GCSE results - how to react to disappointing grades

[justcheckin22]

DD is doing very little revision and if her recent mocks are anything to go by, she will be very lucky to pass any, let alone all, her GCSEs.

This is obviously very disappointing particularly as up until two years ago she was predicted steady 5&6's possibly one 7 so some subjects better than others not particularly academic but quite capable. When lockdown hit she pretty much switched off and lost all interest and motivation in work. No concerns about her MH but she's discovered boys, parties, gaming and just won't engage with anything about her future, school work or what failing might mean (leaving school and probably most of her friends, not being able to take the gap year she's planning etc

I've been thinking recently about the practicalities of results day - if by some miracle she does scrape a pass and secure a place at 6th form (Btec so only needs APS of 3.5)I honestly think I'm going to struggle to be pleased for her when I know how little she's done and how much more she is capable of. She has a bee in her bonnet about us having too high expectations so I'm conscious of not being too down on her about any achievements but in all honesty, yes maybe few years ago we would talk about how a 5 could be a 6 with hard work but now, if she got 5 & 6's I'd be bloody ecstatic so just keen for her to pass.
Anyone been in this situation or have any pearls of wisdom?

@justcheckin22 - just a thought. Is there any merit in having a meeting with school with DD present (this being crucial) - to discuss with school whether, given the disappointing mocks and the lack of work, and hence the risk of very disappointing grades, there would be an option to repeat Year 11?
I can practically guarantee that there is nothing that a teenager is going to hate worse than being put into the year below (probably still wearing uniform) when all their friends are in the sixth form - and allowed to wear their own clothes and treated more like adults.
If the school is willing to have this discussion with you and DD - even if they are sitting there saying - not such a good idea because all of DD's social group will be in the year above etc, better you consider the college (the one for "losers"), or what is to suppose she is going to try again next year, and even more so if they say, yes that is an option, if you really need it, and yes I can see why you think this might actually happen, but you do understand it would be really socially difficult for DD, and we understand it is maybe too late, but she is capable of getting the grades if she tried (ideally with you saying you don't think it is possible - reason being, nothing a teenager likes better than showing her parents that they are wrong - ie at the point at which you are effectively saying, it is too late, we need to assume she can't do it and you ease up because there is no point, it might, just might, be the point at which she suddenly decides she needs to prove you wrong - ie you would be much better off, in many ways, to be now saying it is too late for her to work to get the grades, so we aren't going to bother anymore but rather explore other options, and are assuming she will repeat, which at least allows her to "rebel" by working).
Bit of a gamble, I would think (and a lot would depend on how well the school would play it, which you can't know), but you have tried most other things, by the sounds of it. So I wondered if behaving now the way you are thinking you might behave when she gets the grades, as if it has already happened - very publically to her and everybody around you (eg - to grandma/neighbour - oh, we aren't expecting DD to pass her GCSEs, as she hasn't been working enough, so we are thinking about either resitting Year 11 or local college - obviously in DDs earshot). The risk is that you will convince DD too, and make it harder for her to work, but if she really is not doing anything, and this is really what is likely to happen, and she really is keen on rebelling, then maybe it is worth a try.

It sounds like she is quite able but has just given up. The reality about GCSE level work is that it’s hard, there is a lot of content and you can’t expect to pass without actually doing some work. I would try one last time to have a serious chat with her and explain that the realities of the situation - that she really needs to buckle down and do some work so that she can get some qualifications and a job.

I may be a bad mother but I have always been quite blunt with my own teen DD about the importance of working hard. I am a lone parent and have been for a very long time but I have a good job so I am ok. If you have a daughter it’s particularly important to talk to her about these things.

My son got very disappointing grades. I still burn for him as he went with his girlfriend and I'm sure he was shocked - he didn't revise as needed for sure but he did much worse than his mocks and he had a tutor for some subjects!
I said that I couldn't say I wasn't disappointed in the results, and I knew he was ashamed, but pretended that he didn't care etc. So I didn't make too big a deal of it - what good would it have done (he went to a good private school which I felt really let him down - what did he do there 8 hours a day)? We knew he wasn't going to do very well and he had already decided not to do A levels (he would have needed 7s to do A levels at his school). He went to a vocational college, did fine there and got his NVQs and we have also discussed that should he want to go to higher education he could always do an access course.
I actually think the toughest bit now is he is 18 and has to work and budget and be responsible while hearing about his mates at uni meeting loads of other kids and partying.
I don't think you can make a person do well without damaging them and your relationship (even if I had chained him to his desk and sat over him I don't think that would have made a difference to his results and it would have been hell). You have laid it out for her. Explore other options and also remember her life isn't over if she fails her exams at 16. She can retake at another college, do an apprenticeship or vocational subject. She can get a part time job while doing that - my son did - and that in itself will make her take some responsibility and show her how hard she has to work to make not much money. And then let her grow up. As long as she's doing something, she will find her way.

Just a thought but it is still February. Exams are 12 weeks away which is long enough to do well IF she starts working hard now. There is time.

I was similar and though I scraped 5 GCSEs of B &Cs I did not meet the course requirements. My mum went apeshit and forbade me from doing the retake course offered, instead I did A Levels but dropped out after the first year.

I then started work, I've never had a career as such but fell into insurance and earned a decent enough wage for my age.

My older brother had gone to grammar school and was off to university. He's done very well for himself and is a nice guy.

There's a massive middle ground between what's considered success and failure where many people fall.

My eldest has SEN and despite being academically able, he is unlikely to get many passes. I've impressed on him he'll have to retake Maths and English so might as well try and avoid that.

DC2 is predicted 8s and 9s, and quite determined to achieve that in most subjects.

I've come to suspect, as well as being a bit of a teenage knobhead, I have ADHD and the step up to Yr10 was completely overwhelming. A lot of my subjects were heavy on coursework which I was horrendous at.