Tonbridge School - inclusive?

[HarrietT43]

Hi, I was hoping someone could help me with experiences with Tonbridge School and very minor Dyslexia. We were thinking of applying to send our boy there, who is pretty bright, but he has just been diagnosed with dyslexia. Our prep head has said that DS meets the general CAT scores required fairly easily but that their experience is that Tonbridge tend not to offer to boys with dyslexia however bright they are. Any advice would be great - it is an easy commute and ticks a lot of boxes.

Bump! Would really like to know some insights as it is worrying my husband and I if schools really do try to avoid dyslexic dc.

You should take your prep head advice on board as they will be aware of previous rejected candidates and the school write the references that will mention the dyslexia. In sw London there are schools that state outright they won't accept additional needs candidates as they don't have the support at the school.

Gosh, that is depressing if kids are being written off from good schools for dyslexia. I thought our head was being over dramatic tbh as my DS’s cat score on verbal was 137, his accelerated reader score is 4 years ahead. It doesn’t seem to hold him back in class. Does anyone have positive experiences of school admissions with dyslexic dc in the South East?

Tonbridge is very “alpha male” and has been for generations. Admires ‘strong’ ‘sporty’ top grades types, but a surprisly high percentage of boys from Tonbridge are total assholes. With exam results, even at year seven, they put all of the boys’ results on the wall so that all the boys can see (and mock) those who got low grades.

I would never allow DS to go there.

Maybe consider Beechwood Sacred Heart, or Sackville? Or Sutton Valance, or Sevenoaks?

Thank you - and I will look at those suggested schools. We really liked Tonbridge on a tour of the school, but you never know what goes on inside away from “show time”, and what you have described sounds awful. Thank you for replying, it is much appreciated.

I'm not sure where you live but most of the more selective schools in W/SW London, Kings, St Pauls, LU are very open to pupils with dyslexia and other SEN. (Just included Co-Ed and all boys but same goes for similar Girl's schools). They tend to be large and well funded and can afford good specialist staff.
But don't know about Tonbridge I'm afraid!

pineapple,I said something very similar to you and irate Tonbridge parents got very upset,but you are correct.
I have to say -a couple of boys we know at Eton had dyslexia and they left with fantastic results and the parents were very happy

We are more East Surrey/Kent unfortunately.

I will PM you

No idea about the dyslexia provision, but the boys I know from Tonbridge are perfectly nice. Maybe macho reputation could come from their success playing rugby.

@Pineappleflowers Tonbridge has no Year 7, so not sure what you mean there... DS attends Tonbridge and my experience is very different from what you have written, never heard of scores on the wall. My DS is not alpha male and so are hundreds of boys there, very balanced school, academic but with lots and lots of opportunities for boys to thrive in other areas.

OP have you spoken to admissions? I do know that one of DS's friends has SEN but I have no idea to what degree.

Hi op I have a ds similar to yours (he is now 15) and his dyslexia has been no barrier whatsoever. My son is at an independent boys school in your area, they have been amazing. His dyslexia report, if anything, was seen as a positive as it highlighted his natural intelligence. He's now about to do GCSEs is in top sets for maths and sciences (and that's out of 9 sets with some very very bright boys). He is thriving. I would recommend being completely honest with the school, a good school will see that your ds has a natural intelligence that can be brought out with good teaching etc.
Ps. I would also be very careful about listening to 'gossip' about schools. I almost didn't go and look at my son's school because I was given the whole 'it's alpha male' chat from various people with no experience of it, I think sometimes it stems from jealousy/ Chinese whispers.

lactoseTheIntolerant - which school does your son go to? It sounds like one that would be great for him. Thanks for replying!

Iamthankful - I did have a quick chat to Tonbridge admissions when we went to the open day and they said they had dyslexic boys there, but it doesn’t seem to be the experience of my dc’s head in the last few years.

Whilst I don’t want to listen to gossip (good warning, thank you!), I do want to find out if there is any point applying; why set my ds up for failure if a school doesn’t want him out of principle…. I had never thought it would be a significant issue before.

@HarrietT43 its Whitgift.

Thanks! I’ll arrange to go in an open day I think. We were looking locations further out of London but Whitgift actually looks amazing online.

@HarrietT43 im not sure where your based (we are East Surrey) and its really quick and easy to get there as our train line stops at South Croydon in the mornings which is the Whitgift stop. But I understand too that location is important if they're day boys as you don't want a long commute. Good luck with your school search I'm sure you will find somewhere that your son will thrive at.

They won’t say it out loud, but they are wary of boys with dyslexia or any diagnosis. They can choose who attends, so they won’t tend to pick those who will need extra help or may struggle in some subjects (unless they’re super talented at rugby/sports).

Sadly, he not super talented at sports, but does a few to a good level. Even if he was a rugby star I wouldn’t want to send him somewhere where they didn’t actively want to work with him academically though. I didn’t realise this prejudice against dyslexia still existed - I thought we had moved on with all the fantastic (and easy!) things schools can do to help children reach their potential. It makes me really sad.

