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Secondary education

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Original poster

Mufti/own clothes days at secondary

34 replies

Atypical13435 · 05/10/2022 18:01

Interested in a quick straw poll on how your secondary age children feel about mufti/own clothes days? My children's school has one tomorrow and they are both stressed about it and tell me that all their friends are as well. They are agonising about what to wear, what people will think/say etc etc. They are both generally reasonably confident and happy girls with good friendship groups, but this is causing them a level of anxiety. I'm intrigued to know if this is a common thing. They're in an all girl's comprehensive if that makes any difference?

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 05/10/2022 18:02

I’ve got two boys at secondary and it causes them no concern whatsoever. But I can imagine it might to some so not being dismissive.

sheepdogdelight · 05/10/2022 18:03

DC's school never has them. However school sixth form DD (with fairly relaxed dress code) agonises most days over what to wear.

I guess this is why schools have uniforms :)

TeenDivided · 05/10/2022 18:05

It didn't cause my DDs stress. They wore jeans and a hoodie.
But I did have an argument with DD1 once regarding she still needed the usual things for school like planner, calculator etc.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 05/10/2022 18:07

Mixed boarding school. Most students don’t seem to care and come in joggers. Some girls are a bit more dressed up and there is a fair mix of quirkier styles.

There are probably some that are stressed but doesn’t seem too many.

Owlplant · 05/10/2022 18:10

My DSD12 just had a non-uniform day and thankfully wasn't anxious about picking clothes. Hope your girls feel happy with their choices soon. I wonder if it's worth having these days if it causes all this worry.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 05/10/2022 18:17

Day pupils at mixed sexed boarding. No shits given. Even 6th former, still no shits given 😂. Maybe it's because evenings are spent in home clothes anyway?

Friends DD's (state schools) really stressed every time. But they all end up looking like clones... yesterday the local school, had mufti I didn't see one girl not in black leggings & black tshirt/hoodie. Boys in a variety of joggers/jeans various coloured T-shirts/hoodies.

hopefully if they just wear clothes they like & are warm:comfortable they'll be fine.

I remember the 'worry', draft really as we all spent loads of time together out of school!

Notcontent · 05/10/2022 18:44

i can imagine it could be stressful if there is pressure to have a certain look. At my dd’s old school (private girls) there was a really big mix of looks and so it didn’t seem to matter. At her new sixth form she gets to wear what she wants and there is a bit of stress by too many last minute changes of outfit!! But I think that’s just me getting stressed when it’s time to leave and she does a last minute dash upstairs to change her top or whatever… 😂

lljkk · 05/10/2022 19:03

no stress
DD is a fashionista
DSs have no opinions about it

PhotoDad · 05/10/2022 19:07

When my DS was in Year 7, he turned up for a non-uniform day in a three piece suit with his tap shoes. Can't remember if he wore his bow-tie too.

Now he just wears joggers and a hoodie like all the other lads.

Sleepyquest · 05/10/2022 19:11

I remember HATING it when I got older. I went to an all girls private school and wasn't from a well off family, so they'd all be in designer and I would be in new look!

PeekAtYou · 05/10/2022 19:14

None of my kids (boys and girls) cared. Their classmates have seen them at weekends or on social media in mufti so as teens say, "it's not that deep" They like mufti days primarily because they can wear trainers rather than school shoes.

Wichit · 05/10/2022 19:21

Never caused any stress here. It's buying bloody uniforms that causes me stress! And they get stressed about eg losing PE kit because it's so much money to replace it. One's in sixth form now with no uniform and things are much easier.

Kleine · 06/10/2022 09:25

Our school has just stopped doing them, on request from the students' council. The argument was that it's distressing to some students.

If it is a self consciousness thing, rather than eg autistic distress at mixing up home and school, I can relate very much but I think it's not a bad thing for them to have to deal with. It's not healthy to catastrophise being seen in your own clothes - they have to do it every weekend unless they just sit at home all day.

I do think it's kindest to do it after Christmas though, when anyone who is short of clothes is most likely to have some new ones.

Hersetta427 · 06/10/2022 10:22

No stress and my 15 yr old DD is not in the least girly or into fasshion but her and the entire year group seem to wear black leggings and a baggy hoodie. DS (11) wears a track suit.

