No secondary school place!!

[Louloubennie51]

We moved to a new area in March 2022, my daughter was in year 6 and finished her primary education at a new school where she made friends.

When we arrived she went onto the waiting list for the local secondary school at number 6. I was quite confident she would get a place as it is a large school and we had quite a long time to go.

It was obviously hard for my daughter to move in year 6 but she has coped really well, especially as she has a stammer, which affects her confidence with new people.

Unfortunately she has not yet got a place. To make things worse, she has dropped down from number 3 to 4 on the list today! We were hoping for last minute movement when the staff returned from summer break but it is now to late for her to start with everyone else and I am worried that she might not get a place at all. She is devastated and I feel I have let her down.

We turned down a place at another school as she has her heart set on going where her new friends are and doesn't want to completely start over again. We also have an appeal hearing for the end of September.

I suppose I am just looking for any tips, similar experience etc as I am feeling terrible at the moment! My daughter has had issues with illness as well this year and I just feel like she needs a break!

To be fair to OP she didn't say turning down the place was anything to do with her daughter's intelligence, she said that is why she is home schooling. Thanks to covid we have all now had a taste of schooling at home. For me it would depend on the child - one of mine would barely survive a week remotely again, another would quite happily make the switch forever. We also don't know how far away the offered school was, maybe it is a good school but ten miles away. Yes in terms of the appeal it might not help the case having turned down the place, but HE might be the better option for the dd.

The fact that you turned down an available place won't give your daughter any sort of priority at an appeal.

I think people are being unnecessarily harsh. The OP doesn't need to be repeated told that she's screwed up, and that her daughter will suffer forever, or that she's incapable of home-schooling because she hasn't understood admission rules.

Yes obviously she's screwed up with rejecting the place, but threads on here show this happens every year. She's rejected it and decided to homeschool, so hasn't expected the LA to offer another place instead. Yes, she might have thought it would help at appeal, and it won't, but that's not the crime of the century. People are absolutely piling on her and making assumptions about why she moved and so on, simply because of a mistake. If I were her, I wouldn't be replying to much of the 'advice' here either, because most of it just seems to be giving her a kicking.

Listen to the admissions posters who understand appeals, and give it your best shot. Homeschool, if that's what you decide to do - she will survive. Or start at a new school if you can find a place, and then transfer, if you still want to, when a place at the preferred school comes up.

It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world either - children do start late, move partway through secondary, take time out and get homeschooled for a while, etc. It happens, for all sorts of reasons! Friendships that last aren't necessarily formed in the first month of Year 7. Often children hang around with primary friends at first, and then gradually widen their pool of friends as the year goes on, especially if they stay with their form at first and then move into different sets later in the year, etc, or join new clubs etc that allow them to meet the rest of the year. Some schools mix up the classes again the next year. The friends children make in the first weekk are sometimes for convenience, to have someone to sit with at lunch or be a partner in a lesson. They can grab on to the first seemingly suitable children they meet. But a month or two in, and they realise that those cildren aren't as good friends as they thought, or there are others that they actually share more interests with, and things change as they really get to know the rest of the year group. Yes it's hard for a new child, and it is particularly hard if they are not confident, but it happens and children thrive at new schools all the time.

What’s the usual turnover at this school? For example, lots of inner city schools have quite a high turnover, and being number 3 on the list would mean you’d often get a place relatively quickly. It might be worth finding out?

But no - you won’t win a place by appeal. The school is full, and you’ve got no grounds for it.

You plan to homeschool until she gets a place, so I’d do that.

Do you live far from the school? Presumably the other 2 on the list live closer?

I’m sure you know - you need to keep putting her back on the list every term?

Thanks to everyone who has given me advice on this thread, or given their opinion on my actions, in a reasonable and respectful way. I appreciate it and will take all of it into consideration.

I don't feel I need to explain myself to those who felt the need to be rude and judgemental about my intelligence, my family situation etc etc. I am the sort of person who reads everything, I am a teacher, I have lots of other experience and qualifications that mean I shouldn't have made a mistake but unfortunately, we all do sometimes. Likewise I don't need to explain why my husband and I (sorry @Midpmcoffee) made the entirely reasonable decision to move to a new area with our children.

I am planning to homeschool until her appeal, which I do have a good basis for, beyond what lots of you have incorrectly assumed.

Everything I've done, rightly or wrongly, was what I thought best at the time, as we all do I'm sure.

Wow, some of these comments are horrific? What happened to being kind? You can give advice without crushing a person. I believe mumsnet was set up to: Make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support

I'm not sensing any support here? Just a whole bunch of spiteful 'I told you so' accusations.

Thanks to everyone who has given me advice on this thread, or given their opinion on my actions, in a reasonable and respectful way. I appreciate it and will take all of it into consideration.

