Tonbridge School - inclusive?

[HarrietT43]

Hi, I was hoping someone could help me with experiences with Tonbridge School and very minor Dyslexia. We were thinking of applying to send our boy there, who is pretty bright, but he has just been diagnosed with dyslexia. Our prep head has said that DS meets the general CAT scores required fairly easily but that their experience is that Tonbridge tend not to offer to boys with dyslexia however bright they are. Any advice would be great - it is an easy commute and ticks a lot of boxes.

Thank you Harripud, your insights about pastoral care are very interesting. Could you quickly clarify when your boys attended and if your dyslexic son was diagnosed when he attended the interview/exam? I know things change in schools and perhaps Tonbridge has become less flexible in their admissions process? We are firmly leaning towards not even bothering to apply at the moment to Tonbridge based on the wider feedback we have received.

@HarrietT43 I would firstly support and strongly reiterate the comments made by @kw779 regarding the baselining of students by the LS Dept early in their TB career which I also believe is probably unnecessary and more importantly poorly managed. However post this I would say the LS team have done a good job.
My son is currently at TB and was diagnosed with Dyslexia prior to admission.

However I also think I should mention other items you should be aware of regarding the school. Others posters (such as @Harripud and @Lanes43) are right no school is perfect and nor are we as humans. Unfortunately the experience of Tonbridge is very different to the one they have experienced, I know quite a few parents who share my sentiments. But those parents are often too afraid or cant be bothered to share their experiences. So I have to highlight that in the most recent cohorts things are not positive.

Clearly TB produce excellent academic results – that is not in doubt. However on many other levels the school disappoints. Tonbridge may have seen it all but often turn a blind eye to many matters that they don’t want to deal with or are easier to ignore. This is most dramatically highlighted by the events at Judde House (including at least 5 pupils ‘leaving’ and the replacement of the House Master) but unfortunately these incidents are not isolated though this is clearly the most public and most severe one. This incident put the laundry out for everyone to see. However the experience is that they have many policies but on many levels they fail to enforce those policies and don’t take a zero tolerance approach.

I also feel compelled to highlight is that the pastoral support feels almost non-existent a lot of the time. This is one of the key selling points of TB. But many (yes many) examples illustrate the lack of support following bullying even when the bullying is reported. Following the many policies they have in place and very little (if any) action is taken. However as other posters comment bullying exists in all walks in life however it is how the school reacts to this. My experience (in several instances across year groups) the school DID NOT take any prompt action. There was not in any way ZERO tolerance (in fact in some cases it was covered up or brushed aside) and the actions of the perpetrators were portrayed as having not been much of an issue at all – despite it being in serious contravention to the many policies on numerous occasions. So that the victim felt even worse. And lastly, they were certainly NOT at all proactive. Again I reiterate PASTORAL support was non-existent.

The ‘unpleasant boys’ are not a majority but certainly a notable minority – this has not been eradicated – perhaps this is due to the Covid period? But the comments of @Harripud and @HarrietT43 made me reflect on the variety of experiences one can have but also why the experience maybe different. Perhaps due to the different time periods your boys were at TB? As you know new management arrived in late 2018 (looks like you had or were about to finish up) so perhaps they don’t have a firm handle on things. And of course Covid almost certainly had an influence – but that is almost the easy excuse.

HarrietT43, as per your request, to clarify I had one son leave this year and one son leave last year. My son with dyslexia was diagnosed before he started at Tonbridge. He received far more meaningful and insightful help from Learning Support at Tonbridge than he ever did at prep school. At Tonbridge the focus is on strategies to enable the student to learn independently as they progress in education. A significant proportion of boys receive help from the learning support department. If in doubt, visit the school on an open day or separately, booked with admissions. The admissions staff are very approachable and knowledgable - why not give them a call?

Tonbridge doesn’t start until year 9 😏

I can only partially endorse this message. I am an Old Boy from Tonbridge, albeit over 35 years ago. Sporting prowess was then paramount in terms of 'seniority' at my Boarding House. Now academic achievement has also been added to a list of pressures and measurements, although even then it liked touting its Oxbridge achievements. I think the new HM wants to reform, but perhaps with added pressures on children???

My honest feeling is that it depends on you to remain as loving parents, rather than take my own family's view that I was handed over solely into the sole care of the School. That didn't work for me, but that is my own experience.

From my own experience I have seen many non-sporty and non-academic Old Boys do well in later life. However it's something you just can't predict.

I think the school currently offers help for a son of your own description. Michael Heseltine is famously dyslexic and has achieved at the highest of levels in Public Life, although not an Old Boy from Tonbridge.

Tonbridge, as we know, is an expensive school - even Eton & Harrow are cheaper.

I know it's a tough call from you, but do look around. There are some amazing alternatives.

I'm so sorry this is such a tough call for you. But if you are asking the question, somewhere deep down you know the answer already.

I sincerely hope my message is of help to you.

PG

I have friends with children at Sackville and have only heard good things. Lots of dyslexia support, small classes, discipline and pastoral care seems to be very good. They've got a really good head and many teachers who have been there for years. It's perhaps not the most academic school but my friend's DS who had to move from a nearby independent has thrived there. He was a high achiever and I know my friend was worried that he would fall behind, but the level of pastoral support and small classes means that he is in fact performing just as well there. Because he feels safe. The boys generally aren't fighting for survival so are much more inclusive.

PS... the people who most impressed me whilst at Uni in Oxford came from schools like Sherbourne, Greshams, Hurstpierpoint, Haileybury and Glenalmond (Scotland). Schools like Bryanston in Dorset have campuses that Really inspire as well as the capacity to engage well with all students via their Tutorial System.

Over the years I've changed my opinion on only one school and that is Eton. That may be surprising due to its public perception, but they have a Tutorial system that no other school can touch if a student engages fully with it.

Please don't rule out that your son could gain a scholarship at any school. In certain subjects his 'difficulties' could well be his golden ticket.

I wish you well with your choice. After a career in mental health with the NHS I am considering an early retirement to work in a Private/Public School to teach Science/Maths, so I understand your concerns.

If you're considering Kent only, then Sevenoaks has a Lot going for it; their Wikipedia age is full of current and not long past successes.

Yours sincerely,
PG.