Working class in Private school

[Berry12345]

My DS is very academic so I'm considering private Schools such as Latymer Upper or City of London School. (there's no Grammer school where we live)
However, my DH feels we won't fit in a private school life style.
We probably just manage to pay the fee if we give up luxury expense such as moving to a bigger house etc.
We're double income parents and have only one child, so I don't think we qualify for bursary.
Although my DH has a decent paid job, he is from a working class family back ground and I didn't grow up in the UK so I don't really get the real sense of English class system.
I personally don't care about how well other people do but is living in a tiny 2 bed room terraced house really feels deprived or embarrassing if you're at private school?

These large secondary schools have a wide income intake with many many dc on bursaries. You can't tell when you are in the classroom who has what sized house etc. But I would also consider grammar schools esp Tiffin, there in little difference in the end academic results and university destinations.

The top London schools are interested in acquiring intelligent children from any background. Lots of parents either have bursaries or they make sacrifices to send their bright youngsters. I don't think anyone will care where you live. (Well, a few might, but I would say they'll be in the minority, and they exist at all schools, private or state).

Definitely apply - there's people from lots of different backgrounds

Not in London but lots of scholarships and bursaries at DD's independent and her boyfriend's school has a sliding scale of payments with people on an income of less than £20k paying nothing at all then increasing gradually to full fees. I think the lowest fee for people actually paying is £45 a year. Needless to say it can afford to be extremely selective and it is. I looked at the maths entrance paper and struggled and it's for 11 year olds so that's me out then!!

We have a couple of low income children in DDS class (that I know about) no one cares or bats an eyelid. The kids are still invited to parties, play dates, the parents are invited to all adult social events and as far as I can tell no one cares or judges in any way. The kids are the same as all the other kids in the year regardless of income.
The only thing I will say is that it can be obvious in the difference in income, ie holidays, material things, but I genuinely don't see anyone making a fuss about it, and maybe even the kids get enhanced experiences from their friends that they may not otherwise get, friends with horses, swimming pools, cinema rooms, trips to theme parks, executive boxes at football....etc

Children don’t care. The wealth fear thing is a hang over from the 80’s for parents I think! . These days around 10% or more of children are on means tested bursaries at many schools . My dc have no idea who is on them or not but they do notice the Uber wealthy kids just not the average or non wealthy ones . It’s not a big deal as it was in the previous generation. Also lots of new money about and these people still are socially working class but have pots of cash compared to socially upper classes. The world is changing and everyone is a million times more tolerant. Don’t worry about it at all.

DS is on a big bursary at an indie secondary; it's not really an issue as kids judge him on whether they like him or not (and vice versa!) rather than how big our house is.

Go for it! Apply for your ds, let him lead the way academically.
As pp, kids don’t care about wealth. Actually, the parents won’t either. Lots I know who’s grandparents pay the fees.

DS is at one of the schools you mention. We were talking about their bursary programme the other day and he mentioned in passing that his best friend is on a bursary. It wouldn’t cross his mind to think anything of it. Some kids live in the poshest parts of London, others live in tower blocks on estates. We are somewhere in the middle…
My nephews are all at a state school in the Home Counties and there seems to be far more talk of parent’s wealth there.

There are loads of bursary awards at DDs school. Me and DH are working class (first in family to go to university, etc). No one gives a toss how much their parents have, I haven’t witnessed any snobbery or flash behaviour at all. The vast majority of people there are financially ok of course. You do notice lots on constant overseas holidays but other than that, no. And many more at the school don’t live that lifestyle. I think modern private schools are very different from the likes of Eton etc

My DS went to private school in N W London. We weren’t working class but struggled to pay the fees and did without other things. He made a group of friends with similar interests (sport, music, working hard, no drugs) who were all on a similar income level. Some did have lots of overseas holidays (we went to Dorset) but other than that he fitted in. And still has the same group of friends many years later.

We just went Tiffin for its open day yesterday. We all liked it very much but the problem is, our house is just off the catchment, I think. I believe it used to be up to 14km to be considered but it's changed to 10km this year. We live just over 11km so I think we're not even qualified. Plus Tiffin is notoriously tough to get into, so moving house prior to securing a place is too much for us...

My daughter is at a private school in Belgravia. There are girls living within five minutes walk (houses there are £5m up), and kids in rental, and kids that live like us in a terraced house a long tube ride away (still expensive)!
The majority of kids don't care. You will always get those families taking off for skiing or Mauritius in winter and other holidays, but there's always a mix. My daughter is only envious that those who live close by get an extra half hour in bed in the morning!
Your child might get a scholarship if very bright and/or sporty or other talent, though these usually mean about 10% off fees.
Bursaries don't just look at income but the value of your house, savings, investments - more forensic than getting a mortgage!