I don't feel I need to explain myself to those who felt the need to be rude and judgemental about my intelligence, my family situation etc etc. I am the sort of person who reads everything, I am a teacher, I have lots of other experience and qualifications that mean I shouldn't have made a mistake but unfortunately, we all do sometimes. Likewise I don't need to explain why my husband and I (sorry @Midpmcoffee) made the entirely reasonable decision to move to a new area with our children.

I am planning to homeschool until her appeal, which I do have a good basis for, beyond what lots of you have incorrectly assumed. It's always useful to actually read someone's

Thank you. I'm so disappointed and won't be asking for advice on here again! I don't mind being told I made a mistake, but didn't expect such vitriol!!

I am a teacher,

what?? Seriously?

How are you going to home school her if you’re a teacher and presumably at school teaching?

I am the sort of person who reads everything

White clearly OP, you are not

Quite

But why would that mean she’d know more about the appeals process? It’s not a thing an individual teacher at a school would get involved in!

The OP hasn’t done anything wrong. If I had my daughter down for school A, and I planned to homeschool until she got a place, I too would turn down school B!

Hang on you're a teacher?!
But you're going to homeschool?

Totally agree with this. No need. Round here waiting lists move by about 80 places between offer day and start of term and if you're willing to move after term starts (which people do and don't seem scarred for life) then you can probably eventually get your pick of school. And people move in y6 precisely to increase their odds of getting into their preferred school, even when not guaranteed. People who never take risks tend to miss out long term. OP I'd try to get the absolute best info you can about likely movement at your preferred school and available places now and decide from there. Be honest with your daughter that you gambled and lost but that she has proven she can make new friends and this time she'll have the advantage that everyone's in the same boat.

How are these things impossible to reconcile? The op is a qualified teacher who recently moved house.

Perhaps stop 'presuming' things all the time.

Can you seriously not think of any reasons a qualified teacher might be able to home school this term? Especially a recently moved one - no job yet; intending to work supply but able to turn it down for the first month or two; maternity leave; working as a private tutor; not working at all any more, or working in some new job that has WFH? Or another parent who might be at home in the day to do some of the home schooling and/or childcare, and the OP able to do it after school or on days off from a part-time teaching job? So many other possibilities.

And 'reading everything' doesn't mean that a mistake can't be made, something might be misunderstood, you might not have come across a document that might have helped, especially in a new area when there are lots of things needing to be done to settle in after a move.

Why keep putting the boot in? You think the OP is stupid and has irrevokably screwed up her daughters life, fine, but in what way do you think it will help to keep telling her that, even if it were actually true? You want her to grovel and admit it and be grateful to have been told it or something?

If someone has made a mistake that they now recognise, it's surely more helpful to discuss ways of moving forward than to keep telling them they are awful for making a mistake. The OP needs to know that turning down a school doesn't put her at higher priority for appeals, which she has been told. She needs to know what kind of things do help at appeals, which she has also been told. She needs advice on whether or not children can settle into a school after missing a few weeks, and how to help them if it happens, which she has been given. She may need advice on how to homeschool effectively, if that's what she chooses, and she can ask for advice on that. All of those are potentially helpful things after a mistake. Just battering her with the fact that she's made a mistake is not.

OP, this forum is normally very supportive, so I'm actually ashamed at the amount of vitriol heaped on you. Please don't let it put you off.

For what it's worth, I have no idea about your school, but DC's school always has several no shows on the first day of term, so I think you still have a reasonable chance of DD getting a place in the preferred school. I would, however, unless you are prepared to home ed indefinitely, put her on other waiting lists/look at other schools with spaces.

I know you want her in the same school as her friends but the reality for my DC going to secondary school with friends is that they scarcely see them other than a few minutes at break - they've kept friendships up out of school. So don't focus on that as a deal breaker.

The comments about her never settling in if she missed the first couple of weeks are also ridiculous - most children do not settle into fixed friendship groups in the first couple of weeks (see current thread on Secondary Education about how long it takes a year 7 child to settle in).

I wish you and your DD luck in finding a place.

Contact all schools in the area and get her on their waiting lists.

There will be movement but at any time someone else could join the list who is higher up the list of criteria than your child - as you have already discovered.

She made friends joining a school later on in year 6, she will make friends elsewhere too.

My daughter's friendship group shifted somewhat every year she was at secondary - these things aren't fixed in the first couple of weeks. Plus they may split children from a feeder school across several tutor groups so that they barely see each other anyway.

I am planning to homeschool until her appeal, which I do have a good basis for, beyond what lots of you have incorrectly assumed.

What is your plan if the appeal doesn't succeed?

In fairness, it was difficult to tell that you did understand the appeals process and that you do in fact have reasons to appeal from your OP.

It came across like you didn't get it at all and that you thought you would get a place at a school just because her friends were going there and that you could improve your chances by saying that she had no school place.

As you have other reasons you might as well go for it.

If you were just appealing so she could be with some other kids she knows I would say that wasn't a good idea. Those children will be together right now whilst your dd is out of the loop at home.