Son misbehaving at school

[bubble2000]

Receiving alot of detentions etc its heartbreaking

How do we discipline at home to ensure he stops before he's thrown out? He's 14

What have you tried so far?

Sorry to hear you’re going through this.

I guess if it were my son, I’d try to get him to talk about what’s rattling his cage, trying not to make judgements or interrupt him. Sometimes this is best achieved by going for a drive so you’re not facing each other. Sometimes they just need to feel listened to without judgement.

hopefully if he opens up a bit then you can try to get him to understand that the choices he makes have consequences. Ultimately he is in control of his choices but how this affects him in future depends which choice he makes.

good luck op x

I think he gets easily distracted by other kids / he likes being the funny guy etc so does silly stuff / forgets to pay attention - currently have removed phone privileges - this happened afew weeks ago we took phone away for two weeks ( other than a ten minute end of day message check ) while on school report card- behaviour at school/ home improved and was great but now more detentions and report card

He's really bright it's so sad

Have you tried discussing with school so you can work together on improving his behaviour?

Yes I have just emailed his head of year to suggest we have a conversation and to advise we have removed phone/ screen time etc at home 😪😪💔💔

Have you asked him what he's playing at? Is he bored? Another issue? What does he say?

Has he met his first girlfriend and is trying impress?

Often he seems to blame others / says it wasn't a big deal /

He may just be being badly behaved but he could have attention issues e.g. ADHD. Is this a possibility?

You've just described my son and my 3 brothers too a tee
Trying to navigate through it with my son now but I'm happy to report all 3 of my brothers grew out of it when they matured a bit and are now fully functional and successful adults ... I'm clinging on to this hoping it's just a phase with my son .. I'm sending you a hug, kids hey!

Yes it could be possible - should we take him to gp??

Not all badly behaved children have some kind of disability.

I have a friend whose grandson started getting into trouble like this - although his activities were a bit more serious. He also manipulated his parents so that the pressure drove them apart. He was bright but at 16 he didn't want to do A levels so his dad got him an apprenticeship at a multinational engineering firm. His attitude transformed within a couple of months. Being around other men that didn't take crap from him but at the same time gave him comeraderie seemed to demonstrate to him what appropriate behaviour should be.
So, although I know this doesn't help you in the short term, maybe it will give you some hope in the longer term that he can pull his life round.

Did you actually read what I wrote or did your eyes just alight on ADHD?

I would read up on it and if it resonates, yes discuss with gp and ask about referral.
There's lots online e.g. www.additudemag.com/what-is-adhd-symptoms-causes-treatments/

Thanks will check out link

Yes I read your post. Did you automatically think ADHD as soon as you read about bad behaviour?
Doctors must get so fed up of parents hauling their badly behaved children to them with requests for a diagnosis.

School consequences for school.isdues detentions etc

Home consequences for home behaviour

What does he do at home that irks you?

Take him for a walk let him explain and talk

If he's getting into trouble that often at school, then school will already have been in touch with you.
Contact the school if not. Ask for a meeting. Be proactive. Ask them what he's doing, when he's doing it, and why he's doing it. They will give you a much better picture than he will.
They will also tell you if they think he may have any additional needs.

Agree ADHD can cause issues if there are other indicators... although I have 3 children with ADHD who would be mortified to get in trouble in school 🤷‍♀️...

Thanks for suggestions
Have been in email contact with school today they have given more examples of problems - they will talk with son tomorrow

I am gonna suggest a meeting at the school on Friday

Need to nail this for his sake - he so lovely and bright but has a wild side and can be easily led

Really appreciate your support here ❤

My son is slightly younger but at secondary school. It was low level but constant disruptive behaviour (from quite a few children in his class). We had a meeting with HOY and Form Tutor. We also took phone, ps4 and grounded him until behaviours improved. We also said that school needed to be consistent and let us know if they were having issues.

Things are much better, he has managed a couple of weeks without a detention. I'm not sure if I fully agree with consequences at home for bad behaviour at school but I was getting so many phone calls that I was constantly on edge. Home was awful for a week but things are ok now.

Good luck.

I'm having the same issues with my son who is the same age. It's so frustrating - he's a good kid but for some reason at school he can't control himself. I think it's partly peer pressure and just being a teenager. I have threatened to take away certain privileges if his behaviour at school doesn't improve. So far it has slightly, I'm hoping when he moves up a year he'll mature.

I'd go for carrot and stick.
Grounding/loss of privileges if he gets a detention. Reward if he manages say 2 weeks without sanctions.

I would chat to him about his behaviour being selfish. If that didn’t work I’d do something that annoyed him when he was trying to concentrate on a game/tv show - to show him that his behaviour is not funny - it is irritating to other people and furthermore reduces the life chances of his classmates who might want to learn (have no idea how this would go down btw - my kids are all pre-teens).

taking him to GP re:adhd and giving him strategies for what to do when he feels the urge to say something or get up might help. Eg can he doodle on paper instead?

personally I would definitely have home consequences for behaviour at school because I don’t think it is acceptable to ruin other kids’ education.