Should I move heaven and earth to get DD (13) into a better school?

[FrazzledY9Parent]

DD is in Y9 at our local secondary school. The school has some really good features and I know lots of parents are very happy with it. However, it does not stretch DD at all and she has become bored and frustrated. (They only set for Science.)

At parents' evening the teachers all said how great she was, and that she was top of the class, but she says she's operating at 30% of what she could achieve. Her attitude towards school has completely deteriorated and she makes little or no effort with her homework (which is largely pointless copying bullet points from a handout, so I can see her point).

She has high aspirations and wants to apply to Oxford. I know that she has the ability to do very well at GCSE despite the less academic ethos of the school - she'd have good support from me. But it saddens me that she's not stimulated/engaged by school, and I worry that she'll lose interest.

Should I move her before Y10 (when GCSEs will start)?

Every secondary in our city is oversubscribed, so we'd have to move very close to one and go on a waiting list. Having spoken to other parents, I don't think there are any that really have an academic ethos (a lot of people go private and I am beginning to understand why).

Private is off the table for financial reasons plus her dad would never agree.

So realistically we would need to move out of the city and into the surrounding area where there are some more academic state schools.

Is it worth it? Or should I just hold my nerve and hope things pick up a bit in Y10/11?

Would greatly appreciate input from those who have been there/done that!

I think GCSEs studies are boring, whatever school they are at. It's just something to grit their teeth, get through and get the grades so that they can go on to do the subjects they actually enjoy rather than are forced to study, in more depth, at A Level and beyond.

Have you researched which schools have vacancies or how long the wait lists are? Perhaps a better school somewhere has a place available and she could find a way to commute there?

I agree with this. People often rule this out on the assumption that the great schools won't have places, but they do come up sometimes. The outstanding secondary school not far from us is the type people move near to get into the catchment, but it didn't fill all its year 7 places this year as it was a low birth/sibling year.

@crummyusername @yellowgingham Sadly in our city there is a shortfall of secondary places due to a spike in the birth rate. Waiting lists are generally organised by geographical proximity, so unless you are close to the school, you'd have a cat's chance in hell of getting in.

I agree that it would be silly to move near a school on the off change of getting in - if I did move, it would be out of the city, where there are excellent schools with capacity.

@HarebrightCedarmoon I agree with you about the grades. It's interesting to hear you and others say that GCSEs just are quite boring whereever you are (perhaps with a few exceptions). My only worry is that she may lose her motivation - but there are some good suggestions on this thread about ways to keep that up.

Where are you op? Have you identified some schools you actually want?

Agreed with PP - I think this needs to be a far more concrete issue. Find an actual school that you and your daughter (and the staff) agree will definitely be more stimulating and better meet her needs. With concrete ways that they will do that. And they have a place available. Then and only then should you move.

I’d move her to a better school by whichever means you can - private school via bursary or better state school.

It’s not just the teaching, it’s being with a whole group of kids where she doesn’t fit in.

And you don’t need your ex to agree. Don’t ask him, just move her.

If he’s not happy with her new school he can go to court and ask for an order to move her back. No judge is going to force a 15 year old to move schools to suit her father’s political ideology.

You are the parent with residence and you are acting in her best interests.

Lots of schools who are generally full have random spaces in year groups during October, because pupils who were supposed to start last month didn’t turn up. Email them and ask. It can’t do any harm.

Often pupils who are on the waiting list turn down places offered now because term has already started.

Don’t say your daughter is disillusioned and her grades are slipping. Say that she’s doing really well, top of the class and you are looking for a more academic school where she can stay on to 6th form and not move after GCSEs.

I am wondering if COVID hasn't helped either. She will pretty much just have been part way through her first year of secondary when it hit, and then her Y8 experience will have been shambolic. Schools aren't really running the full gamut of trips, clubs etc, plus in my experience there are quite a lot of residual behavioural issues (and catch up activities for those who didn't engage over lockdown) in the classroom. So hopefully all this will get better
I agree with others on the thread that she needs to take control and stretch herself. No reason not to teach herself another GCSE online and do it early (I know a kid doing that for Ancient Civilisation), power through her music grades (including Grade 5 theory), enter competitions outside of school, use Duolingo daily, set up a debating society or a feminist reading group or whatever. It depends so much on if she has friends and has fallen in with a good bunch of peers- if you are worried about that I would definitely consider moving. Good luck.

All really really academic kids are bored at school. My dad knew maths better than the teachers, had a photographic memory, so was insanely well-read and could recite the history of Europe from BC Christ to the modern day in perfect chronological order remembering all dates/names etc. He was generally one of those really gifted "wonder kids". He found school extremely boring, had no respect for teachers (they also hated him as he argued with them), was mainly acting like a class clown, but hr still managed to get all top grades. Being bored at school does not prevent anyone from doing well in exams. If she is that good, she should study herself outside of school and be able to get into Oxford regardless of how non-academic the school is. A smart kid can fo well in any school

The more diverse levels you have in a class, the more time-consuming it is for a teacher to meet all their needs. However, differentiation should be in place and it's easier to find challenging activities for those at the top end because they can work more independently. Although that is the teacher's job, she has some responsibility herself. She can speak to the teachers and ask for more things to do or indeed she can take it upon herself to extend the activities to challenge herself more. That might be difficult for a 13yo to do but she can ask for guidance from the staff to help give her strategies on how to develop tasks she's finding easy into more difficult ones.

@Magicalwoodlands

Hopefully this won’t sound harsh but I think the ‘boredom’ thing can be a bit of a cop-out.

Do you (or she) really think that if she was at a super academic private or grammar school that she’d be stimulated and engaged and stretched all day? I doubt it. I think you’d be more likely to get more of the same. Any school will consist of a certain amount of seemingly pointless tests, sit here, do that, repeat that.

I think it’s really easy to make assumptions about different schools but they are all probably more similar than different - as much as every school claims to have an individual ethos, they don’t, really.

Personally, I think moving schools at this late stage has the potential to cause a few difficulties.

While it is a cop out to a certain extent, schools aren’t all the same. When I moved from what was seen as a good state school to a private school, I learnt very quickly that what I planned to do in two lessons for the state school would be covered in one lesson. There was so much less faff with behaviour management, there were the wide range of abilities in the private but I could set work for the higher abilities and spend time helping or recovering the skills with the lower without having to squash silly behaviour. The silly behaviour did happen but not to the extent that is normalised in state schools.

I agree about the waiting lists. All the oversubscribed schools round here have random places pop up and although in theory the waiting lists go by distance in reality very few people actively want to change school midway through so often go unfilled. Make some calls, you might be surprised