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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Private school or another child and house?

49 replies

alphabetllama · 16/08/2021 21:24

I realise I'm very lucky to be in this situation and that ultimately only we can decide but would appreciate thoughts from others.

We have a child. We could, just about, by living carefully (and staying in a job I do not love but is well paid), afford to send him to private school. I don't 'believe in' private schools in that I wish they didnt exist and I think they are unfair, but they do exist, and he is my child, and if I can afford to send him then maybe I should?

I have had 2 miscarriages this year. We were hoping to have another child. But if we do have another then we definitealy cant afford to send them both to private. If we don't use the money on private school we could afford a much nicer house.

Appreciate any thoughts while I mull it all over...

OP posts:

Holly60 · 16/08/2021 21:27

Don’t pay for private school, buy a nicer house and pay for loads of clubs and exciting holidays etc.

If you sent him to private school he’d always be the ‘poor kid’ (awful I know but true) whereas if he goes to state he will be the normal one who gets to do loads of amazing things.

QueenHofScotland · 16/08/2021 21:29

Buy a nice house, go on nice holidays and give your one DC amazing experiences as a family.

Unless your local schools are absolutely awful.

Emmelina · 16/08/2021 21:30

I’d go with the house and sibling, if it’s a case of stretching and sacrifices to send the first. Everything is extra, uniforms more expensive, and going by a local fee paying school near me, medical care can also be extra! Lots of extras could push it out of budget very quickly.

Bryonyshcmyony · 16/08/2021 21:31

Why would you send your child to a school that you wish didn't exist?

JamieFrasersBigSwingingKilt · 16/08/2021 21:33

Sorry about your miscarriages.

If you have to be so very careful to send one child to private school then I'm not sure it's really that affordable for you. Life is for living.

I'd have the two kids I wanted and raise them well - with treats.

I'd also ignore the 'poor kid at private school' comment from a previous poster. There are all types at private schools.

user1493494961 · 16/08/2021 21:34

House and sibling.

LakeShoreD · 16/08/2021 21:34

Sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I would buy a nice house in an area with good state schools and leave the door open for another baby.

lannistunut · 16/08/2021 21:35

As someone who went to a private school myself, I can assure you they are not worth the money. We were very happy with state school for ours.

Private school if you have money to burn or are very bothered about status is fine. If you don't really believe in it and would have to scrimp - total waste of money.

lannistunut · 16/08/2021 21:36

I'd also ignore the 'poor kid at private school' comment from a previous poster. Money-based bullying is common at private school, I would not ignore this risk personally.

daretodenim · 16/08/2021 21:37

A sibling brings something a private school education never can.

But a good education is important. (Sadly) check your catchment area and set yourself up for a good state school in the best way you can.

And then he gets a good education and a sibling, if that can happen. If not, he'll have a very comfortable childhood with parents who love him and who aren't sweating the small stuff to afford his education.

I'm sorry about the miscarriages. I hope you don't have to experience that ever again.

minipie · 16/08/2021 21:38

Personally I don’t think private schools are worth scrimping and saving and major levels of sacrifice for (and I say that having been to one, and with dc at one). Better to move to an area with decent state schools, and have less financial stress.

Definitely not worth forgoing a much wanted second child for the sake of private school.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 16/08/2021 21:43

Nice house hand down.

Private isnt all its cracked up to be all of the time

Bryonyshcmyony · 16/08/2021 21:43

@lannistunut

As someone who went to a private school myself, I can assure you they are not worth the money. We were very happy with state school for ours.

Private school if you have money to burn or are very bothered about status is fine. If you don't really believe in it and would have to scrimp - total waste of money.

Our private school has been totally worth the money and we have four well educated lovely kids. But I felt very happy with them going to private school and don't wish they didn't exist

housewifeathome · 16/08/2021 21:44

I agree with @minipie - I went to a private school. I think my education from aged 4 until age 16 cost my parents a six figure sum. Ditto for my brother. It was a really nice school but it's a lot of money when there are so many good state schools - better to aim for a good catchment area. My DC are at a lovely village state primary school and very happy!! I'd rather use any extra money to invest in property for them to have in the future / save for their uni fees.

lannistunut · 16/08/2021 21:46

we have four well educated lovely kids.

