Private school or another child and house?

[alphabetllama]

I realise I'm very lucky to be in this situation and that ultimately only we can decide but would appreciate thoughts from others.

We have a child. We could, just about, by living carefully (and staying in a job I do not love but is well paid), afford to send him to private school. I don't 'believe in' private schools in that I wish they didnt exist and I think they are unfair, but they do exist, and he is my child, and if I can afford to send him then maybe I should?

I have had 2 miscarriages this year. We were hoping to have another child. But if we do have another then we definitealy cant afford to send them both to private. If we don't use the money on private school we could afford a much nicer house.

Appreciate any thoughts while I mull it all over...

@Coffeeonmytoffee

My DD just got better GCSE results than my neighbours child who went to a very expensive private school. Find an area with good state schools. My nephew is going to Oxford after getting amazing results - he is state school educated.

Money well spent then! Thanks for perfectly backing up my previous post (unintentionally!)

And do you honestly think that having 'lovely well educated kids' is your 'prize' for going private?

Yep. Am glad they didn't go to our local state school and will never think private secondary was a waste of money. I think they got a far better education than they would have at our local state - Dd3 went for two years, and it was not a patch on the school she ended up at. We are all extremely happy with our education choices, I'm afraid to say. Dd2 went to state primary and has done considerably better in terms of A level and choice of uni than her peers who went from state primary to the local state secondary.

The advantages to be gained from a good private school are priceless.

If you like the school, go for it.

From what I've seen - the kids who were super bright at primary did well at state secondary (apart from one who developed severe MH probs but she is an outlier). The averagely bright kids of which dd2 was one all did considerably worse as far as A level choices, grades and destination uni. The kids towards the latter end academically did poorly at the state. So very little added value.

@Bryonyshcmyony

And do you honestly think that having 'lovely well educated kids' is your 'prize' for going private?

Yep. Am glad they didn't go to our local state school and will never think private secondary was a waste of money. I think they got a far better education than they would have at our local state - Dd3 went for two years, and it was not a patch on the school she ended up at. We are all extremely happy with our education choices, I'm afraid to say. Dd2 went to state primary and has done considerably better in terms of A level and choice of uni than her peers who went from state primary to the local state secondary.

But you're deluded. Can you not see that it's not an exclusive, prize, if posters are explaining that they have experienced exactly the same outcome from a state education!! In that respect all it is, is a huge and almost laughable waste of money.

I'm delighted that not only are my children wonderful and extremely well educated but they also have a fantastic view on the world we live in, thanks to going to a very diverse primary and secondary state school.
I would have hated them to have been educated in an environment with such a narrow section of society.

But you're deluded

No, I'm not. My children have the same fantastic view that yours do, as that's something parents give, not state schools, who aren't there to give kids fantastic world views. Also my kids private school is far more culturally diverse than our state - admittedly not diverse socio economically, but as long as they aren't stupid enough to think everyone has ponies and Teslas then that doesn't bother me a jot.

@QueenHofScotland

Buy a nice house, go on nice holidays and give your one DC amazing experiences as a family.

Unless your local schools are absolutely awful.

This. (And I have DCs in private school). I think experiences are important and if extra tuition is needed you are more likely to have spare cash.

Our school fees are about £25 k a year and sometimes when I think what we could have done ........ (although one of the reasons we chose the school we did is because the school has very good SEN provision).

@Bryonyshcmyony
I'll say it one more time.
If people, including myself, are saying we have received the same outcome using state schools as you, ie wonderful, well educated children then yes, you are deluded thinking that a private education is worth the money.
Do you understand now?

[quote brittleheadgirl]@Bryonyshcmyony
I'll say it one more time.
If people, including myself, are saying we have received the same outcome using state schools as you, ie wonderful, well educated children then yes, you are deluded thinking that a private education is worth the money.
Do you understand now?[/quote]
🤣

You keep telling yourself that. Those of us happy with private schools will disagree
Telling people they are deluded because they don't agree with you doesn't help your argument.

