Private school or move house

[Snowpatrolsnowpatrol]

I'm not sure if I'm writing in the right section but I'm in a dilemma about secondary schools for my DC.

There are very few secondary schools in our area that have any sort of decent reputation. We have an option of going into a fee paying boys only secondary school (school A). It has small class sizes and has an excellent rating. Aside from the academic side (although that is the most important angle for me), I think it would offer DS a community type environment which would suit his personality. The extra curricular activities are great too and include many of which he already does and I think it would overall be a fantastic school for him. We can just about manage the fees with a bit of scrimping and saving. It would mean taking a bus which is more than half an hour each way but could read/revise on bus.

We live in an area that I really dislike. Its in a big housing estate, there is no community feel and the amenities are few and far between. Although I have lived here for years and years, I don't know our neighbours. We wave to each other while passing in cars and say hello if we are both of us are on our drives at the same time. Cars are needed to everywhere. I've never been happy here but we've worked on the house little by little and selling it would give us a 300K deposit towards another property.

If we moved five miles away, we could buy a smaller house in an area that has more of a community feel to it. It isn't much better than where we are but there is a large non fee paying secondary school (school B) in the area and because of that the house prices are roughly 200K more than where we live currently. The houses we could afford would mean we are starting over again with doing up the house. The school has a good rating. It is mixed which my son would prefer. Because it is so large, it has a lot of extra curricular activities too, although they aren't run as well as school A. Results are good from school B but not as good as school A. If we lived in the area, our son could walk/cycle to school and maybe make friends locally with classmates. The area would be a little nicer to live in too. His commute to school would be less than half an hour each way and that would be either walking/cycling.

To complicate things further, I have two children. While DS1 would prefer a mixed school, his younger brother would prefer a single sex school. His younger brother would also benefit from smaller class sizes in school A and because they focus on results, I know they would help him reach to his full potential even if that is not very high.

What is the best thing to do? Prioritise school A and continue living in a area I'm really unhappy in or move house and see if we can get into school B and perhaps enjoying living in that area more than where we live now?

Both boys must attend the same school. Different schools are not optional.

Yes fees are affordable for both. I wouldn’t be contemplating this unless we could do this financially.

Yes this is the dilemma.

i don’t see it as not seeing the equity again if used for fees. I see their education as an investment in their future.

When I say downsize we would be moving from a four bed to a three bed. Wed lose the utility room too. Neither bother me in the slightest.

To move closer to school B ie to guarantee entry we’d need 750K. We have 600K max.

I was going to say move (DC2 is too young for you to be deciding what sort of school will suit him at this stage) until you said you might move and still not be guaranteed a place. Absolutely don't do this. Pick an area C where you'd be happy to live with a good educational option.

You should be aware that the "community" feel of private schools may alienate you further from your actual local community. Where do your DC go to school currently? Do they not have local friends?

What is your state option if you stay where you are? You just mention "reputation" which is not a good basis on which to choose a school. What is the school actually like?

Reputation = school A is considered one of the best in the county. There is no doubt about that. It is consistently ranked in the top five. Results are excellent. We are very lucky to even get a place there. I am worried I am throwing that away.

Fees are already taken care of for one child (inheritance) and we can afford fees for second child from salaries. We spend 500 a month in extra curricular at present. These are mostly included in school A.

Reputation school B. Results are good. Very big school so easy to ‘coast’ . DS1 can be lazy and will coast. DS2 will fall behind.

I know people who have kids in both schools. I have checked their ratings for the last five years. I’m confident of their reputations.

Currently in state primary. Classmates will either go to school B or another school in a different catchment. I don’t want to move to this catchment. It will be similar to where we are now. Not an option. So it’s school A or B.

Pick an area C where you'd be happy to live with a good educational option

There isn’t an option C sadly unless we move to another part of the country. Feel we should have done this years ago but we have no idea where to move.

Should add there is another option - school D. Some classmates will go there. Very local private but results are very poor. Friend teaches there and said to avoid!

Is catchment area high on the criteria for school b? I say this as secondary schools around here rate catchment very low down the list. Other schools in the academy and feeder schools get priority.

Alot of children try to join the school I work at for Yr 5/6 so they will stand a better chance of getting into the top secondary in the area due to it being feeder.

Somebody said choose school B so we could go on holidays. I understand why this sounds lovely but we have a completely different mindset. I would never ever choose holidays over formal education. It is an alien concept to me. I admire people who do though and think travel is very worthwhile. The kids can do this independently when they are older and I will encourage them to!

