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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

To change daughters school in year 9?

58 replies

Handoverthechocollate · 08/10/2022 04:46

DD just started year 9 and attends a girls grammar school and is doing very well academically. She has a nice group of friends and has only had one big friendship falling out in year 8 where she then had to make a new set of friends (which she did with ease). Her brother has ASD and I strongly suspect that she is neurodiverse, but she masks well and probably will not meet the criteria for a diagnosis. She does have some anxiety, finds it hard to make eye contact, is shy etc.
From the time she went to the GS she realised her mistake and has hated it. She tried extra curricular sport and music and loves her friends, but hates the atmosphere, the ethos of the school and the pressure from her anxious friends and teachers. She is so unhappy that I sometimes hear her crying in her room before a new school term. Daily she says she hates it so much before and after a school day.
In May - when she was in year 8 - I put her name down for a school a bit further away which is a church school and has great pastoral care, a better ethnic/cultural mix (my daughter is black/white mixed race and hardly any of the current school cohort are the same). A space has come up and they have offered it to her to move at half term. Logistically the school is further away from home, but closer to her brother´s school, so the school run would still work.
We visited their Open Evening last night and she liked it, but she is in more turmoil as to what to do (she finds it hard to make decisions!)
I don´t want to force her to change, in case it goes wrong and she blames me!
Any wise words from anyone who has done this move? My concern is that she will not like ANY school because of hidden neurodiversity.....WWYD?

OP posts:
Handoverthechocollate · 18/01/2023 13:37

Ericaequites · 09/01/2023 01:58

I’m glad the move went well. Your daughter will do better in a school she likes and if she has friends there. Being a cat in a school full of dogs is tough.

I love this quote! She is still loving her new school and wishes she´d moved before! So far so good with settling into classes and she already seems to have a wide range of friends, and not just girls.

Thanks for all your comments of encouragement, guys. Really appreciate it!

OP posts:
James1992 · 23/01/2023 16:53

I totally agree with you that Davenant is not great at special needs. I went to Davenant for five years and I agree with you that I found the school to learn under high pressure.

pointythings · 23/01/2023 16:57

@Handoverthechocollate so glad to hear your DD is still loving her new school.

MerryMarigold · 23/01/2023 17:35

James1992 · 23/01/2023 16:53

I totally agree with you that Davenant is not great at special needs. I went to Davenant for five years and I agree with you that I found the school to learn under high pressure.

Was OPs daughter at Davenant? I have a DS there now in 6th form. He has some SEN but done ok at Dav. I think it's quite different now, new head for past 7/8 years and Mrs Lake is v involved with SEN. My friend's son is more severe (school refuser etc) and has a lot of positive things to say about Davenant. I have 2 other kids at a different local school (they didn't get into Dav) and as far as I can see it's swings and roundabouts.

IsThePopeCatholic · 23/01/2023 18:17

you did the right thing, op. That’s such a relief. I have worked in an adolescent eating disorders unit and most of the patients were from high-achieving grammar or private schools. It’s just not worth the risk.

SirVixofVixHall · 23/01/2023 18:21

parietal · 08/10/2022 06:02

Move her. She is crying everyday and that hasn't changed in over a year. It won't suddenly get better with coping strategies

I agree with this.

Trinity69 · 23/01/2023 18:24

Meatshake · 08/10/2022 07:33

Get her diagnosed so she can understand her behaviour and why she reacts differently to other people.

Move her so she can at least have a chance to be happy. Talk to the SENCO at the new school about your concerns.

Masked "girl autism" isn't diet coke autism. Just because you don't see the meltdowns doesn't mean it's not internally damaging to the psyche.

This. She deserves to know who she is. She deserves to know why she finds some things difficult. She needs to know for sure if she has any kind of neurodiversity and then you can work together to develop helpful coping strategies. Coping strategies for NT people and ND people are so different.

James1992 · 24/01/2023 10:41

You are completely right. After I attended a high achieving performing secondary school, I experienced depression and then was admitted to an adolescent unit for treatment.

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