Do you regret a long journey to school?

[DazzlePaintedBattlePants]

We have a choice of 2 schools. School 1 is local, quite small (140 per year group) but has excellent extra curriculars, including a second round of afternoon buses that drop off after the after school sports/clubs finish. Child could leave house at 08:10 and be back 3:15 with no clubs, or 4:30 having done hockey/running/band/whathaveyou. Staff at open days seemed great, but results are average. Historically, this is a school "naice" people have tried to avoid, but demographics mean that they are not getting their first choice and have to lump this school. There is a new head, as well as a good deputy head who's come from another school in the Trust, which is excellent. The vast majority of parents I know who send their kids here are very happy with it. I have questions about the level of ambition at this school and the results.

Our other school would mean leaving the house at 0730am and not getting back until 4:30-5pm. On paper, it's a much better school with excellent progress 8 scores, but it's the kind of school where once people get in they are evangelical about it. There is a significant snob factor (in my mind) associated with this school. There's at least one family on the school bus that I would have serious reservations about my children spending 90 mins a day with. However I feel I am somehow letting my children down by not choosing this academically superior school. For those of you who've done secondary for years, is the stress of a much longer day really worth it?

Neither school have a sixth form FWIW.

Argh. Saw school 2 this week. Children were delightful - polite, enthusiastic, helpful, neat and tidy. Facilities were so much nicer; well kept, amazing library, and reasonably new.

Head's talk was: Welcome to our school. Here's our fabulous exam results. Did I mention our fabulous exam results? The teachers we saw were not as good as the ones from School 1 and in some cases left me cold. I got the impression there is a huge amount of teaching to the test - I asked about their 3 year GCSE and the response was "ooooh, no we don't do that, we just start teaching GCSE skills in Year 9"

The other parents at School 2 may drive me crazy (see previous comment about snobs) but the difference in the children at both schools was noticeable - but having met the teachers I don't think that's the school....

Also I really think it matters if they would be unusual for having a long commute. As my kids’ school has a massive catchment, lots of the kids have long journeys, so it very normal. If there’s a transport strike or other travel problem, the school are understanding. Both mine have a couple of local-ish school friends, keep up with a couple of local primary friends, but also do video group chats with school friends for homework and just hanging out. After school rehearsals etc are no problem either. There are other in their or different years catching the train and they all walks in groups, which the school encourages. Collecting one when she was sick was difficult as I don’t drive, but we managed.

They genuinely do enjoy the Journey! My year 7 called me in tears from the platform on Tuesday as she’d missed the ‘early train’ that they tend to aim for, and “my friends will be having so much fun without me”😢

I think you've proved my point. It's not actually the journey she enjoys, but the being with her friends?

Following with interest and looking for more positive experiences of long commutes!

Local! 100%

It's a massive PITA for teens to have their friends live across a large geographical area. If you have more than one dc, you'll end up having to drive them to and from their ferns' houses and your weekends will be spent with that rather than you dc becoming independent, they'll depend on mum and dad's taxi service. The school results don't matter much if your dc is bright, on the contrary if your dc is bright they will do well anywhere and when they apply for uni, their results get looked at in context of how the school's results are and could be advantageous to be at the school with less good results.

I applied for what sounds like your school 2. Due to the current economic climate many families who would have gone private didn't, We would have got a place any other year.

I'm really glad it's worked out this way. The school we got has been amazing. They have high ambitions and DS is really being pushed and encouraged. And I don't have to drive to the next town when he stays on at a club or misses his bus.

Well my ds does school 2 his day is 745 to 430 and 530 with a club. Its a 15 min drive if I need to go there do its not too bad. Friends in further areas will be an issue. We had good schools locally but not as good facilities and I was concerned they were academic hothouse rather than well rounded.

You sound like you prefer school 1. Do that.

Our primary is good but has some families that are just not my type of people. I find it depressing.

School 1. Use bus money saved to pay for tutoring for specific subjects in GCSE years if needed.