@Berry12345 , City of London is just as hard as Tiffin to get into. You should enter your ds for the first stage of Tiffin to have exam practice and give you an idea of where he sits in his cohort.

@Hihohihoitsofftoworkmaybe
The fact that your DC knows a child is on a bursary might not be an issue for him but might be for the bursary child in the end.

We found that, as DC get older, they do compare lifestyle a great deal more. Less with boys but girls really do. Old money sticks together. They don’t do football or Mauritius. Their class is way more subtle but elitist.

Your DH shouldn’t undermine your DS by banging on about working class routes. If you can afford private education, he’s moved up to middle class. The true working class survive on low incomes, cannot remotely consider paying for private education, and don’t buy bigger houses. They are lucky to get social housing. So just accept that you are all middle class and aspirational. And why not??? Be pleased you can consider this expenditure and don’t look back to the past.

Plenty of London schools are full

of working class families, in fact City is particularly mixed. Also lots of parents are working class done good, so nothing to be concerned about.

I agree with @TizerorFizz - your DH's family might be working class, but he is or has transitioned to middle class. Even if still in a blue-collar trade, he'll be the boss/owner if you are contemplating paying fees from your own income.

Lots of middle class families in 2-bed flats (let alone houses) in London, so I don't think you'd necessarily stand out from the crowd (though of course there will also be extremely wealthy families with large houses, but there will be far more who are in the middle)

If your DH's (reverse) snobbery is such that he really isn't at all comfortable with the idea, then it's not a starter (does he really think bursary pupils are all miserable and picked on?)

But do get him to look round both your likely state options and a couple of private schools, and then get him to really think about what sort of education is best for your DC. Don't let his insecurities be a veto if he's not even looked.

City of london is a good choice for a range of kids. Their fees are relatively low and they have a big bursary pot. The kids are much more likely to come from "ordinary" middle class backgrounds than super rich. They also travel so far to school that they live in a wide range of houses.

this reminded me of a gruan article from a few years ago.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/mar/26/what-im-really-thinking-not-quite-so-rich-girl-student#comments

OP, one if my DC went through LU and what you describe would be a total non-issue. About 25% receive some form of bursary there - whereas I doubt you would even qualify for a bursary. So hopefully, that tells you all you need to know.

Do be aware though, that LU is fiercely competitive at 11 plus with about 15 applicants per place. Nearly all of them will have been among the 'top' pupils at their primary schools. The type of primary school your DS has been at will not be a disadvantage as they contextualise everything, but the reality is, many super-bright kids will not be offered places. So, if you are going the independent route at 11 plus, he would need to sit at least 5 schools (inc two less competitive ones) to mitigate against the fact it's essentially a numbers game.

I don't have direct experience of CLBS, but I imagine it's not at all dissimilar to LU.

If you looked at Tiffin Boys, did you also consider Kingston Grammar (it's not a grammar, it's an independent)?

Whst sort of area for you live in? Some schools run coaches.

If you can afford private school by "cutting back" a bit then you're not really working class.

Working class people in working class jobs could not afford private school no matter how they budgeted, shopped at Aldi instead of Sainsburys.

Your DC will be fine.

I know the type you are talking about, much more subtle.. Holidays usually to France (as they or a family member or friends have a chateau), they always ski twice a year again usually France or the extremely wealthy /well connected go to Switzerland @TizerorFizz

Having been the poor kid in private school, I'd say it accounted for about 1% of my friendship issues.

Hyperselective schools as you are describing want smart kids, equally parents of all backgrounds want to send their kids there. So there is a mix.

Yes, the majority may be all going skiing every year, and you quietly know better than to apply to go on the school cruise, but the rich kids all have their own problems too - in my day, they were all the ones with parents having toxic divorces plus money to spend on drug problems.

A colleague sent her DD to private school. While she wasn't badly off, she wasn't in the league of her DD's best friend's family who had a private jet! Made no difference in the friendship and colleague was glad of the free childcare while her DD was in the Seychelles over the summer.

It's fine. Also everyone travels so far, and is so busy doing school work, that going round each others houses is not such a big thing.

@AnnaMagnani

School cruise??? What era are you in? In my day, our grammar had this but now it’s £3000 plus for sports trips, £1250 for skiing and even more ££££ for art and geography trips plus USA for history and politics. Only scientists don’t go anywhere. Of course you don’t have to go. DC do notice though. As for other houses, boarders don’t invite others much. Day pupils do.

However the parents like DC to be with people like them. Eg shooting, ski chalet, Rock in Cornwall, signet rings, Clubs etc. Old money doesn’t have private jets: it’s a lot more subtle and not flashy.