Private school or move house

[Snowpatrolsnowpatrol]

I'm not sure if I'm writing in the right section but I'm in a dilemma about secondary schools for my DC.

There are very few secondary schools in our area that have any sort of decent reputation. We have an option of going into a fee paying boys only secondary school (school A). It has small class sizes and has an excellent rating. Aside from the academic side (although that is the most important angle for me), I think it would offer DS a community type environment which would suit his personality. The extra curricular activities are great too and include many of which he already does and I think it would overall be a fantastic school for him. We can just about manage the fees with a bit of scrimping and saving. It would mean taking a bus which is more than half an hour each way but could read/revise on bus.

We live in an area that I really dislike. Its in a big housing estate, there is no community feel and the amenities are few and far between. Although I have lived here for years and years, I don't know our neighbours. We wave to each other while passing in cars and say hello if we are both of us are on our drives at the same time. Cars are needed to everywhere. I've never been happy here but we've worked on the house little by little and selling it would give us a 300K deposit towards another property.

If we moved five miles away, we could buy a smaller house in an area that has more of a community feel to it. It isn't much better than where we are but there is a large non fee paying secondary school (school B) in the area and because of that the house prices are roughly 200K more than where we live currently. The houses we could afford would mean we are starting over again with doing up the house. The school has a good rating. It is mixed which my son would prefer. Because it is so large, it has a lot of extra curricular activities too, although they aren't run as well as school A. Results are good from school B but not as good as school A. If we lived in the area, our son could walk/cycle to school and maybe make friends locally with classmates. The area would be a little nicer to live in too. His commute to school would be less than half an hour each way and that would be either walking/cycling.

To complicate things further, I have two children. While DS1 would prefer a mixed school, his younger brother would prefer a single sex school. His younger brother would also benefit from smaller class sizes in school A and because they focus on results, I know they would help him reach to his full potential even if that is not very high.

What is the best thing to do? Prioritise school A and continue living in a area I'm really unhappy in or move house and see if we can get into school B and perhaps enjoying living in that area more than where we live now?

Both boys must attend the same school. Different schools are not optional.

Is ds2 guaranteed a place at the indie if ds1 attends?

You seem to want the indie, so do that.

School A.

You currently have knowns - you really like school A for your DC and have an affordable larger house even though you're not keen on the community (although sometimes not knowing our neighbours can be a good thing, and it doesn't sound like you are in a 'bad' neighbourhood particularly). You'd also save on extra curricular by the sound of it which isn't just money its all your time spent traipsing about. But by moving you are closing the door on school A in order for everything to be an unknown quantity (house, neighbourhood & school). A smaller house won't be easier once your DC are teenagers, you might not like your neighbours in the new area either, plus you can't buy a house close enough to guarantee a place at school B anyway.

So I'd go for a suck it and see approach, if school A is amazing you are spending your money on the sort of education you really want for your DC, if its not so amazing you can always move at a later date, or if they go elsewhere for A level, or when the school years are done. These years fly and none of it has to be carved in stone. But moving back to school A if you don't like school B would probably be nigh on impossible if school A is as good as you say.

I'd also do what a PP mentioned and look at school A bus routes, you may find you can send to school A and live in a better house/area than either where you are now or the school B area. Some independent school buses travel cover pretty big distances!

It isn’t a school where people stay overnight.
There is public transport admittedly a PITA at times.

Fees are taken into account and we could afford to pay fully for 1 1/2 children from inheritance but we have decided to pay for one child from inheritance and pay the other from salaries so we have a small bit of a rainy day fund left.
I don’t want to be wiped out completely by using all our funds for school fees.
But we will not be able to afford expensive school trips abroad. The majority of the kids in school A would be going there for similar reasons to us and although I’m sure there will be extremely wealthy kids there, they won’t be the majority.

There are loads of private schools in the wealthy suburbs which s where the wealthy
kids go.

Move, live in a nicer area, save a fortune on fees, don't worry about child 2 - child 1 wants mixed sex and that shouldn't be a dealbreaker anyway

The big drawback of school A is friendships. Kids will all be commuting from far and wide to go there. This is already evident from the primary my kids go to. Friendships are kept within school grounds only. I grew up in a small community and I feel my kids are losing out by not being able to walk/cycle independently to friend’s houses. School A will mean this will continue.

All my relative’s DC that went to private school got used to travelling to see friends. I think it’s quite rare to live very close to a private secondary school. Friends will start to have sleepovers once secondary school starts. I don’t think friendships are kept within school grounds only. This certainly wasn’t the case with my niece, she was very sociable and often saw friends at the weekends etc and she lived about 40 minutes away from her private secondary.

If you move:

How big is the risk of not getting into school B?

If you don't get into school B what is school C like?

Personally I always prioritise parent happiness because happy parents make for happy kids. So if you hate where you live you should move regardless then sort out schools after

I would move out completely to be honest. If things go wrong with school A you'll be broke and stuck in a place you hate.
I don't think school B sounds great, maybe better than your local option but not good enough to move for, especially if you're not even guaranteed to have a space.
You don't have to move across country to move completely. Do you work from home? Are you in the south?