Yes catchment is the priority for school B.

Can't you do both? Move somewhere else in budget and go to the private school? Move anywhere within 30 min commute of the private school?

Personally I would say move and school b. We have a similar mindset to you and were considering private. However, although in theory we can afford it, with prices rising as they are it's hard to say what school prices will end up being. If we need to we will pay for tutors to bridge the gap.

Even if A might be marginally better academically, it sounds like you are missing out on a lot by living somewhere you don't like. Might it become worse by going to a different school than everyone else? My DH was the only boy in his village to go to a grammar school and was bullied any time he was out and about in the village, he moved away as soon as he could and rarely goes back.

I would also hate the pressure on your DS, he'll realise you are enduring living somewhere you hate so he can go to private school.

Local friends, gaining real independence (not duke of Edinburgh type independence, popping round to friends on a whim independence) are also important.

Is there a nicer place, close to A, not in catchment for B, where house prices are similar to where you are but you can imagine making friends. You could solve both problems (horrible surroundings, education) without tying them together?

Houses near school A are not optional.

Houses near school B - to get the village/community feel we need 850K.

We can afford to live 2 miles away from the village in a built up area of newish builds very similar to where we now live but it is a bit nicer 🤣 The people in the village look down on the people who don’t live in the village but there would be a large cohort of people living outside it and I can live with that. Kids would be able to cycle to activities/meet friends.

Where we now live we commute everywhere. The people where we live are all doing similar and there is a general air of keeping oneself to oneself. There is a rough element in parts and it’s ugly. House prices are lower due to lack of decent schools.

To get within the catchment of school B the houses and area are similar looks wise but the feel is different. Or maybe I just perceive it to be different. There is still trouble with teens hanging around the shops etc. but it still feels more lit up/busier. There are tens of large housing estates but I am afraid that even in this area there will be a pecking order of some estates being considered/are better than others. Prices go between 500-1M. We can afford the less popular estates ie a smaller house that was previously rented out.

Going to a different school is ok in the area we’re in as firstly we don’t know anyone and secondly everyone travels elsewhere to school as the local comp is known far and wide as being awful.

Even if A might be marginally better academically,

It is far better academically. It is ranked one of the best schools in the county.

It gets a lot of publicity due to the results from the school.

Does school A have a bus service for the kids (lots of indies do) and could you consider moving to the one of the areas covered by that...so have your cake and eat it?

I have a very similar dilemma, so I completely get it...sounds like you are sold on the indie, and why wouldn't you be...so I'm just wondering if you can sort the house issue into the bargain by thinking outside the box on location?

School A sounds right for your family as you value education so much and it’s in the top five schools in the country. You can move to a nicer area when your DC have finished secondary school.

Did you say you already have a place at school A? It would be madness to move to a house that doesn't guarantee school B, what would your backup plan then be as I think you're saying you then wouldn't be able to afford school A?

I'd go for school A, then work out a plan to move somewhere nicer in however many years you can manage it in so you've got that to look forward to. Even if it is after the kids leave school!

It was actually cheaper for us to stay put and pay for Private school but we love our house and the area. In your shoes I think I would move as long as you are VERY certain a move would get you the school you want

Move. The other area will be more fun for your children to grow up in, and what you say about cars is really off-putting and you will end up being a taxi service for YEARS.

I'm v pro indie schools, btw - we live in the world's smallest house so that we can pay school fees instead of a massive mortgage, but I love our house and it's very central - it really feels like your HOME is the thing you should prioritize right now, then think about school after.

That 8k per term will be 10k before you know it too. 😩

Same here, really. A house near the amazing state school here would be hundreds of k on top of our current house, and we'd be paying that huge mortgage for decades (or uprooting again) . School is a LOT cheaper, and it's over faster.

Yes but… the areas we can afford on this (familiar) side aren’t better than where we are.

This would be the better option though. It’s so hard when unfamiliar with areas.

House.

School fees go up every year. If you can just about afford the fees, you’ll struggle with all the extra curricular things, and expensive school trips etc.

A half hour commute by bus each way is inconvenient. But as your son gets older, he’ll likely want to stay for prep etc, so it will be very late when he gets home. Which will lead to him wanting to stay some nights (more ££) and you’ll find the fees and costs start to spiral.

That is now I feel too really. School is much cheaper than moving and although we could get a higher mortgage I don’t want to be stretched forever more.