Playing "private school" sports: Should I take this up with school or am I being precious?

[Thepeopleversuswork]

DD has just recently started YR 7 in a private girls' school having come from a local state primary.

The school has a feeder prep and roughly one third of the senior school girls come from the prep. Around half of the intake have come from the state system and the school makes a very big deal about being inclusive towards those who haven't been in the prep system and preventing cliques and "prep vs state" behaviour particularly in the early years. In particular they actively encourage those girls who didn't do sports of the sort you associate with private schools, such as hockey and lacrosse at primary, to take them up in YR 7 and there are "catch up" classes etc.

My DD has just started doing hockey, having done a couple of taster classes at her primary and enjoyed it. She likes it but obviously is not at the level of those children who were doing it at prep.

She came home yesterday upset because two girls who had come from the prep were picking on her and saying non prep girls are rubbish at sports and should be in the "remedial" class. From what I could gather it stopped short of bullying and the girls later apologised to her but it left a bad taste in DD's mouth. I was seething and my inclination was to contact the school and tell them, not the girls names but tell them it was an issue despite their best efforts. My DD has asked me not to because she thinks it will have negative ramifications for her.

If it were a major league public school I'd be inclined to chalk it up to just one of those learning moments but the school goes out of its way to stamp down on that kind of thing and I'm damned if I'm having my DD put off something she wants to do by some snobby girls. Should I flag this to the PE staff or head of year or should I just let it go?

I’m a guide leader and 2 of our guides are at private schools. The girls definitely know as they use different lingo and have different holidays (one goes to school on a Saturday which blows the other girls minds) but it’s curiosity not any unkindness.
I think I’d mention to school just so aware but don’t want taking further. Hopefully school can reinforce we all played different sports at our other schools and this term we are all learning techniques and some girls will have practiced more but not to worry there’s plenty of chance to practice now.

If your dd is keen then a hockey camp at half term might boost her skills and confidence.

As an aside, I think it is often very hard for the state school educated kids to get into the sports teams, especially the upper teams. People often don’t realise that.

For some kids coming from state schools, they have played the same sports via outside school teams or have a real natural gifting in sport so are either already playing at the same level or catch-up, but for most, they just don’t catch-up. That can be a real shock to some.

I think senior schools are aware of this. They talk of inclusivity and oerhaos run ‘catch-up sessions’ and ‘pre-season training’ to identify those who are keen and perhaps talented but simply lacking much training, plus larger schools will run teams down to F and G, but the reality is that the upper teams are dominated by Prep kids. It’s tricky, because If you play to win, you do have to select your best teams and experienced kids will be better generally.

Many kids don’t mind. They like a bit of sport but aren’t too bothered about being in the A team. Others are rather surprised when they realise the difference in sport between preparing and state primary. Others do find it’s a barrier to integration.

On the issue of bullying,one thing bullies often do is to apologise….before then doing it again. It’s a way to disarm the person being bullied and to try to make the behaviour feel ‘okay’ so it won’t be reported.

The fact the girls apologised….could be genuine, or not.

I think the school would want to know. You can simply report the facts and not name names if you don’t want to. But how can they address these issues if no-one will say?

I think if a child may transfer to a private school.it is probably semsible to join a hockey, tennis, rugby club some significant Time beforehand. The indy kids will have been going as well as playing at school.

Not sure I fully understand the comment above about different holidays. Some of dc's friends who went to state schools had fab holidays: california, safaris, etc., some friends at indy schools went camping in France or to the Isle of Wight.

Meant different school holidays eg privates break up early July and have 2 weeks October. Children know they have 6 weeks off v a child who is saying they have 8 or 9 weeks. Not destination wise.

As an aside, I think it is often very hard for the state school educated kids to get into the sports teams, especially the upper teams. People often don’t realise that.

It is. When people talk on MN about replicating the private school experience, the response to the sport provision is usually doing club sport. But many of the private school kids play for clubs as well.

Taking the last week at school, my son's had 6-7 hours of rugby training plus a match, five gym/S&C sessions, two hours of hockey and cricket training is about to start. If you play those hours on top of club/county sport, you'll improve at a faster rate.

That's not to say state school kids can't make the teams. One positive is that they join our school in year 7 and the prep school kids in year 9, so they get a couple of years of fixtures and training before the main intake arrives.

There are a few kids in the A teams from state schools, particularly the ones that are very athletic and have a natural aptitude. But it's definitely harder for them as it's not really a level playing field which must feel frustrating at times.

My two DC started at state primary and moved to private secondary in year seven. They both walked onto a-teams. I think it may have taken a few weeks. They were started on the c team and moved up each week as the coach got to see them play. (2 different private schools.)

In both cases the kids passing through from prep hadn’t had so much practice in the sports that it mattered much.

Club sport and player pathways are much more competitive than school sport.

Getting back to your original question OP, I’d leave it. Kids say thoughtless, dumb stuff. The girls apologised. I think rushing in to solve every small problem and moment of discomfort is very disempowering for your DD. Something more serious or sustained would be different, but this is pretty ordinary. Let your DD be robust and build confidence in herself. Who knows, she may become friends with the girls in the end.

Unfortunately the sports provision can be very poor at State Primary. It was one thing my DD struggled with when she transitioned to Private Secondary. She had played netball 2 or 3 times at Primary whereas it was almost a weekly occurrence at the prep attached to her Secondary. She never really got the hang of it but found other sports such as Rounders she could do. Plus the “mean girls” were basically the Netball team so she avoided them as much as possible
It was the same for DS and football, he never made it into the football clique but he is Basketball captain and quite happy with that

The holiday dates are different though. My daughter gets 2 weeks for half term and starts summer holidays in the beginning of July, which is different to state school kids

Our village primary had some exposure to hockey and netball but it was very poor. There was one (!) Hockey fixture a year and only the kids who played at the hockey club were picked..
Local state secondary is similarly dire..there is 1 netball team per year which has fixtures and the boys have had no fixtures in the last 2 years.. absolutely hopeless..
Our prep school has 1 hour of sport per day and 1-2 fixtures per week.
When we moved from village primary to prep made enquiries re the level of French and Latin the children were at so we could prep in advance. We are a sporty family by nature but I can imagine if you have not practiced a sport prior to year 7 you will be 4 years behind..
But it sounds like the school are making a real effort to integrate everyone. I would applaud their efforts but if the problem continues it mention it.

I would give it time.
I think it's excellent that she's so busy and will hopefully make lot's of friends quickly.