You say school A has amazing results, and would push your younger child to achieve the best he could even if that’s not very high…..I would be super wary of this meaning that the school is very very academically pushy, and attracting high achievers to it, and therefore someone who is going to struggle more/need help is just going to feel stupid compared to everyone else and be utterly miserable.

if it will suit your eldest then maybe start him there, but in the meantime look to move within 30 mins commute of school A to somewhere that has a reasonable state option (and look around the school, don’t just go on reputation!).

I would not move to an area where school B is not almost guaranteed.

Distance re friends doesn't matter IME. They use the internet/mobile phones/online gaming and travel about to meet up when they get a bit older.

My preference would be to relocate completely. I have looked into this and schools are causing a problem. My kids won’t have been in. a feeder school so not guaranteed places to secondary.

A few years ago I contacted primary schools in the area and couldn’t get them into any!

Could you move to a nice area with an above average secondary school and they go there? Then they get a good education and you all get the community feel you are after?

How old are your DC?

We’ve had a similar dilemma for our daughter whose just turned three. In those three years two of the state secondary schools we considered moving for have been rated inadequate after being outstanding for decades.

Each year we’ve attended the open day for the private school and every year it feels like the right fit. She’ll be starting there in September and we’ll staying in our current house the cost of living changes have settled down

The main point I see is that you could move for school B and then not even get a place. I am totally risk averse and so would say school A and tolerate your house/area for now.

If your preference is to relocate completely, have you considered private prep if there are no local state primary school places where you'd like to move to, then a good state comp/grammar from Y7 onwards? State senior schools don't have feeder schools, they go off distance to home. It can work really well, we did it with one of ours, DC choice, they had all the benefit of prep school activities and interests which they've taken with them to grammar, they love it and are thriving, and it saves a LOT of money.

I wouldn't spend any time thinking about the wealth of the DC/families at the indy. I've met all sorts, plenty of state school workers (teachers and admin), NHS workers, police, factory workers, farmers, hairdressers, a painter & decorator, a taxi driver, as well as some toffs/celebrities etc.

As another poster says, secondary schools (I am assuming you mean state schools here) only rarely admit via feeder schools.

Most secondaries I know (certainly all the ones where I live) admit based on distance basically (once categories such as LAC and named school are met - these don't tend to be many children). So live near enough to the school and you will get in. The information about how far away to live is on the LA website.

Wrt the nearby school you are considering, bear in mind that 800 applicants means (most likely) that 800 people put it somewhere on their form. Maybe not all put it first. And if it is popular, chances are a lot of people put it as an optimistic choice that they have no chance of getting in to. If you are near enough to it, you should get in. That info is out there to be found.

You need to phone the council and find the exact catchment area for school B.
I personally would hate to live in an area I am unhappy with when I have the money to send two DC to private secondary school. There must be an option where you can live in an area you like, get the community feel you are after and find a nice school.

I don't think it would be fair to send one to a non fee-paying school and not the other. If the one at state school hates it they will really resent you for it. I think I would downsize, possibly think about other areas you haven't considered yet, but only if you can build in wiggle room for mortgage going up or loss or earnings. Or consider a different school locally with extra private tuition. But as you are also unhappy with where you are on top of the lack of decent state schools it does seem to be pointing toward moving.

As another poster says, secondary schools (I am assuming you mean state schools here) only rarely admit via feeder schools.

This depends entirely on the area. In my area feeder schools are one of the top priority criteria for virtually every secondary school. There are often schools where you needed to be at a feeder school and in catchment to have got a place.

OP - if the school has such great academic results, I'm guessing it may be selective? What if your DC don't get in?

School A, if it is selective, is going to have amazing results, partially because it selects. It may also be brilliant of course.

School B, sounds like you might not get in. Admission distances can change from year to year - big, big gamble. Friends did this for primary. They didn't get in.

I think when people asked about reputation, they were asking about which other local schools you'd discounted on poor reputation, and what was poor about their reputation. There must be another state-funded school that your children would get into from your current address. Indeed the council would have to find you one somewhere even if there wasn't one.

*even if there wasn't one that obviously stood out, I meant.

You sound like you've made your choice and it's school A. Sometimes I do wonder if people post on here hoping to get confirmation their choice is ok, rather than genuinely asking for advice between two options and being open to both. It's ok if you have already decided, just go with it!

I suppose it’s something concrete v risky. And writing it down helps.

Catchment and feeder are the criteria. But most kids are in the feeder primaries as they live in the area. After that distance. Kids are in a feeder for school B so fit that part of the criteria. School B then takes applicants on distance. It changes annually depending on the number of applicants although if they build another estate, it will get into the catchment and an existing road will be put further down the list. It seems to be a way of guaranteeing high prices for new builds.

Interesting, I didn't realise many places still did this. OP's area clearly still does as well - but be assured OP that not everywhere does (or no one would ever move house after about year 4 I suppose). If you are thinking of moving somewhere to target school C, then you can research whether feeder schools are a criterion.