Seeline · 06/10/2022 10:27

DS at all boys - they all turned up in joggers/jeans and hoodies. More uniform like than school uniform!!

DD at all girls - they had so many instructions as to what they couldn't wear it was a nightmare! Were those shorts too short? Did that top show too much shoulder? Were the straps too thin? Was that jumper just a bit small, or would it count as a crop top?

Meadowbreeze · 06/10/2022 10:29

It barely ever happens at Dds school for this reason. Only twice since she started and she's in Y10. She wasn't worried but she's lucky, her aunt's buy her all the latest. Some of her friends were very stressed and she lent some of her clothes out. I remember being that child who borrowed clothes and I hated hated non uniform day.
I personally don't think there's any good in these. The less they happen the more stressful they are imo.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 06/10/2022 10:35

I remember stressing about it in the 90s so this isn’t a new thing. And then I got to sixth form (with no uniform) and by week 3 I stopped caring.

Dd seems pretty relaxed - they have one a month so maybe regular enough for her to be more like sixth form me.

NotQuiteHere · 06/10/2022 10:56

I guess this is why schools have uniforms :)

No, it is the other way round. If there were no uniform, children (and their parents) would quickly get used to the idea that what to wear is a non-issue. This is what happens in school without uniform, both here and abroad.

NeversmileataCrocodile · 06/10/2022 10:57

Enormous joggers and sweatshirts around here, all seemingly from charity shops. No idea what happens to the 'nice' stuff I buy 😕.
I call it dead old white man's fashion.

Seeline · 06/10/2022 11:00

NotQuiteHere · 06/10/2022 10:56

I guess this is why schools have uniforms :)

No, it is the other way round. If there were no uniform, children (and their parents) would quickly get used to the idea that what to wear is a non-issue. This is what happens in school without uniform, both here and abroad.

It's not a non-issue when you are bullied relentlessly for not wearing the right stuff! This was over 40 years ago at primary school - all my clothes were third or fourth hand. My parents just didn't have the money for new stuff. I cannot imagine that things have improved in this respect with all the online pressure to look 'right'.

The relief when I got to secondary school and had to wear a uniform, just like everyone else was unbelievable.

NeversmileataCrocodile · 06/10/2022 11:03

Sorry to disagree @NotQuiteHere I grew up abroad, no uniforms and we were obsessed. It's more of a generational thing; these days it's very uncool to be seen to care about fashion so the fashion is non-fashion.

ChangeOver22 · 06/10/2022 11:22

When are we going to teach girls that appearance isn't the only thing they need to be defined by?

It often feels like we are going backwards instead of forwards in terms of our sex.

The obsession with looks, clothing, status, beauty, bodies...

Why such double standards when I doubt most boys give it a second thought?

And I see this every time in celebrity news when couples are out and about. The man in jeans and trainers and the women dressed up to the nines, hair and make-up done, body on show, designer dress, highest of heels, everything glistening.

Why do men get a free pass to look how they always look but we're expected to be preened within an inch of our lives.

Rocklobstershell · 06/10/2022 11:26

Ds (13yrs) does stress about it a bit but he hates anything that makes him stand out. He tends to wear very plain joggers and hoodies when the school has them with some genetic skater type shoes.

MissyB1 · 06/10/2022 11:26

I have a teen boy. All the boys seem to wear identical clothes on mufti day - joggers and hoody! Usually in black and grey, they might as well be in uniform 🤦‍♀️

The girls dress like they are going to a nightclub.

NeversmileataCrocodile · 06/10/2022 12:22

@ChangeOver22 exactly as you describe, women preened within an inch of their lives, seemingly ready for their close-up. I mean it's nice to look nice but the standards are unrealistic and in terms of comfort and practicality take us back decades. Plus surely the drain on personal on finances? to aspire to look like a doll?

However the tide will turn I feel, my joggy kid is a girl and all her co-ed school is like this, almost no make up, no flesh showing and trainers and docmartins only. There's definitely a code but the code is 'We're not doing it.' They have absolutely cotton on to the scam from what I get from talking with them. I love it.

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