A good private school is better than a poor state school
A good state school is better than a poor private school

Not all state schools are good, and not all private schools are good.

In general, if you have a good state school on your doorstep there shouldn't be any need to go private. However, most private schools generally offer more extra curricular activities, and this is often what a lot of parents are prepared to pay for.

@Bryonyshcmyony

Are you ok?

You're have spent a ridiculous amount of money, to receive the same outcome as me. And you're defending this and are almost joyful about it.....

I think I'm beginning to see why you think this is ok 😂

You, not 'you're' obviously...

We only have the one child and she’s at a private school that we are exceptionally happy with so far. Our local state secondary is, not to put to fine a point on it, shit. To move to a better catchment was going to cost half as much again as sending her private, and that wasn’t even moving to an excellent catchment.
So it’s not always as cut and dried as it seems.
There are a lot of very wealthy kids at her school, but also a healthy proportion of kids from a more average background.
Horses for courses. Go and look at all the schools, do the maths. See what works best for your family and ignore all the opinions people seem to have about how you choose to spend your own money.

[quote brittleheadgirl]@Bryonyshcmyony

Are you ok?

You're have spent a ridiculous amount of money, to receive the same outcome as me. And you're defending this and are almost joyful about it.....

I think I'm beginning to see why you think this is ok 😂[/quote]
I didn't mind spending the money because we could afford it. I very much doubt we've had the same outcome as you, but well done you.

Some state schools have deteriorated dramatically over the last seven or so years. We bought a house near a good school, which is now awful. It really does depend on the state school provision in your area.

You sound lovely 🙄
Did a private education pay for that lovely condescending attitude?
I'm beginning to see that our definition of 'lovely children' maybe very different....

@Bryonyshcmyony has a lot of money.

That is what she wants us to note so perhaps if everyone noted her wealth we could discuss the OPs dilemma.

[quote carrotsparsnipspeppers]@Bryonyshcmyony has a lot of money.

That is what she wants us to note so perhaps if everyone noted her wealth we could discuss the OPs dilemma.[/quote]
Brilliant idea

@brittleheadgirl

You sound lovely 🙄 Did a private education pay for that lovely condescending attitude? I'm beginning to see that our definition of 'lovely children' maybe very different....

I went to state school

@brittleheadgirl and @Bryonyshcmyony
You're both right(or wrong).

Children who tend to be average generally benefit from private education.
Very bright children will do well at both because they're bright.
Children who are not at all academic will not benefit much from a private education as they usually need a different way of learning and apprenticeships are often a good fit when they finish school.

[quote carrotsparsnipspeppers]@Bryonyshcmyony has a lot of money.

That is what she wants us to note so perhaps if everyone noted her wealth we could discuss the OPs dilemma.[/quote]
I'm not going to pretend I'm not well off, why would I? It wasn't a huge struggle to privately educate my kids. I'm not ashamed of that. If I was going to struggle hugely I may not have done it, although our local state isn't very good so maybe not. I think if you live in London with leafy comps and money thrown at them round every corner then its a different story!

[quote Debetswell]**@brittleheadgirl* and @Bryonyshcmyony*
You're both right(or wrong).

Children who tend to be average generally benefit from private education.
Very bright children will do well at both because they're bright.
Children who are not at all academic will not benefit much from a private education as they usually need a different way of learning and apprenticeships are often a good fit when they finish school.[/quote]
Yes, I did point out that that was exactly my experience tbf

@Bryonyshcmyony yes I realised you had tried to make that point.
I think @brittleheadgirl was more interested in defending state education and didn't notice.

I went to both state and private( moved house).
I preferred my private school.

10 years ago I would have said house but then my dd2 got a bursary for private 6th form. It's so much better than the school my dd1 attended (and that was supposedly the best 6th form in the county). If I had my time again and could scrape it I would send them private