And Tonbridge is partly a boarding school - if schools like Tonbridge don’t even like dyslexic dcs joining, what happens if a child has a more serious problem whilst there? Is there a philosophy of no weakness however minor?

Then they'll end up missing out on some very bright and talented boys that could really add positively to their community.. Oh well their loss!

hello @HarrietT43 Tonbridge School do 'cater' for dyslexic children. Not sure if given you mention that he has minor dyslexia whether he qualifies for access arrangements (extra time or other assistance)? What I do know is that the LS dept at Tonbridge will put your child through a lot of stress (unnecessarily I believe) to establish a baseline in the first year at the school to determine access arrangements. This experience will likely undermine confidence. They claim this is necessary so they can present a case to JCQ.

However, sounds like if he has minor dyslexia you may be looking for more modest assistance which I think they would easily be able to cope with. The school has merits – its strong academics and quite sporty. Though I think they aren’t as sporty (or successful) as they make you think – certainly in rugby.

However you should be aware that Tonbridge School does however have a MAJOR discipline issue – at least 5 boys were expelled last year for a very serious case of physical violence perpetrated on a boarding boy by other boys in his house. This is not gossip. Further there have also been other issues including one boy removed from school for safeguarding at the end of the last school year – again due to physical danger. A lot of other issues rampant vaping in junior years (in day houses) and the expulsion issue above were a direct result of House Masters not doing their job (both are still teaching at the school but have either retired or been removed as respective HM). So while they claim pastoral care is strong – the evidence suggests otherwise. Unfortunately this reflects in a student body who have a significant group of unpleasant macho boys. Who haven’t been managed well or disciplined.

#tonbridge #tonbridgeschool #dyslexia #dyslexic

Kw779, thank you. Your insights do seem to concur with what I have learnt about the school. It isn’t the right place for a boy like my son who is quite sensitive - so I will follow my head’s advice (who I have spoken to since my first post and got more insight from). I am looking at Whitgift, Sevenoaks, Dulwich even now.

@HarrietT43 good luck with it all.

I have two sons who have been through Tonbridge School and are now both at university.
One son is dyslexic, sensitive and occasionally prickly, and the school could not have done more to help, support and enable him - and I recognise that he is not always the easiest boy to help! He thrived!
The LS department is strong, well-resourced and finds ways to equip the boys and convey learning strategies for boys to use and understand how they work best. They teach revision techniques and strategies to all boys and their work pervades all of the teaching in the school.
No school is perfect but Tonbridge has seen it all before and has the experience, resources and knowledge to deal with every situation that teenage boys can present. Bullying exists in all walks of life and in every school but it is how it is dealt with that defines a school. In my experience, the school takes a prompt, zero tolerance and proactive approach.
The school approach to COVID and lock down was also impressive; our daughter's school seemed to follow the Tonbridge lead. There is a feeling of being in safe hands at the school.
My sons are very, very different but both had a positive, nurturing and bespoke experience. Pastoral care and support is strong. They were day boys and their housemasters and house mates become a second "family" - both sons made friends and bonds that endure. We did not encounter the unpleasant behaviour that previous posters have suggested although I do not suggest that every boy there is perfect, but most boys find their own "tribe" of friends. There is also a mutual respect between pupil and teacher that was absent from my own school days. The staff appear to delight in intellectual achievements of the boys and encourage ambition and impressively high aims. It is a selective school but there appears to be a broad spectrum of abilities, both academic and in sport. The Community Action section of the school is also strong and part of the Tonbridge way of life.

Tonbridge recognises that every boy is different and adapts and moulds the school experience to suit the individual .......it is then up to the boy to take advantage of all of the many opportunities available.

Dear @HarrietT43
We have two sons and both have been through Tonbridge recently. Our youngest son was diagnosed with moderate dyslexia in his Novi year at the school. We have nothing but praise for the LS department. They have been absolutely excellent. They have seen him at least weekly and supported him with essays, projects and really boosted his self esteem. We have seen a huge increase in his confidence. He has been predicted excellent grades at A level and we put a lot of it down to the support the LS department have given him.

We would also put in a plug for the pastoral support. There is plenty of it. Both sons had great support from their tutors and HMs and from their matrons. Our eldest son, who left school 5 years ago still sees his matron when he is in the area. Any sign of bullying is clamped down on. There is a focus on mindfulness and lectures for parents as well. Tragically, one of the boys in the same house as my eldest son died suddenly from a heart defect and my son is still supported by teachers and friends. They still come back to Tonbridge School to remember him and play a memorial football match, to which staff come to show their support 5 years later. They really care about the boys.

My youngest son’s year group have been fantastic. They are not ‘macho’ but just lovely boys whom we have taken on holiday and had around our house for social events. We have never had an issue with discipline or violence involving either boy. I think vaping is an issue everywhere but it is not something we have had to deal with.