mattress on the floor.

If your DD wants to take part I'm sure the school can find a way and like PPs have said, the 'home leg' might be able to be moved to another family if it's not possible at yours.

Don't despair. I hope it works out for you and your DD :)

caringcarer · 13/12/2022 13:58

I took 2 German boys to help out as more Germans wanted to come to UK than our kids wanted to go. It was a mistake as they spent most time speaking to each other in German. They were supposed to be speaking in English. I'm sure if I took just 1 he would have spoke in English.

caringcarer · 13/12/2022 14:02

My dd also went to Spain and was treated like a princess. She had her own suite of rooms and a maid came to tidy it for her everday. The girl she was paired with lived in something like a castle. I made an effort to tell her wherever she wanted to go I would take her. I offered her Alton Towers and London but strangely all she wanted was to go to Stratford Upon Avon and see house Ann Hathaway's cottage and a working loch.

CoralBells · 03/07/2023 09:28

Dd has a friend who's a twin and both twins had a French person sharing their room. I live in a 2 bed with my 2 dds who share the larger room. (No dh. I'm a widow.) I moved in with them and our student had their own room.

Potterinthegarden · 03/07/2023 10:24

I didn't think they did these sorts of exchanges these days! I went on a German exchange when I was 14 and yes it was an experience, but looking back it was potentially so dodgy - staying with a family I didn't know, in an area I didn't know, barely speaking the language! I think the dad picked me up from the airport on his own, I remember trying to make conversation a little. I wouldn't let my child do an exchange on these terms! Better to go as a group and stay together.

Timezones · 03/07/2023 16:06

It's such a pity that children are missing out on this experience because of child protection fears. I think we are too fearful as a society, especially in these days of mobile phones. If children go as a group and spend the daytimes together, which often happens, they don't learn much of the language. If they stayed in a group the whole time, they'd really learn almost nothing. We are far too insular as a country, and even more so since Brexit. We need to make an effort to help our children become more open to the wider world / to other ways of living, in my view. Both my DCs went on multiple language exchanges, on their own and not organised through school. One of them went on several exchanges which lasted 6 weeks or longer and included going to school there (in 2 different countries). One of the languages was one that wasn't even offered by their school, but they wanted to learn it. When they went over there the first time they only knew a few words. They're extremely good at both languages now.

CoralBells · 04/07/2023 23:37

Potterinthegarden · 03/07/2023 10:24

I didn't think they did these sorts of exchanges these days! I went on a German exchange when I was 14 and yes it was an experience, but looking back it was potentially so dodgy - staying with a family I didn't know, in an area I didn't know, barely speaking the language! I think the dad picked me up from the airport on his own, I remember trying to make conversation a little. I wouldn't let my child do an exchange on these terms! Better to go as a group and stay together.

Adults in the family have to get an enhanced DBS check now to host. The French families do something similar.

Shangrilalala · 06/07/2023 07:44

I am dreading this with DS but he is keen to do it.

We hosted an Austrian girl when I was in year 10 and we got on so badly I never went back to Austria. I did have a great exchange to Stockholm but as a student and that bit more mature.

I’m misguidedly amazed that they still happen. I’d thought they were something of the past. Having spent ££££ on DS’ recent hotel based overseas school trip, I suppose they are potentially less costly, although multiple day trips will add to the spends.

Guess I’ll just have to grin and bear it and cling to the linguistic benefits!

Chickoletta · 06/07/2023 07:47

I’m amazed that the school is still doing exchanges. Absolute nightmare from a safeguarding/risk assessment point of view. Sending children to stay with total strangers in their home in a strange country. 😬

Chickoletta · 06/07/2023 07:50

A DBS check is no guarantee of anything. Means that the person has not been caught doing anything yet. There’s always a first time and people can offend for years without being prosecuted. There is no way I would be sending my child away under these circumstances. As a teacher, I just don’t see how schools can justify it either.

XelaM · 06/07/2023 11:11

I absolutely hated my French exchange!!!!! Ti this day I remember how horrible it was

toomuchlaundry · 06/07/2023 11:16

@XelaM i hated mine too. I’m old so went years before mobile phones were a thing. Family let me phone home once, cried down the phone to my mum. My mum kept the letter I wrote to her whilst I was there, very dramatic and sad!

Timezones · 06/07/2023 14:35

School trips abroad don't teach you very much about the culture, and you learn almost nothing of the language. School exchanges are often not very much better.
My two DCs went on about a dozen (privately organised) exchange holidays between them. They both really enjoyed all of them. They each went on an exchange to France where the French family took them skiing for a week, which is not something they'd have done otherwise. However, I did cancel one exchange return trip to France last minute. The child who visited us was fine, but the mum was (long distance) an absolute nightmare, and in the end I decided not to go ahead with the return trip, having already bought the plane ticket.
I can honestly say that for DC2 the exchange holidays (in 2 languages) were life-changing. They became very at home in continental Europe, learned to get on well with everyone and to be very adaptable and independent. They also became very enthusiastic about languages and went on to study languages at university.
I did some exchanges as a child too, and didn't get on so well with them. I was an introvert. I think it does depend on the child's personality.

ejbaxa · 06/07/2023 14:54

I didn’t think they were a thing any more.

anyway - could your dd give the exchange student her bed and then your dd could sleep on your floor?

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