Working class in Private school

[Berry12345]

My DS is very academic so I'm considering private Schools such as Latymer Upper or City of London School. (there's no Grammer school where we live)
However, my DH feels we won't fit in a private school life style.
We probably just manage to pay the fee if we give up luxury expense such as moving to a bigger house etc.
We're double income parents and have only one child, so I don't think we qualify for bursary.
Although my DH has a decent paid job, he is from a working class family back ground and I didn't grow up in the UK so I don't really get the real sense of English class system.
I personally don't care about how well other people do but is living in a tiny 2 bed room terraced house really feels deprived or embarrassing if you're at private school?

Well I thought cruise might be out of date. There was always skiing, trips to Wimbledon - might as well organise it as stops people taking the day off, Henley, fancy 'volunteering' to exotic countries who have no shortage of cheap labour, the music tours, sports tours.

Biologists had to make do with Pembrokeshire but even thats gone fancy now. Parents must have breathed a sigh of relief during Covid when all the trips were cancelled.

There was always someone being announced at assembly for winning stuff on her pony as well, as if that had the slightest thing to do with school.

Well of course. DDs old schools have polo teams. If you have to ask the price of a pony, you cannot get close to affording polo!!

Rich parents don’t breathe a sigh of relief. It’s really no odds to them. It’s the bursary parents who do and also campaign to get trips stopped!

is living in a tiny 2 bed room terraced house really feels deprived or embarrassing if you're at private school?

Definitely not! Children are far less worried about that kind of thing than some of their parents are. They mostly don't care at all.

Yes, in my year there were 2 twins on bursaries. They both picked biology and geography A level - 4 field trips to pay for in one term! Their parents were not thrilled but just had to roll with it.

Those parents would have had a fantastic last 2 years.

We were never bothered about the size of each others houses but No Uniform day could be very traumatic - but it was a new thing back in my day and not well policed. I had a look on the school website and the 6th form is no uniform but they are v clear there is a dress code.

Clothes don’t matter so much now. My Dd is on a bursary at boarding school & no-one knows - she just buys her clothes on Vinted like all the other girls do - they all dress exactly the same and it’s cool to get clothes second hand. In fact, the day kids there think all the boarders are really wealthy as the fees are so much higher for boarding. Kids genuinely don’t care. Parents might, but then they’re the assholes if they do.

OP, I have had kids at LU and it's not really an 'old momey' type of school the way public schools in the countryside may be. It's very urban. Lots of European families, those with Indian, Chinese, Middle Eastern heritage and some Russians and Americans - basically anything and everything. About a quarter are on bursaries, but nobody would know or care. The school is in Hammersmith, sandwiched between the A4 and King Street, so definitely no rolling grounds and all that. There's nowhere to park really so most kids come in by public transport. You don't see other parents much as there's nowhere to park!

There is no ski trip and definitely no cruises. What they do have is 'Activities Week' every June when exams finish. You get a kind of brochure and they all have to choose a week long trip somewhere. It's things like Bushcraft; or sailing in Cornwall, with a few further flung trips as they move up the school. As I remember, it was about £500 maybe on average. But there is the 'Horizon Fund' there which states that no student will miss out on any trip or activity because of a family's inability to pay. So, if you can't pay some or all of this, you just fill in a form, tell them why, and the money will be there. Same with any extra -curricular or music lessons or sports trips - the lot. The school has deep pockets and there would never be a situation where students would have to miss out because they can't afford something. Even uniform - if you can't afford it, they will help. Most buy it second hand anyway. Going into sixth form, there are something like 30 free places. They all volunteer in the community and at Calais. Nobody is bothered about clothes and brands really, except for maybe the odd supermodel daughter of a Russian oligarch (but they find that kind of thing funny if anything). If anything, the wealthier students play it down big time as teens don't want to be seen as 'posh' in relation to their friends.

I think it won’t be an issue. My daughter has been in independent schools from year 3 to 11. Her prep was almost exclusively working class. Her Senior school is not posh at all. The only hint she notices re: money is how often many of the children are skiing or in Dubai. Many aren’t though and no one judges.

Not London schools but you would be fine in the schools my dc go to - a big range of people - big old money, struggling old money, big new money (mostly footballers), traditionally middle class, notsobig new money and making sacrifices to send dc to the school on varying levels and plenty of people who sit somewhere in between. The key is to not care what people think. Being rich does not make anyone better than anyone else - know this and embody it - have confidence in who are and in the choices you have made.