What does your child think? It’s a difficult one, but I think at this age, though we can guide their feelings and we have the final say, if it’s not a clear choice their feeling on visiting the school really matters.

You haven't mentioned which school would best suit your child.

Is your child the type to thrive in a full-throttle academic environment or be miserable?

Would your child thrive in a nurturing local school or do they need to be pushed to achieve?

Choose the school that suits your child and be proud of the choice. At the moment it sounds like you're choosing a school based on keeping up with the Joneses!

My DS leaves at 7.20 and gets home at 4.50 or so. He’s often tired and doesn’t do any after school clubs. It’s a pain if I need to collect him as it’s an hour away.
For DS it’s the right choice as it’s the nearest suitable school (he has SEN) but if there was a closer one that suited I would love to save him the long journey.
In your position I would choose school 1.

We pay 1.5K per year per dc for the school bus, 3K just on school transport not counting all the car trips when they miss the bus or see friends miles away.

What matters is the quality of the teaching staff. I sent my DDs to a bog standard comprehensive 15 miles away - the nearest school to our village - and they came out with straight As (one sat a year early) and went to good universities. The department heads were all very experienced dedicated teachers - one even had my DD round to her house while recovering from a mastectomy and chemo, to give her extra exam coaching as she didn’t think much of the supply teacher covering her.
From your updates, it sounds like the local school is winning you over, and your DH obv prefers that to long bus commutes.

I have twins who opted for different high schools, one a walk away the other a bus journey. I regret everyday our decision to let the bus journey twin go to a further away school. Her day is hours longer than her brother, no local friends etc. Take the early school get a tutor later if need be.

And she would only have from being at the school. Neither of mine fitted in or enjoyed their primary socially (or academically). They absolutely love the school they’re in now and have lots of friends. My older one is neurodiverse, and vas bullied viciously at our local primary and very likely would have been if she’d gone to our local school (who’s boot camp ethos would also have been disastrous for her). She’s found her people at the school she’s at now, and a 45 min journey hanging out chatting/reading/WhatsApping/listening to music that the absolute say they enjoy is definitely worth it for that. It well not be for a different child or a different school, but it can be in the right circumstances.

I had a 40 minute bus journey to secondary school, and it was fine. Couldn’t follow my sister to our local secondary as it was in the 1980s equivalent of special measures and was shut progressively the year after she joined. She had a horrible time there.

That was a reply to sheepdogdelight

DH and I both went to school 2s (private in his case). Our kids go to the local secondary. We both wanted to prioritise them having local friends, walking to school etc.

In our case, unless we went private or gamed the system in some way, we didn't really have a choice, but we still believe in the value of the local school, even though our local school is not great - it has been through a period of considerable instability and is struggling with teacher recruitment at the moment (I believe that's a problem generally, and recruitment where we live is a nightmare due to the local housing situation). Our kids have definitely seen the benefits of local friends/being able to walk home from after-school clubs etc. Eldest now has a part-time job after school, which starts at 4-4.30 and which she couldn't have done at any of the alternative schools. That's not something that would have been on my radar at all five years ago, but is definitely a bonus now.

JustGot I think the problem is I don’t know which one would suit my DD best. She’s still figuring out who she is and I think secondary will be good for that - her primary is very small and whilst she has good friends, I don’t think she would necessarily be mates with them if she had more options?

It sounds as though you had good reasons for choosing the school, which is perfectly fair enough.
However, still struggling to see how you can both say that your Year 7 loves the journey but equally rings you up in tears because she's not on the same bus as her friends. That doesn't suggest that she enjoys the journey itself. If she didn't have the journey she could hang out with like minded people at anther time.

Also, your DC is only Year 7, so presumably has been doing this for only a few weeks. She may well feel very differently when it's the middle of winter in Year 9, it's cold and she's tired, and in the middle of friendship dramas so not speaking to half the people she travels with.