We have well educated lovely kids and have saved hundreds of thousands of pounds. I do not think having lovely well-educated kids has anything to do with sending them to private school. I suspect you would have had lovely well-educated kids wherever they had gone. I know I would have done

Bryonyshcmyony · 16/08/2021 21:46

@housewifeathome

I agree with *@minipie* - I went to a private school. I think my education from aged 4 until age 16 cost my parents a six figure sum. Ditto for my brother. It was a really nice school but it's a lot of money when there are so many good state schools - better to aim for a good catchment area. My DC are at a lovely village state primary school and very happy!! I'd rather use any extra money to invest in property for them to have in the future / save for their uni fees.

Oh god, don't bother with private prep Private secondary is totally worth it though if they are at a good one

Scoutingformygirls · 16/08/2021 21:51

What on earth could private school offer your child to make scrimping, saving, sacrificing and worrying about money worth it?

The vast majority of people went to and use state schools. There is no reason to think your child can't do well in the state sector. We have been more than happy with the state offer for ours and would much rather use extra money to benefit the whole family with holidays and a comfortable home than constantly worrying about paying fees.

Bryonyshcmyony · 16/08/2021 21:53

Having said all that, I wouldn't have not had a second child or bought a house just for private school

GoWalkabout · 16/08/2021 21:55

Spend the money on family experiences and extra curricular activities. Too many overstretched incomes not quite covering private and once they are there its hard to move them if circumstances change. Also the cheaper private schools are less likely to beat the average or good state, parental input being equal.

Coffeeonmytoffee · 16/08/2021 21:56

My DD just got better GCSE results than my neighbours child who went to a very expensive private school. Find an area with good state schools.
My nephew is going to Oxford after getting amazing results - he is state school educated.

BookShark · 16/08/2021 22:01

Slightly different perspective. We had DD and then an ectopic pregnancy and were advised to leave it there.

So not necessarily an only child through choice, but then were in the position where we could afford to send her to private school without compromising. And don't regret it for a second. She's thrived in being in a small environment and has had multiple opportunities that she wouldn't have had at a state school.

So no regrets, but equally less pressure in that the decision was purely financial - there was minimal chance of DC2. Difficult to say if we would have changed our mind if that had been the decision.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 18/08/2021 08:51

In those circumstances, I think you should choose the new house and use the money you're saving on fees to engage in extra curricular activities (and tuition, if needed).

We're just moving DC1 from state Reception to private year 1. Based on smaller class size and also extra curricular options. I'm hoping we'll no longer spend every weekend driving between activities, as his interests should now be covered during school days (inc some of their after school clubs).

I wouldn't have made that choice though if it compromised where we lived or not having DC2.

If you do decide to go down the private school route, you need to think about the fee inflation each year (will usually outstrip most salary % increases), as well as uniform costs. I still need to buy school shoes and trainers. After which I reckon I'll have spent £675 on kitting out DC1 with the (ridiculously long) school uniform list. Hopefully DC2 will get some wear from it after, but I'm quite shocked by the number of things the require and it's nearly all branded.

carrotsparsnipspeppers · 18/08/2021 08:53

It’s not so much bullying that would worry me but comparison is the thief of joy … horrible to spend your life surrounded by people with so much more money.

RampantIvy · 18/08/2021 08:57

@LakeShoreD

Sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I would buy a nice house in an area with good state schools and leave the door open for another baby.

I would also do this ^^

brittleheadgirl · 18/08/2021 09:05

@Bryonyshcmyony
And do you honestly think that having 'lovely well educated kids' is your 'prize' for going private?
More fool you for wasting such a huge amount of money.

My dc are extremely well educated and lovely, as are millions of others who have had a state education.
I do despair at some of the utter nonsense I read on here

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