City specially do the 10+ to try to attract kids from the state sector. It’s not all that posh. Don’t know about Latymer.

My experience is that clothes do not matter in the slightest - the scruffier the better!

@Lunificent
Mostly working class parents at a prep? Are they giving huge bursaries to nearly everyone? Or are you judging accents and not looking at their middle class possessions snd activities? Do they not own property, cars or have decent holidays? I bet they do and they have left any genuine attachment to working class a long time ago. Have their whippets and cloth caps appeared yet?

If you don’t think your child will get into Tiffin, I think you’re underestimated the fact they might get a bursary for private school…

No judgement, just facts.You’re extrapolating a bit much.
Most parents at DD’s old prep are working class with money. I know them. I’m one of them.

Not at all, plenty of people beg borrow and sacrifice all holidays and cars to pay for these schools

The two you mention have a broad intake compared to a more trad public school like Westminster (not that Westminster might not suit you, go see.)

Lots of parents will have WC backgrounds, and lots of ethnic diversity too

I don't know about London, but there's definitely a 'them' and 'us' at country independent schools. It isn't overt but there is a semi-permeable line between families to whom the fees make little or no financial difference, and those who work their butts off and make sacrifices to afford it (with or without bursaries, I don't actually think that's the decisive factor). The former group just have so much more common ground and shared history in terms of leisure opportunities/hobbies/destinations that even if it's not deliberate, they live in totally different worlds all the time they're not at school. Yes, there is mixing and many of the privileged group welcome others in on occasions and on their own terms, but as the kids get older, they become more and more aware of the different out-of-school lives they lead. By most peoples' standards, we lead a comfortable life but are having to give more and more up with each passing year. Our kids are really good about it and we try to emphasise our pride in our hard work rather than accidents of birth allowing us to give them a fantastic education and opportunities we didn't' have. (I don't mean to imply that there aren't plenty of self-made very wealthy people, but they are the exception rather than the rule around us.) Yes, friendships do form between both kids and parents across the groups, but it's not a level playing field.

You will fit in fine. These schools have kids from diverse backgrounds in all senses, many of whom scrimp and save to pay fees.

Most London day schools are much more diverse than this. There are some more limited ones, but they are the minority an not on the OP’s list.

I did not know that. I don't think there is a similar divide in London private schools but it is hard to generalise because there are so many choices in London. I don't know about Latymer but I don't think City is that 'posh'. Children go there from many parts of London and the commonality is that the parents there are ambitious for their children, enough to pay for their education.

Incidentally, our local state grammars also have the ski trips and the £3,000 Caribbean cricket tour etc etc. The 'top' grammar takes about 20% of its intake from prep schools. It knows it's competing against the private secondary schools for students, and that it's the extra curriculars and trips that parents are often basing their decision on (because academically both types of school are very strong - they're trying to decide whether the extras at the private school are worth paying fees for).

@muppetsmum
I think you are correct. It always felt like that to me. Old money didn’t worry about their girls getting good jobs either. Marriage was a bigger goal to the right sort of man.

I strongly suggest that anyone calling themselves working class but affording private school is something of a joke. They are not on working class wages and they don’t really understand working class issues.

Not true. We have DC in independent school and DH and I were brought up working class and poor. I shared a bedroom with my single parent mother until I left home and we were dirt poor. DH used to wear 4th hand underpants. Much poorer than would be considered by today’s standards. We remember what it was like to have no money and the fear.

Actually, in this regard the school you mention is extremely modern! Figures here:

www.etoncollege.com/admissions/financial-aid/

@MuddlerInLaw
Honestly! We didn’t have a bathroom! I can also tell sob stories but I would never ever cling onto working class roots! It’s a total sham. If you pay fees and aspire to private school, you are not working class. You might be a champagne socialist, but that’s different. Do you do cleaning for a job? What about stacking shelves or working in a care home? Of course not! You went to university. Clever you. You became middle class. Harking back to a previous era is just naming you feel good and probably superior.

Im well aware what modern private schooling looks like. Usually better off parents paying bursaries for other DC as schools don’t have huge legacies. I’m middle class enough to pay up and never say where I grew up.

Erm ….?

What are you on about? I merely shared a link to a public school bursary policy.

@TizerorFizz why on earth wouldn’t you say where you are from? There is no shame to being working class and working hard to provide opportunities.